This story sucks, I will just tell you right now before you get all into it. This changed my life forever and it totally SUCKS.
It all started at work on February 8th, 2001. You know the little booth where you gave your parking ticket to the attendant and they figured out how much you owe for parking? That was me. It paid $7.00 an hour, you worked between 20-30 hours a week and it was the best job I think I ever had while in college. I could do my homework, sleep, watch movies, and never had to be nice to drunk assholes. I dont even remember what caused me to call Ron, I think the machine got stuck or something and I needed him to come over and fix it so that people could take tickets out and park. Anyway, I ended up calling him and he came over. There were two garages in State College, both owned by the borough. Us borough employees took turns working in the two. That night, I was working in the Fraser Street garage and Ron (the guy I had an amazing crush on since I met him) was working in the Pugh Street garage. Every time I saw him I got butterflies in my stomach and he always smelled so damn good! Ron came over and fixed my broken machine and then came in the booth to sit and chat for awhile. I dont know how the subject turned to his current girlfriend, but it did. They lived together and had a newborn son. He complained for awhile, about how he didnt feel appreciated and how she took him for granted. Isn't that how it ALWAYS is? Awwwwww. Ron, I wont take you for granted. I really really liked this boy, you see?
Earlier in the week we had made plans to go out for drinks on Friday night, since he had just turned 21 at the beginning of January. He was supposed to be training a new person and could leave for a few hours once the guy got the hang of it. This was only Thursday night and I simply couldn't wait. I asked if he wanted to go out tonight, after work. He said sure. I started flirting around with him, and he flirted very obviously back. I was really suprised, because although we had flirted innocently for months, he was taking a very different turn today. Plus, with him having a girlfriend and baby son...I just never expected anything from our platonic work relationship. But by the way he was talking...it was almost like he was daring me to say something or do something or SOMETHING!!! He left, but only to return a few hours later. We sat there and talked, flirted some more, and I was getting so excited for the end of work to come so we could go out. Finally at 10PM, my relief came and I drove home (about 5 minutes) to change into something cute: jeans and a black sweater I had just bought 2 days ago. My roommate and her boyfriend were sitting at the kitchen table studying. "I am going to hell for this," I stated. I told them about where I was going and with who and how he was very attached to another girl. I got out the Rum, left there by my alcoholic friend Christie. I needed a shot. As I told them my tale of how at one time I would never go after another girl's guy (I have been on the shitty end of the deal more than once) I drank about 2 shots of Rum....YUCK!!!! But I was so nervous I thought I was going to throw up and thought maybe it would settle me a little. Nope. I was still nervous and excited. I said goodbye to my roommate and the night began.
Ron and I had agreed to meet on the top deck of the McAllister Parking Garage downtown, about a block from the bar we were going to. On the way I stopped and bought some gum and as I got into my little car I remember thinking how lucky I was to have the life I had. I was only 23 years old, newly out of a terrible relationship, was about a year and half away from getting my degree in Sociology and Human Development and had a brand new car. I had friends, a cool roommate, a great job, and loved my classes. On my way downtown I rolled down my window, even though it was February and freezing outside, I needed some fresh air. I remember thinking about my last relationship....Adam. He was a tough one to get over - I had been trying since 1998, the year we met. We were destined to fail. Some may say because we were too young, some may blame it on the fact that we were both Scorpios, some may chalk it up to timing. Either way, the most recent time he cheated and lied was the last for me. I had enough. I knew this time, the breakup was real, because all the feelings I had for him had completely disappeared, and that had never happened before. Other times when we fought or he cheated and we broke up, I always had a sadness, as if I wished somehow we could work it out. This time, though, instead of a sadness in my head, I felt relief. Instead of feeling upset about the breakup and wishing it wouldnt have happened, I was actually happy he lied again. That was just what I needed to see the light. For almost 3 years I had stayed in a relationship I wasn't happy in, and why? Because I didnt realize I wasnt happy. All that time I worried that he didn't love me anymore, when I should have been thinking about whether or not I loved him.
Just as I turned onto Beaver Avenue, my favorite song came on the radio and I sped up to the top of the deck and parked, seeing Ron's Bronco parked already. I jumped out of the car and ran over to him, where we laughed for being so sneaky and I told him I drank some Rum before I came. He laughed at me for being a goof and we walked to the Shandygaff. It was Ladies Night so I got in for free. I paid the $5 cover for Ron, and in return, he bought me 2 Long Island Iced Teas. MMMMM. My favorite. I downed them as he had 2 Captain and Cokes. He was so cute I couldnt stand it. I leaned over to say something to him and he kissed me....right on the mouth! It was such a suprise - I was dying here. I pulled away and announced, "You just kissed me!" "I know," he answered.
"Do you know what that means?" I asked him.
"Yes, it means I just cheated on Shawna," he answered again.
"Do you feel bad about that?"
"Nope," he replied with a grin. WooHoo! I was in, I was falling in love with this guy. I can remember that at that moment I was happier than I had been in months. All this time of dreaming about my crush at the garage and here I was kissing him. I was so excited I felt like a teenager again. Earlier in the day he had told me that 'if I wanted him, I could have him'-define that as you will. So, I was definitely in the best mood of my life. We kissed some more in the bar, we each had another drink, and then somehow we ended up going back to my car. I don't really remember why - I think the main reason was to either get money or make out, because we didn't go anywhere. He gave me a hickey on my neck (which you can't see right now...you'll see why later) and he was saying the best things, things a guy hadnt said to me, like ever.
"I want to go to sleep tonight and wake up beside you," he mumbled in my ear.
Ummmmmm. Hello?? I am totally liking this sweet talker. Then, when my windows were all nice and steamy, he wrote, 'I Love Renee' on the window with his finger. I remember thinking how I would never wash that window again...little did I know, I never would. But okay. If I wasn't sure before, I am sure now. I totally love Ron, my parking garage crush for like 6 months. His eyelashes were so long, I remember kissing him with my eyes open and staring at them. The stubble on his chin was chafing my face, but that was okay. I remember him telling me I smelled good, my hair was soft, all sorts of things guys tell girls when they are in the middle of a heavy make-out session. In between kisses, we talked about our future...him saying that he was tired of dealing with his bitchy girlfriend, and me telling him just how long I had been drooling over his hottie ass. I spilled it all, how I used to check the schedule and hope we worked the same shifts, how I purposely stopped by or parked in the garage when I knew he would be there...and he told me silly things he had done while I was working, like bringing along cologne and making sure he was wearing clean jeans.
It all had to end though, because I had to pee really bad. So we get out of my car and back to the bar. I was so giddy, and felt like I just had to share it with someone, as if maybe if someone else didnt see me so happy, it wasnt really true. Kind of like...if a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, did it make a sound? So as Ron waited on the stairs across from the bar, I ran up to the Pugh Street garage and said Hi to Amanda, a friend of mine took over the shift when Ron left. I remember telling her she looked like she lost weight, but I think it was the alcohol that made me think that. She laughed at me for being a lush and I walked over to the public bathrooms to pee. After I was done I went back to Ron and we went back into the bar. Ron orders both of us more drinks. I really don't need another drink, because by this point, I am totally drunk. I drink up though, and convice Ron to dance with me. He thinks I am a total nut but I'm drunk and my favorite 80's song is on. After we are all nice and sweaty from grinding our drunk asses on the dance floor, we return to the bar and finish our drinks. I had to pee again, and Ron tried to follow me into the bathroom. I laughed hysterically at him and told him he needed to wait outside. I fixed my hair and wiped the sweat from my face. I look at my watch. 12:50am. Okay, the bars don't close til 2, so I have a little over an hour to drink some water and sober up before driving home. I walked back out to the bar and sat next to Ron. I remember thinking my next drink would be water.
TIME LAPSE OF ABOUT 20 MINUTES.
The next thing I know, I am in the front seat of my car, which is wrecked and twisted horribly, with blood dripping all over me and glass everywhere. I can remember my air bag being partially inflated in front of me, slowly getting smaller, splattered with blood and glass. I can smell smoke and my hand is throbbing. I can't move my head at all and I can't even feel the left side of my face, it's numb. I hear people everywhere, yelling, talking...to me? Someone is reaching in front of me through the broken window, covering me with plastic. Am I dead? "Ma'am? I'm going to put this plastic over you and we're going to cut the roof and windshield now, OK?" I don't remember responding to that, but I do remember plastic covering me up. I heard a horrible grinding sound, like an electric saw, and felt glass shattering all over the plastic on my body. I remember saying, "I'm so sorry," over and over again. I didnt understand what was going on. I looked at my hand, it was still on the steering wheel. It was covered in blood, dripping all over me. I could see the top of my hand was shredded and there was shards of glass poking out of it. The saw is so loud and the plastic is starting to get bloody from my hair and face. I swallow and taste blood as well as feel glass crunching in my teeth. I look down and the blood is in a puddle in my lap. My head hurt so bad, not like a headache, but more like someone had just hit me with a hammer. I tried to look at Ron, but couldnt move my neck. I touched his leg, and he was perfectly still. I touched his knee, which I could see out of the corner of my eye. He was kind of hunched up against the passenger side window, slumped like he was sleeping. He still didnt move. I start to cry and couldn't stop even though it hurt my chest so bad to breathe like that. I was so scared. "I'm so sorry," I mutter over and over to no one in particular, sobbing underneath the plastic in the cold air. My roof was suddenly gone. I can plainly remember seeing a house in front of me. Did I wreck into someone's house?? All the colors and lights were blurring together. I could hear people shouting and I looked awkwardly to the side. I could see the stars, they were yellow stripes.
I don't know how they got me out of what was left of my car and into the ambulance. It was as if I was in abd out of consciousness the entire night. I vaguely remember hearing the siren and wondering what would happen if the ambulance wrecked. The next time I regained consciousness is when they were wheeling me into the emergency room of the Centre Community Hospital. People were poking me with needles and a female police officer was walking beside me, asking me all sorts of questions I don't remember answering. A doctor was asking me questions, and no one was answering mine. The only thing I remember saying is, "How is the guy that was with me? Is he okay? Where is he?" The only thing the nurses would tell me was, "It isn't good, they life-flighted him to Hershey Trauma Center." I was never so petrified in my life.
Once they got me into the emergency room, I only remember bits and pieces. The first thing I remember is someone pulling my shoes and socks off. Someone grabbed my toes and asked me if I could feel them. I said yes. That really scared me. Then a man with scissors cut my sweater off and rolled me on my side to unhook my bra. A woman at the other end of me unzipped my jeans and pulled them off. I was lying there in front of about 20 people in my thong, and I didnt even care. "Please help me," I remember asking one person who was poking my stomach. The doctor told me he had to feel around for internal injuries and people kept asking me if I could feel my toes. I kept asking them about Ron, but no one could give me an answer. I just laid there and stared at the ceiling while all the hustling went on around me, wondering what I had done.
A few hours passed. I remember things here and there, like being x-rayed a million times and an orderly washing off my bloody, glassy, bruising hand. The pain in my hand was unbearable. here was a plastic collar on my neck and I was laying perfectly flat on a stretcher. Everything hurt so bad and there was an IV in my hand. Everyone kept asking me if there was someone they could call....a parent, a friend, a roommate? "No," I kept answering. For some reason, I was under the impression that they were going to clean me up and send me home, that someone would have my car waiting for me out in the parking lot. I would call my parents when I got home and tell them what happened to my brand new car, maybe I would pick up another job to pay for the damage. At the time all I remembered was seeing a cracked windshield; I didn't remember the saw that had completely ripped the windshield and roof off. Finally, a nurse insisted that she at least call my roommate so she would know where I was. I agreed and drifted off again.
About 6:30am, I woke up as I was being wheeled out of the emergency room and got admitted into a room. A nurse came in and went down the list of hospital procedures, such as when visiting hours were and when meals were served. At that very moment, I realized where I was and what was happening. I started crying hysterically, and demanded that someone tell me where Ron was. A nurse came in and gave me a shot of morphine, and I fell asleep for another couple hours.
I woke up about 9am when a nurse was telling me she was going to take my blood. Aggghhh!!! I hate needles and looking at the IV sticking out of my hand was horrifying enough. Thankfully the nurse was very good and stuck my vein right away. It only took a few seconds. She went away and another nurse came in. She introduced herself as Rosie and asked me how I was feeling. "Everthing hurts," I summed it up for her. She gave me more morphine in my IV and asked if I had called my parents. I told her I hadn't. She convinced me to call my mom, who lives in Philadelphia. I called her and told her I was in an accident, but I was alive and fine, even though I honestly had no idea how I was. It was so hard to tell her, I kept thinking of every parent's worst nightmare. It was hard to believe that I had been in the emergency room for 8 hours and no one knew. My mom started crying and insisted that she come up to be with me. I told her she really didnt need to, because they were only holding me until my x-rays were okayed. She said that needed to be there with me, and would be there in a few hours. I also called my friend Christie and told her what happened. She said she would be over as soon as she could. A very helpful nurse tracked down my dad at the PSU campus. I was practically in tears thinking of my dad being paged and being told to call the Centre Country Hospital about his daughter. When he finally called I could hardly talk to him without choking up. A nurse took the phone from me and talked to him calmly. After she hung up she told me he was on his way.. My back was killing me and I couldnt breathe very well, I guessed that my ribs were bruised. My hand wasnt feeling too hot either. To make matters worse, I still had that horrible brace on my neck, and was lying flat in a bed. They wouldnt let me recline the bed or even have a pillow. "Not until the doctor sees these x-rays," a nurse told me. I layed there and tried to sleep again. I was horrified. I had no idea how Ron was. No one knew for sure and I couldnt understand why he wasnt at the same hospital. I tried not to cry and stared at the ceiling.
About 10am a police officer walked in and introduced himself. I have never been in trouble before so I wasnt really scared but know I was about to get a DUI. He reads me my rights and asks if he can ask a few questions. He told me he wasnt arresting me so I wasnt too worried. Of course, I say sure and answer every single one he asks me, even though I shouldnt have, as my lawyer advised me later. I kept thinking the more I told, the more I would be helping Ron. I really wanted to cooperate and knew there was no way out of the DUI so what was the point of not saying anything. I told him as much as I remembered, starting with the shots I had at home. I told him I didnt remember the accident at all, and I ask where it happened. For some reason I kept thinking I wrecked downtown on Beaver Avenue, a one-way street. I was thinking that I pulled out of the parking deck and started going the wrong way, on the one-way street. I seriously thought I wrecked into a house. When he told me Atherton Street, I was shocked. I was suprised I made it that far, a good mile and a half, since I was obviously so drunk I couldnt remember leaving the bar, getting into my car, or driving at all. In fact, if I hadn't clearly remembered waking up and seeing the steering wheel in front of me, I honestly would have questioned that I was the one driving. The officer told me that I crossed the center lane after I accelerated, smashing into somone's front yard. He said I flew over the curb and a stone wall, hitting a tree, which caused my car to go airborne on its side. Then I hit another tree while on its side, smashing in the roof. My car then flew into ANOTHER tree, and fell to the ground, stopping. He told that it took the rescue workers over an hour to get us both out of my car.
I would be charged with DUI and Vehicular Homicide is Ron were to die. At this point, he didnt really know anything about his condition and advised me to get a lawyer. Jesus Christ.
After he left, a nurse came in and tried to calm me down. I was in hysterics and just wanted to puke. I thought I killed Ron and was going to prison for the rest of my life. I deserved it, I was a horrible, horrible person. I deserved every day I would be sentenced to. What kind of person drives in the condition I was in and endangers peoples LIVES? What kind of person drinks like 10 shots and is so reckless they just lose control of their vehicle and wrecks? What kind of person could be so careless with LIFE? Just send me straight to hell, prison wasnt bad enough. I couldn't stop crying.
After the nurses gave me more morphine, they rolled me down to get a CAT scan. About 20 minutes after being put back into bed, I could hear footsteps running down the hall. A nurse came running into my room and hovers over my face.
"Renee, don't move." Okay, this was scary.
"Um, is it bad?" I asked her.
"Yes, hon, it's really bad. Your neck is broken. If you move the wrong way, you could be paralyzed from the neck down. They just called a helicopter, we are flying you to Geisinger Medical Center."
OH GOOD GOD. I have the chance of being paralyzed?? In a helicopter? Oh my god. I am totally terrified now. More than terrified, but on the way of becoming severely traumatized. Number one, I dont want anyone touching me, even doctors. I just want to lie on the flat bed with my eyes on the ceiling and not be moved any which way. Number two, I have never been in a helicopter in my life. What if it were to crash? Paralyzed? GOD.
Soon my dad and Christie show up, My dad looks like he is about to cry and sits next to me rubbing the hand with the IV in it. Christie stands there and looks like she is in shock. I tried to joke around with them, but it didnt work. How could I even pretend it wasnt as bad as it looked? Rosie the nurse came back and tried to clean some of the blood off my face, but it hurt so bad she had to stop. I could still feel the glass in my forehead and it hurt to be touched. My left hand was stoved badly and had a huge bandage wrapped around it. I could see the blood soaking through it and it was making me sick in my stomach. As my dad and Christie tried to make small talk, I watched the dripping of the IV and it freaked me out. I remember thinking about an air bubble, would that kill me? Everytime the nurse did something with the IV I got nauseated just thinking about chemicals dripping into my bloodstream.
The helicopter came about 1:30pm and some men in orange suits came up and moved me onto a stretcher again. I was so paranoid they would turn me the wrong way.
"You do know my neck is fractured, right?" I asked them.
"Yes ma'am, we do," one of the men answered. "We do this all the time, no worries, okay?"
"Okay," I answered, but I was absolutely terrified of losing function of my body.
The helicopter ride wasnt that bad. It was very loud and they had to put earmuffs on my ears, probably so I wouldnt go deaf. I asked one of the men what would happen to me and he told me that I was going to need surgery or wear a halo for a few months. I started crying again and thought of Ron. If it was this bad for me, who they took to a local hospital first, how bad could it have been for him? Was he even alive? I was sick with worry about him and his baby and what would happen if I killed him. How would I be able to live with myself?
Finally I got to Geisinger and they admitted me to a bed. My family arrived soon after that. My mom had actually arrived at Centre Community just as my helicopter was taking off. When they told her I had been flown to Geisinger, she had to turn around and drive about 100 miles in the direction she had just came. I can only imagine what she thought when they told her I was being life-flighted. I felt just terrible. I was scared that I would need surgery and it would take months to recuperate, I was scared for Ron and whether he would live or die or be paralyzed or what, and I was scared of what might happen to me after I get out of the hospital, like prison? I am not a bad person....a criminal...I was so scared and confused.
They took me down for more x-rays and with every bump the stretcher hits I wiggled my toes to make sure I could still feel them. About 4 hours later a doctor came up and informed me that although I fractured my C2 in my neck, I shouldnt need surgery at the moment and had to wear a cervical collar (a very attractive blue plastic contraption) for the next 2 months, and to come back in 2 weeks for more x-rays. My left hand, the one on the steering wheel, was stoved badly and would probably swell some more. I wouldnt be able to use it for awhile, but it wasnt broken. I had a concussion from breaking out the drivers side window with my head (!) but the swelling should go down and the feeling should come back soon. I was relieved. I stayed over night in the hospital and didnt even want to be released the next day. When someone tells you that you could be paralyzed if you move wrong, you dont want to move, even after someone else, even a doctor, tells you its okay.
Saturday morning, still in the hospital, Shawna, Ron's girlfriend called me. She told me that Ron was on life support and she had a baby to take care of. LIFE SUPPORT? I felt like total shit. I started crying and kept apologizing, although it felt completely pointless. She also informed that I would not be calling or visiting Ron, as I was not the most favorite person on anyone's list at the moment. Obviously, she didnt know about me and Ron's brief affair and she asked me what we were doing together and where we were going. The accident happened on the way back to my apartment, although I don't remember deciding to go there. However, I told her that we just went out for some drinks after work and I had no idea where we were going, which was the truth. She proceeds to make me feel even more horrible and rubs it in that everything is my fault because I was drunk. As if I didnt already feel like jumping off the top of the hospital. I knew it was my fault and Ron was in the hospital because of me and I feel like shit already, thanks for the concern, Shawna.
I was released the next day and my mom took me back to my apartment and stayed overnight with me. She helped me to bath and wash my hair and feed me. There were all kinds of little sticks and branches in my hair, I guess from the trees in the yard. She went to the grocery store and stocked my fridge and changed the cat litter. She waited on me hand and foot for the rest of the weekend before she had to return home.
It was difficult to sleep but I had a prescription of Percocet that helped alleviate the pain in my back, hand and neck. I prayed that if only God let Ron live I would never drink and drive again and never go after a guy that had a girlfriend.
Sunday I called Kris, my boss at the parking garage, (also Shawna's aunt) and asked her how Ron was doing. Thankfully, she was still speaking to me and assured me that he was going to be all right. He was still in Intensive Care but he was starting therapy and the doctors are certain he will have a full recovery. I started to cry. I was so happy, so relieved that he was going to be okay.
That Tuesday I had my first conversation with my lawyer, who informs me that he is going to try as hard as he can to get the police to drop the charges, and I am like, what charges? It turns out that even though nobody died, I can still be charged with Aggravated Assault by Vehicle While DUI. He tells me its a slim chance that he can get me out of it though. He asks me some questions and tells me to call if I remember anything.
May 2002
Today I am currently serving the last month of my 6 months house arrest. After my 2 months in the cervical collar and missing 2 months of classes, I returned to college and finished out the semester. I met an amazing guy, Steve, that was there for me through everything (even though I probably didn't deserve it at times) and really alleviated the stress this incident caused for me. I took 3 summer classes, and in early June, I was informed by PSU that I was suspended for 1 year, as a result of the charges brought against me. Even though I was convicted of NOTHING yet, they could suspend me just because I was charged with a crime. I fought it and requested a hearing, but they couldnt have it until the end of August. All summer long I wondered if I would be a student in the fall, if I should buy books, look for a job, register for classes, or maybe I wouldn't even have to worry...would I be in prison?? At my PSU hearing, the jurors sentenced me to 1 year suspension from PSU, and even added on 50 hours of community service for inconveniencing them. All summer long the criminal hearings and trials were continued on account of missing information and other law information I didn't understand. In late October, I had my jury selection for the criminal trial. The best deal so far the District Attorney had given me was 3 years in state prison. Unwilling to accept that, me and my lawyer went to the Pre-Trial Conference, Preliminary hearing, and all those awful criminal court meetings. The jury selected for my case was horrible, half of them knew people in DUI accidents and the other half were involved in MADD or SADD. One man even announced to the whole jury that his father was killed by a drunk driver. Two days after the jury selection, my lawyer called me and told me a new deal had been offered: if I plead guilty to the felony charge of Aggravated Assault by Vehicle While DUI, the sentence would be 6 months house arrest and probation for 2 years, and loss of license for 2 years. I was advised to take the deal. House arrest started Nov. 16th, 2001, and will end May 16th, 2002. I CANNOT WAIT. Steve moved in with me in October, before the house arrest started, since while on house arrest no visitors, besides family, are allowed. Roommates are an exception. He took care of me in every way possible, from doing the laundry, doing the grocery shopping, driving me to work, to meetings, to appointments, everything. I am so lucky I found him.
Although this is much better than prison, by far, it still sucks and I miss my friends and family. I consider myself lucky that I am okay, Ron is completely fine now, and my life seems to be working out after all. Only, now, with a felony on my record, career plans are changing. The horrible feelings of guilt have passed, and although drinking still doesnt appeal to me, I'm sure I'll be able to live my life normally, as soon as I get this dang bracelet off my ankle!
November 2003
Probation is over! I have my license back and I'm finally able to go into bars again. I met a great guy who I'm madly in love with and plan on moving with after graduation in December. The accident almost seems like a bad dream I had a long, long time ago. I rarely think about it anymore, I havn't had any contact with Ron or anyone else that reminds me of the accident. It seems like it truly is over. The only obstacle I think I'll face in my life is the felony on my record, and I'm starting to not really worry too much. I'm going to grad school next year and I think that my education may offset a stupid mistake I made many, many years ago.
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