|
...buc buc ie... |
||||
| my name is Rebecca Zawodny and im sixteen. My birthday is the 7th Janury 1987, so soon I'll be 17. I live in Sydney and go to an all girls catholic high school. I don't full believe in god either, so don't think I do. instead of saying 'I swear to god' when I promise things... it tends to be 'I swear on Robert Plants and Jimmy Pages lives!!' 'cause it has more of a meaning to me. im obsessed with music and I cant live without it. its always on... when im on the fone, in the shower, doing homework, on the computer, cleaning my room and even sleeping... you get the idea. Im finally starting to like life as well. I guess you could say I was one of those 'depressed' kind of people. maybe its because there has been so much sadness and disappointment in my life it has overtaken everything I do. so many songs remind me of sad things also, that it makes it worse 'cause I listen to so much music. yet sometimes I like the sadness and feelings of despair... maybe it makes me feel as if im real. I don't know. but what I do know is when I AM happy, it pisses me off, 'cause I know something bad is around the corner. so I guess its easier to just be morbid all the time. When something bad happens it doesn't seem to affect you as much, and you can say 'eh, I knew it was coming'. But I think im getting through that. im sick of people always telling me to smile or stop looking so dour and depressing. So yeh... words of encouragement going well! [that doesn't mean I'll stop liking my depressed moods!] I have been in love... just over a year ago. And yes, I know what your thinking, how can someone so young, innocent and vulnerable be able to experience such raw emotion? But I couldn't help it. And, as the cliché goes, it ended it heartbreak. For both parties involved I don't know. But I know it hurt me and it did something to me... in a good way. It made me stronger...?! I guess I'm more skeptical of what people say. Now I don't say it unless I know I mean it 110%. Because if I wasn't sure and just said it... that person may end up being hurt like I was and that's just wrong. Nobody should have to go through that if it can be helped. ANYWAY, it was great while it lasted and even though it was something clouded by lies, deceit and misconceptions, if it wasn't for him I probably wouldn't be here today. I'm silly. Abrasive. Loud. Love being with people and socializing, but alot of the time I love being by myself. Just chilling in my room, listening to some Pink Floyd or Led Zeppelin and relaxing. I get agitated by others stupidity rather easily I think. Majority of the time people don't understand my jokes, or my sayings so I have to explain them. That bothers me. But then again, it makes me feel good at the same time because I've enlightened someone with my knowledge. I know that, 'cause Tilly always thanks me when I teach or tell her something knew =) I'm pretty compassionate.. I think. Then again, what does that mean? Eh well sometimes it gets me into situations I can't escape, yet there is always a friend to lend a helping hand, for which im forever grateful. I absolutely ADORE writing. Putting thoughts on paper. I live to write. To most people, it looks like a jumble of words and sentences written by someone with broken English. It means alot to me and is what keeps me sane. My journal is one of my most treasured objects, besides letters I have received over the years. My journal is like a back up disk of my brain. If I lost it, I would loose myself. if you know me, please treat me well. I don't always mean to harm others, or annoy the fucking shit out of you. then again, I may not like you and be doing it on purpose. but to keep yourself happy, just blame the psychosis. if you don't know me, well, quite frankly, I don't give a flying fuck what you think or what you do. =) |