...and for those of you who don't speak rude boi, Welcome to the Homies Section. Here you can see the DJ's homies and a little about them. Enjoy
THE FACTS STATED HERE DO NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT THE THOUGHTS OF DJ WITTZY (ESPECIALLY THE NICKNAMES), THOUGH FOR CERTAIN PEOPLE IT SUMS UP EXACTLY WHAT HE THINKS OF THEM. NONE OF THESE ARE MEANT TO OFFEND THOSE WHO APPEAR HERE (ALTHOUGH IF IT DOES, IT'S A BONUS)
Nicknames: Jezza, Jezzabelle, Idiot, Wannabe-Chinese-man, Wally
Personality: Attention-seeking, Stupid, Immature, Cowardly
Footy Team: Newcastle United
Idols: Jackie Chan, Memory Bank presenters, Alan Shearer
Stupid Things Done: Too many, but here are a few:
During year 11, he made a smoothie during lunch break and only just had enough time to clear up and put all the ingredients back in his plastic bag.
Jerome also made Angel Delight (with milk that was out of date) during another one of his lunch breaks.
When eating a rice pudding, which he thought was out of date, went to check the lid for the best before date (which Notty had put in an empty bottle of chocolate milk lying around) and opened the bottle to find that Notty was lying and that it wasn't past its sell-by date.
When at Nando's, ordered a hot chicken dish and put the extra hot chili sauce on it, thinking that it wouldn't be hot..... So, when he realised it was slightly hotter than he thought, he drunk loads of Sprite to cool the burning in his mouth.
Bought a stupid 20-something-year-old red bike second-hand for £35 from a "friend".
Oh and finally, during summer 2004, made a homemade film about an Alien... no budget, no planning, no script, need I say more?
Did You Know: Jerome claims to be able to get pissed after drinking only 2 beers....
What To Do If You See Him: Point and laugh, try to sell him something over-priced, or take the piss out of his film, telling him that it is infact not funny, and that if you saw it, you were laughing at him not with him.
Nicknames: Notty, Ginger, Scum, Insignificant creature, That thing, Idiot, Alcoholic, Chav
Personality: Irritating, immature, purposely awkward, rude, a bully to younger students
Footy Team: Chelsea
Idols: Led Zeppelin, Me, The Wurzels (whoever they are...?)
Stupid Things Done: Going home in an ambulance after getting pissed at our college ball.
Screaming every time the ball comes towards him when playing football.
Having a "Richard Of The Week" section on his website.
Anything to have come out of his mouth, including his made up creatures and myths.
CRASHING HIS CAR INTO A BRIDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did You Know: The nickname "alcoholic" comes from when he got pissed at our college ball, and went home in an ambulance! ....The shame....
What To Do If You See Him: Shout "You're going home in an ambulance!" as loud as you can, or just mug him instead... oh and "Watch out for that bridge Notty!"
(DON'T) Visit His Website: www.oocities.org/onionflavouredchickenfish
Nicknames: Woodsey, King Woodsey
Personality: Quiet, Intelligent (unless with Notty)
Footy Team: Tottenham Hotspur
Idols: Lemar, Ledley King, Robbie Keane
Stupid Things Done: Sitting on a three-legged chair in the canteen and falling off it spectacularly!
Did You Know: Woodsey likes Pug dogs.....
What To Do If You See Him: Ask how the Lemar album is going and discuss Spurs' performance at the weekend.
Visit His Website: www.oocities.org/kingwoodsey
Nicknames: Salter, Sheep, unloved child, a disappointment
Personality: Odd, pessimist, communist, a little dopey, punmeister, scapegoat, idiot, gullable
Footy Team: Leicester City
Idols: Lenin
Stupid Things Done: Thinking the Brookwood field had burnt down when Spenza texted him saying it had (when it hadn't) and then texting him back asking a serious question: "Was there really a fire there?"
Thinking that you could catch someone out in cricket with the "one hand one bounce" rule....
Making a horrific impression of Big Webby's "CHILES CHILES CHILES!" chant.
Did You Know: Although Salter is fascinated with communism, he is not a real communist, rather like a certain "DJ"........ yeh, I think you know what I mean.... He is also a top drummer and a D&B fan.... and is regularly compared to a sheep (for obvious reasons)
What To Do If You See Him: Stroke his hair, or if you're as cruel as Spenza, run into him for no reason whatsoever.
Nicknames: Guy, Milky Bar kid, Stupid donkey
Personality: Odd, irritating (according to Jerome), Cowardly, bad-tempered
Footy Team: None
Idols: Fien, Sarah, Faye, Eddy Grant
Stupid Things Done: Strangely enough, I can't think of one..... However, I am sure you lot can help me here....
Did You Know: Notty once asked Guy to marry him. Unexpectedly, Guy said no and left Notty broken-hearted.
What To Do If You See Him: Ask him for a Milky Bar or make a joke about his bleach blonde hair.
Nicknames: Spenza, Spenky Spoo, Ferret, Small-headed creature
Personality: Loud, party-animal, dictator, bad-tempered
Footy Team: None
Idols: Er.....????? Help anyone?
Stupid Things Done: Getting pissed out of his bloody head at Notty's party and mooning at everyone (especially Lanky) all night
Did You Know: Salter is often Spenza's scapegoat for abuse when things go wrong and Salter is involved. Mind you, in situations like that, Salter is everyone's scapegoat.
What To Do If You See Him: Talk about ferrets and make fun about the size of his head.
Nicknames: Big Webb, Webby, Bob
Personality: Funny, Lazy, abusive
Footy Team: Arsenal
Idols: Andy Fordham, Peter Kay, Jack Dee
Stupid Things Done: Throwing up when he gets pissed, which happens at most parties I've seen him at...
Did You Know: You can spot Big Webby at every Woking FC home game and some away games too; he has been a season-ticket holder for 11 years. He is also very fond of Brian, our graphics teacher, and his colourful ties.
What To Do If You See Him: Plan how you and Webby are going to abuse Notty when you next see him.
Nicknames: Collett, Chris
Personality: Irritating, threatening, unforgiving, tormentor
Footy Team: Manchester United
Idols: Er....?
Stupid Things Done: Choosing to do accounts with me...... Writing off his car in the near-distant future (you know it's inevitable). Twice hitting cars whilst parking. To be fair his driving is fucking awful, and his parking abysmal...
Did You Know: Collett has been stopped regularly by the Police whilst out on his moped and now his car for various reasons....
What To Do If You See Him: Tell him to "Wake Up!", then poke him in the stomach and run away, as you know he won't catch you up, unless he's in his car.
Nicknames: CHILES CHILES CHILES!, Charlie
Personality: Funny, joker, lazy, forgetful
Footy Team: Arsenal
Idols: ......?
Stupid Things Done: Promising to organise paintballing and never getting round to doing it because he's too lazy...
Did You Know: Charles is a top rugby player and plays for Chobham.
What To Do If You See Him: Make a comment about the size of his nose, then run away quickly otherwise he'll rugby tackle you and you'll be crippled for the rest of the week.
Nicknames: Webby, Little Webb
Personality: Logical
Footy Team: Manchester United
Idols: ......?
Stupid Things Done: Throwing up at the Christmas ball, after Notty had thrown up on him.
Did You Know: Although not related, both Adam Webbs have their birthday in April, went to the same high school and go to the same college. Also, they have known each other pretty much their whole life.
What To Do If You See Him: Talk about how fun Law is, and how Salter enjoyed it so much before dropping it.......
Nicknames: Wellman, Colin
Personality: Intelligent
Footy Team: Liverpool
Idols: ......?
Stupid Things Done: Failing his driving test twice, then when he had finally passed, forgetting to brake soon enough and hitting a white Mercedes van which lost its bumper in the crash!
Did You Know: Wellman is good at speaking German.....
What To Do If You See Him: Ask if he's hit any more white Mercedes vans lately.....
Nicknames: Tom, Bowen, Ginger
Personality: A little dopey, risk-taker, alcoholic
Footy Team: Arsenal?
Idols: ......?
Stupid Things Done: Apparently getting so pissed abroad he had to have his stomach pumped.
Dying his hair from ginger to black so that even more jokes were directed at his hair.
Did You Know: Bowen got his eyebrow shaved off in a sleepover, and recently got thrown out of a taxi after getting totally pissed out of his head during a party...
What To Do If You See Him: Shout "GINGER!" at him and point at his hair and laugh. Then remind him of the time his eyebrow was shaved off.
Nicknames: Duey, Ant, Dusey
Personality: Violent, abusive, comical
Footy Team: Manchester United
Idols: ......?
Stupid Things Done: Braking suddenly on his moped when he was about to hit a car, and went flying head first into it instead. Being caught for speeding (going at 47 in a 30mph zone)
Did You Know: Like Collett, Duey has passed his driving test (somehow) and drives to college.
What To Do If You See Him: If he's wearing it, nick his cap and run otherwise he'll deck you.
Nicknames: Flecky, Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Personality: Tormentor, intensely irritating, show-off, arrogant
Footy Team: Tottenham Hotspur
Idols: ......?
Stupid Things Done: Choosing to do accounts with me, then sitting near me...
Did You Know: Flecky likes to wear woman's clothing, especially coats. Oh, and also takes photos on his mobile of himself posing semi-naked as he's so in love with himself...
What To Do If You See Him: Talk about Cock - he's a big fan of it....
Nicknames: Manny, Trevor
Personality: Intelligent, logical
Footy Team: Arsenal
Idols: Sachin Tendulkar
Stupid Things Done: Arranging football or going to the cinema, then not turning up!
Did You Know: Manish also does further maths - I ain't the only one!
What To Do If You See Him: Ask if Jerome has embarrassed himself lately, by saying or doing something stupid.
Nicknames: A.K.
Personality: Quiet
Footy Team: ......AK has an AC Milan shirt....?
Idols: ......?
Stupid Things Done: None
Did You Know: Alex was the cameraman for Jerome's shitty homemade film...
What To Do If You See Him: Ask if Jerome's bothering him about doing another film.
Nicknames: CJ, Ceeej, Chris
Personality: Logical
Footy Team: Manchester United
Idols: ......?
Stupid Things Done: None
Did You Know: CJ is in my form...........
What To Do If You See Him: Congratulate him on passing his driving test.
Nicknames: Swanny
Personality: Joker
Footy Team: Tottenham Hotspur
Idols: Robbie Keane
Stupid Things Done: Wasting time and money watching Spurs play.......
Did You Know: Swanny is always one of the first people to remind me when West Ham have lost to someone they really shouldn't have lost to.
What To Do If You See Him: Talk about Spurs' latest defeat, or he'll be the first to let you know when they've won.....
Nicknames: Lanky, Spanky
Personality: Quiet, Logical, a little dopey
Footy Team: Arsenal
Idols: ......?
Stupid Things Done: Lanky walked out of Science in Year 10, not noticing that his bag was considerably heavier, as Collett had put a massive heavy Power-pack in his bag.
Did You Know: Lanky has already passed his driving test.
What To Do If You See Him: Ask if he is missing Collett and Spenza....
Nicknames: Beezy, Beez
Personality: Funny, comical, violent
Footy Team: Liverpool
Idols: ......?
Stupid Things Done: None...
Did You Know: Beezy and Rosseiter often used to try and beat the shit out of each other during art lessons in Year 10/11.
What To Do If You See Him: Tell him to hit Collett... hard... as you know he'll be only too happy to oblige.
Nicknames: Eddy, Ed, Ed-pac
Personality: Funny
Footy Team: Manchester United
Idols: Lionel Richie......
Stupid Things Done: None...
Did You Know: Ed has had the same shaven haircut for the last 5+ years or so....
What To Do If You See Him: Ask how life at Godalming College is going... and how Jake is - and if he still wants to give Notty beatings...
Nicknames: Jim, Wheatley
Personality: Comical, a little dopey, loud, reasonably hyperactive, occasionally aggressive
Footy Team: Bolton Wanderers
Idols: Peter Kay, Lee Evans etc....
Stupid Things Done: Getting pissed many times and then doing stupid things....
Did You Know: Jim is well above 6 foot tall....
What To Do If You See Him: Ask how life at Guildford College is going... and ask what's like being able to see above the clouds.
Nicknames: Harrison
Personality: Comical, Angry, abusive
Footy Team: Manchester United
Idols: ..........?
Stupid Things Done: The many times Harrison got angry and needlessly violent, though to be fair, it was funny and the anger was usually directed at Salter or Spenza or Lanky or Notty...
Did You Know: Harrison is short, and like Spenza, bullied Salter during Science lessons last year.
What To Do If You See Him: Ask if he is coping without seeing Notty, Spenza and Salter all the time like at Winston.
Nicknames: Rozita
Personality: Comical, laid-back
Footy Team: Chelsea
Idols: ..........?
Stupid Things Done: Getting pissed frequently....
Did You Know: Rozita, quite rightly, bullied Notty during Maths (and most other lessons probably) last year at Winston.
What To Do If You See Him: Ask how life is without seeing Notty every day....
Nicknames: Knighty
Personality: Funny, abusive, violent
Footy Team: Aston Villa
Idols: ..........?
Stupid Things Done: Jake is not the sort of person to do something stupid...
Did You Know: Jake gave Notty plenty of beatings and abuse during last year, which was quite deserved and overdue, and will probably give me the same treatment for his profile....
What To Do If You See Him: Ask if he is missing Notty.... or if he has found a new scapegoat for abuse...
Nicknames: Parish
Personality: Funny, joker
Footy Team: ........?
Idols: Too many to mention probably.....
Stupid Things Done: Too many to mention probably.....
Did You Know: Parish is a very good comedian and always a crowd-pleaser.
What To Do If You See Him: Ask how life at Brooklands with Harrison is...
Nicknames: Sarah, Saz, Tinkerbell Saz
Personality: Friendly, kind
Footy Team: .......
Idols: .....?
Stupid Things Done: None.....
Did You Know: Sarah Jayne is the first female in the Homies section! She is also in my form along with CJ...
What To Do If You See Her: Tell her she's in the top two most attractive people on here, along with Holly....
Nicknames: Errit
Personality: Loud, a little stupid
Footy Team: Manchester United
Idols: .....?
Stupid Things Done: Getting his jumper caught in the wheel of his bike, and going flying head-first over the handle-bars onto the concrete. Poor Mark grazed his hands...
Did You Know: Mark is one half of "Team Ugly" - his partner in crime is Spenza.
What To Do If You See Him: Ask him if he knows where his ugly teammate Spenza is, then point at him and shout "Ugly!"
Nicknames: Sam, Brindley
Personality: Comical, a little stupid
Footy Team: ........?
Idols: .....?
Stupid Things Done: Apparently throwing up at college, after getting so pissed the night before at the college ball.
Did You Know: Brindley is in my graphics class and, like Big Webby, regularly annoys Brian.
What To Do If You See Him: Point at his hair and shout "Blondie!"
Nicknames: Holly
Personality: Friendly, kind
Footy Team: ..........
Idols: DJ Wittzy (apparently...)
Stupid Things Done: None....
Did You Know: Holly is over 6 foot tall.....
What To Do If You See Her: Tell her she's in the top two most attractive people on here, along with Sarah Jayne...
Nicknames: Whitey, Pavin'
Personality: Funny, Immature
Footy Team: Manchester United
Idols: ........?
Stupid Things Done: Dislocating his shoulder....
Did You Know: Adam's nickname "Pavin'" comes from Crazy-paving, which was apparently made up during psychology, so Spenza says....
What To Do If You See Him: Talk about groins and stuff...
Nicknames: Wardy
Personality: Logical, angry, grumpy
Footy Team: ............?
Idols: ........?
Stupid Things Done: None....
Did You Know: Wardy likes McLaren F1 and Mercedes C-Class cars (or something like that), and was driven absolutely nuts by Notty at Winston; he was also in my graphics class too.
What To Do If You See Him: Ask how much he is missing his (and everyone's) best pal Notty....
Nicknames: Dave
Personality: Funny, Generous, a little dim, Annoying (on occasions), Moaner
Footy Team: Chelsea (coz he's a glory hunter)
Idols: ........?
Stupid Things Done: Wasting £180 (yes that's one hundred-and-eighty!) on a haircut which took three hours to finish. Funnily enough I got my head shaved on the same day - cost £8.50 and took less than ten minutes....
Did You Know: Dave is in my accounts and maths classes
What To Do If You See Him: Ask about his crush - her name starts with "R" and is five letters long! ;-)
Nicknames: Rosie, Roz, Rosemary, Prague
Personality: Friendly, Kind, very girly, not as good at maths as me (even though she could easily copy me as she sits next to me)....
Footy Team: ..........
Idols: ........?
Stupid Things Done: Encouraging abuse from Collett and Duey in accounts by sitting near them... and not coming to my Rave, i spose....
Did You Know: Rosie is a regular victim of abuse to Collett and Duey in accounts, oh and she can't wait to go to Prague, apparently... And she also likes sheep.....
What To Do If You See Her: Tell her that there is someone (in this very Homies section) who has a crush on her - his name is four letters long and starts with a "D".... I'm NOT joking btw
