"Sometimes Talking About The Past Is A Good Thing"
(Previous Post: "Operational Surveillance")
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Stardate: 60309.0915
Setting: USS ANUBIS, Deck 7, Counseling Department
It was 9:15 when Susan began to wonder to herself if Maya was going to pitch at all... or even remembered she was supposed to. Susan didn't think that the... Shillian? was the kind of person to just simply not show up, but then again she didn't really know Maya well enough to judge. And besides, they hadn't really formalized it or anything.
Susan got up from her desk and began pacing. Again. She had thought about calling Maya many times to ask what had happened and when she intended to come, but every time her finger made its way to her COMM badge something inside her said, "Don't try too hard. Don't force it. If she wants to speak with you, she will. In her own time"
Susan sat down at her desk and for the tenth time that morning attempted to continue her work. However, she just couldn't settle. Eventually she gave up, dropped the PADD on her desk and said in an exasperated voice, "tea, two sugars, hot." There was the satisfying sound of her drink materializing from thin air. She picked up the mug and took a sip... only to burn her lip. Cursing under her breath, she put the mug down hastily next to the abandoned PADD.
She drummed her figures on the desk and glared at the mug as if it was the source of all her problems. Then, abruptly, she stood up and began pacing again.
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Stardate: 60309.1015
Setting: USS ANUBIS, Deck 7, Corridor outside the Counseling Department
The night had come and gone and the time for the meeting that the Shillian woman had done her best not to think about had finally arrived. Actually the Chief Science Officer had made it here late due to unforeseen matters since she had figured that a 10 o'clock meeting would suit Ensign Mei and herself best giving both women the chance to deal with whatever duties required their attention first thing in the morning.
The moment the Shillian scientist had awakened she had rushed to the science labs to check on some of the ongoing research her team had been working on. After everything had been verified the Chief Science Officer had headed to the Stellar Cartography Lab on deck 13 to confirm some of the figures and astrological positioning that the scientist had been thinking about during the night. By the time Maya had confirmed all that she had wanted to and confirmed that the rogue asteroid that she and Ensign Armeneth had located a while back had still been on its course through the galaxy, several hours had passed.
Had it not been for her having run into Lieutenant Onison when she came out of Stellar Cartography, the Shillian scientist might have arrived on time, or to be more accurate at the time that she had set for herself to be at the office of the Counselor.
Just as she had been ready to enter the department run by Ensign Mei, the Chief Science Officer remembered what the Counselor had said the day before about their meeting being held "first thing in the morning." Since they had neither confirmed a time nor place, the scientist began to wonder if she had been much later than she had expected and even if she had come to the right place. At no time had Susan mentioned that this friendly chat had been official and therefore meant that it could have been held in any other location on the ANUBIS or even inside NEW ALEXANDRIA.
As she paced in front of the door, the scientist thought that having contacted the Counselor to confirm the time and place for this meeting might have been a good idea, but now it had been a little late. Maybe Ensign Mei had been called away on some more important matter or had simply forgotten about this unofficial meeting with the Chief Science Officer which meant that if the Shillian tried to contact Ensign Mei she might end up disturbing her while in the middle of something quite important and even sensitive.
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Stardate: 60309.1015
Setting: USS ANUBIS, Deck 7, Counseling Department
The tea had gone cold and the report on the PADD had grown longer but Ensign Mei had not grown calmer. When she saw the time, she reasoned with herself, **The morning's almost up. It won't do any harm to check if Ensign Maya is coming... maybe if she's not I'll be able to settle down to something.** That though in mind, Susan announced calmly to thin air, "Computer, please locate Ensign Maya." The computer promptly gave a bleep followed by a polite, "Ensign Maya is on Deck seven, outside the counseling department." Susan smiled at her luck timing and said, "thank you." to the thin air before sitting straightening herself up for the Shillian's arrival.
She sat still for a good five minutes. When nothing happened, she decided to investigate.
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Stardate: 60309.1020
Setting: USS ANUBIS, Deck 7, Counseling Department
After having given the entire issue a little more thought in order to convince herself that Ensign Mei would have contacted her had she been waiting, the Chief Science Officer decided to dismiss the would be meeting for now. Having reasoned that both of them had better things to do than to indulge in a friendly chat about nothing specific the Shillian woman prepared to leave, but before the scientist could even turn the door to the Counselling Department opened.
"Lieutenant Maya," Ensign Mei said, beaming a warn and inviting smile at the Shillian, "come on in, you are right on time."
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Stardate: 60309.1022
Setting: USS ANUBIS, Deck 7, Counselling Department
Susan sat down behind her desk once again, "have a seat." she told the nervous-looking Shillian. Maya sat down, but her eyes never left Susan. **She's almost as nervous as I am** Susan thought as she offered, "would you like something to drink?" Maya shook her head and Susan considered briefly that this was the quietist she'd ever seen the CSO. She was at once concerned. "Is everything alright, Maya?"
Maya nodded, "You mean this morning? Yes, Ensign Summer said that I am in perfect health so I did the usual routine this morning: checking on the science labs and..." Susan held up her hand, amused despite herself, "Really, Maya, simply the summary will do."
"That was the summary." Maya said meekly.
Susan pulled her face straight, "Well, in that case, the summary of the summary. What I meant is... how are you feeling now?"
"Ensign Summers..." Maya began, but stopped when she saw Susan shaking her head.
"I didn't ask about what Ensign Summers said about how you should feel. I asked how you are feeling. Whatever happened in there caused you to faint. It can't be something that you just forget about because the chronometer says it's a new day?"
"Nothing," the Shillian woman replied with a great deal of hesitation, thinking back to the time in question. When she had walked in, the scientist had accepted that what had been around her had been nothing more than world of make-believe in which nothing had been real, but when Pravat had said that there had been no safety protocol in place, the illusion that had surrounded her became all too real. "I mean nothing happened to cause me to faint other than my realizing that I had walked into the middle of a war zone and that the explosions that I had heard were as real as they could be," the Chief Science Officer elaborated.
"I see." Susan moved forward in her chair. "Can I ask you something personal, Maya?"
Maya gave a half-hearted grin, "Isn't that what you've been doing?" she then sighed and met Susan's eyes, "ask away."
"Maya" Susan continued cautiously, "have you ever experienced war before? Real war. Like the one in the simulation?"
The Shillian looked down at her hands, "No. But I have witnessed destruction." She was silent for a moment before looking up again, "It's all in the files."
Susan had read what they said in the files, but the files were always so detached. So... unreal. Like a simulation. Or a text book. The files stated the facts, but they left out all the emotion and anguish behind them. Quietly, Susan stated, "I'd prefer to hear it from you."
So Maya told her. All about her father, her ability to transform, the Starfleet vessel that had come to investigate her system and her evacuation from it mere minutes before her planet broke apart. "No one ever found out why." she ended in a slightly choked voice.
She had kept this story shorter than she normally would have with any other, but that did not stop telling it from bringing back all kinds of memories she had forced herself to hide. Her father's face. Her house. Her mothers voice... all came flooding back to her, unbidden. She only realized she was crying when Susan handed her a tissue.
"Maya... I don't know what to say." Susan admitted, embarrassed and ashamed that she had asked Maya to share the story. She'd allowed herself to become divorced of feeling and wrapped up in her job. Now the poor scientist was sitting crying in front of her.
Maya sniffed, "It's alright. I should be used to the idea by now. I don't know why it still affects me. It was so long ago..."
Susan shook her head, "That makes no difference. I know it's no comparison," Susan felt that she had to offer something about herself in return, "But I still remember how much it hurt when my father explained to me that I'd never see my mother again. And that was almost twenty years ago. Time makes wounds seem less deep, but some things never heal completely."
Maya, glad for the distraction and curious to know more about Susan asked, "Your mother's dead?"
Susan wasn't offended by the blunt question, however she sighed and turned her chair slightly so that she was looking out the viewport (even though the view was nothing but the Egyptian interior of NEW ALEXANDRIA) "Who knows? Sometimes I think she is. Sometimes I think that she just didn't want to be around..." abruptly Susan spun around to face Maya again, "but enough of that."
She picked up a PADD - Maya's files - and was about to make a note at the bottom when she remembered that this meeting was supposed to be 'off the record'. Instead, she took a breath and said, "Maya, I think I know the reason that you were hit so hard by the simulation yesterday." she put down the PADD and faced the CSO, "you're obviously incredibly sensitive to the thought of destruction. But more then that, I think that you're afraid that such destruction could lead to you losing someone else you care about."
"How..." Maya asked hesitantly, then tried again, "What makes you think that?"
Susan looked into the Shillian's eyes earnestly, "You've already lost so much, Maya. A whole culture. A whole *race*. That had to affect you on some psychological level. It's only natural that seeing any kind of destruction would make you feel angry - even betrayed."
"So you're saying that I was angry with Pravat because he was a threat to himself?"
Susan nodded and watched as Maya's eyes wondered down to her hands. "Exactly."
The Shillian appeared to contemplate what Susan had said then finally she said, "I guess I owe Pravat an apology."
Susan smiled wanly, "No, Maya. But I do think that you could give him an explanation." She reached over for the PADD she'd been working on (or trying to) while waiting for Maya, "Pravat must be going through his own kind of hell after the loss of those three men on your last mission. Even if he denies it. He needs a friend."
Maya smiled too, "and it appears that I needed a counselor."
"Whatever I can do to help." Susan stated
After they had said their goodbyes, Susan stood in front of the pretty much viewless viewport, drinking a fresh cup of tea and contemplating all she'd heard and witnessed. She didn't see how the Shillian could be so strong about everyday life. Susan pictured EARTH being destroyed. Baring witness to it. Being the only human left... With a shiver she put down her mug and headed for the Team Room where she'd be sure to find another human being.
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brought to you by:
Jessica Solarik { maya_992003@yahoo.com }
Lieutenant Maya
Chief Science Officer
USS ANUBIS
"To see the world in a grain of sand,
and a heaven in a wild flower.
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
and eternity in an hour."
- William Blake (British, 1757-1827)
and
--------------- 2005 post #099
Tallulah Habib {thabib@eject.co.za}
Ensign Susan Mei
Head Counselor
USS ANUBIS
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"Life is mostly froth and bubble,
Two things stand like stone,
Kindness in another's trouble,
Courage in your own." - Adam Lindsay Gordon
