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| MY STORY- 2000 |
| My daughter started having problems when she was 10. Although I didn't know about it until she was 13. At the age of 10 was when she starting feeling like she didn't fit in with the other kids. That she didn't have friends. She started thinking then that she was fat, ugly and stupid. It is sad what kids do to one another. In the 8th grade is when these problems came to the surface. My daughter started having panic attacks. At first I didn't know what they were. My daughter ran away several times. Always telling us that it wasn't us she was running away from. The first time she tried to kill herself she took 18 tylenol with codiene. That was a first trip of too many to the hospital. Another time she threatened to kill herself and was sent down south for 3 days to a Behavioral Health hospital. It was very hard for me seeing them take her away. And she was angry with me for letting them take her. She wouldn't say goodbye. The next day she called crying and wanting to come home. It was so very sad. Out of all the attempts, this was the only time she was admitted for the 72 hour hold. Another time she cut her wrist with glass. It was mostly scratches, but she called a help line and off we went to the hospital. Another time she took a bunch of different pills. They weren't deadly, only made her very sick, so we didn't go to the hospital that time. The last attempt, she cut her wrist and needed 5 stitches. During this time there were two trips to the hospital for drinking. The first time she spent the night in juvenile hall, but never was charged with anything. The second time she spent the night in the hospital. Her body temperature was below normal, and her blood alcohol content was very high. This time she was charged with being a minor in possesion and for being drunk in public. She only got 6 months of informal probation. Savannah has been in counseling for about 2 years now. It has helped a lot. We started with one counselor and due to insurance problems changed to another and then had to change to another. This has been a pain. Insurance only covers about 20 visits a year. And most insurances only pay for %50 of the cost. Also when you meet your out of pocket costs, you still have to pay the %50 of cost for mental health visits. It is not fair. Anyway, Savannah sees her main counselor twice a week, her drug & alcohol counselor once a month, and the psychologist once a month. At times she gets frustrated with all the visits. All in all counseling is finally helping. There has been an improvement. The availability of help for teens is not very good. My daughter wanted to go into a facility for help. She called her counselor all upset, and she called me. We went to the hospital and they tried to find somewhere for her to go. Either they didn't have a bed, wouldn't take our insurance, or they wouldn't take a 14 year old. The only rehab places we can find that will take teens under 16 were way down south. That would be impossible for us. I wouldn't be able to be involved in the family group sessions that are a part of the treatment. Something needs to be done. Mental health issues need to be addressed. Better insurance coverage needs to be demanded. It should be the same as coverage for any disease. My daughter is on medication. She started with effexor, went to prozac and is now on celexa. I wasn't too thrilled with the idea of meds at first. I thought that wouldn't solve the problem, it would only mask the problem. But I now realize that there are chemical imbalances that can cause depression. That you don't just use medication alone. That meds combined with counseling can help a great deal. My daughter experienced bouts with self-mutilation and bulemia. It has been a long road, but things are looking better. My strength lies in God, my family and friends. They see me through. God is always there. During the hard times I think we become closer to God. We need Him all the time and He is always there, but we see that most in times of trouble. This has been hard on the whole family. My other daughter felt we were paying too much attention to the other daughter. She would get angry at all of us. It wasn't something she felt she should have to deal with. She didn't think it was fair that her sister would disrupt her life in such a way. And at the same time she was so worried about her. She was also scared. As for a marriage, this type a problem can ruin a marriage if you don't talk about it. Everyone has their own ways of dealing with stress. A lot of times we hold it all in. But you can't do that. It takes a lot of work, but these trying times can make your marriage a stronger one. Through this all my husband and I have learned more about each other and our daughters. In all situations there are good things. It may take us time to figure it out, but there are. As my pastor said you can't have miracles without the problems. Let's thank God for the problems. And I thank God for the miracle in the making. The past two months have been calmer. Problems, yes, but not as bad. Still sometimes when my phone rings at work, my heart jumps as I dread it being bad news yet again. Update: 4-5-00 I was concerned that my daughter had been drinking but she said she wasn't. Well, tonight I found out that she had been. I am so frustrated. The only rehab place we can find is in the Bay area and we are up by the Oregon border. Finacially we can not afford the weekly family meetings. If I can not get them to do that some other way, then my only other option is to call her probation officer and then she will be put into rehab through the court system. It is not what I want to do, but it is what I need to do. She needs help that I can not give her. The whole system drives me crazy. Please keep my family in your prayers as I try desperately to get my daughter the help she so badly needs. 4-14-00--Well we are still trying to find a rehab for my daughter. Her PO doesn't want to go through the courts unless there is absolutely nothing else we can do. It is really sad that there is nothing available. He told me that one girl has been sitting in juvenile hall for 3 months waiting to go into rehab. It is easier getting a place for a teen boy. I hope that this can change sometime so that all who need and want help can get it. 4-19-00 - One wonders when it will get better. I try to have faith, to be happy, but it seems so hard at times. My other daughter is now in crises with depression and suicidal thoughts. It is so hard for me to know why my kids are having these problems. It is hard not to blame myself. We are not a perfect family, but I always thought we were pretty good. I thought we were open with each other and had a lot of love for each other. I just want to know why this is happening. 4-23-00 - Hope you all had a blessed Easter. My family is all in counseling now. Through that and with a lot of help from the Lord, we will get through. It is still hard wondering why our family is in such turmoil. A person goes on thinking all is fine, that their family life is pretty darn good compared to others you've seen and then wham. It all hits you so hard, you don't know what to do. So I pray, and now go to counseling. Also I am part of a great online al-anon group called Key to Harmony. If you have an alcoholic in your family check out al-anon. If you don't want to go to regular meetings find an on line meeting. The messages you receive are really helpful. Anyway, we are doing fine and will get better. If you need prayer, please post it on my message board that is located on my page About God. I will pray for you. 4-30-00 - Hi everyone, I hope your weekend was nice. Here it was beautiful, thankfully the sun was shining so I was able to do some yard work and BBQ for dinner. Love it. We've all been going to our counseling. I like my individual couselor, but am not too sure about the family counselor, she says I have issues about things that I don't. It's not denial on my part. It's just she thinks I should have these issues. Oh well, I can deal with that!! 5-07-00 - Well all is going well with my girls. YEAH. Looks like my younger daughter will get to go on an adventure campout the end of June. She will get to do hiking, rock climbing, rafting etc. It is just her cup of tea! I am glad things are going well, and hope they continue to go that way. My older daughter wants to get back into home schooling. I am glad about that, as she is not doing well in public school. Too busy with all her friends, and just not interested in doing the work. She did fine when she was in home school before.. 5-18-00 - Well....So much for going good. My younger daughter had a bout of drinking again and is now under house arrest for at least two months.....ugh. She spent 3 days in juvenile hall, and I think it was harder on me then it was her. She was with a guy she met via the net when the police had come upon them. Beware of what your children do on the net. This guy was 20 and my daughter is 15. What a creep! 6-10-00--Hi all: My older daughter is getting ready to go to a 6 week program with our local college. It is called Upward Bound. She will do school work, but also camping, hiking, rafting, going to see a play and also going on a tour of four college/universities. It will be a lot of fun for her. My younger one has an opportunity to go on a 2 week outdoor adventure program. She didn't want to do it, but it looks like her counselors are going to require her to go, and since she is on probation she will have to do what they require. It will be nice for us to be kid free for a while-----peace at last!! 6-20-00 - Well we got Heather off on Sunday for Upward Bound. I think she will have a great time. Savannah on the other hand is in Juvenile Hall. She decided to leave the house and go party. Tomorrow we have to go to court and she will probably be in the hall for a good length of time. I know this needs to be done and yet I also feel so horrible. I was hoping that this would not happen. Through Al-Anon and counseling I know she has to be responsible for her own decisions, and I am not suppose to feel guilty. How can I not feel guilty. It is so hard to watch your child fall apart. Please pray for my family. 6-24-00 - Well we go to court again on Monday. Then hopefully we will find out what will happen, but we may not, and then we will go back to court on 7/7. What a pain this all is. At least we are able to visit Vannah in juvenile hall. We will see her again on Monday. 7-3-00 - Hi all, hope you have a great 4th. Well Vannah plead guilty to charges so we don't go back to court until the 10th. It looks like she will get drug court. It will be a years probation, checking in with the judge weekly, drug testing three times a week, community service, couseling and going back to public school. I dread the last!! But I am relieved and glad she will be back home. Heather is home for the holiday weekend and then back to Upward Bound tomorrow evening. She has been having a great time. 7-8-00 I wanted to explain a little about why I have done this web site. First I just wanted to be able to say that I had a web site. But then it was more to help myself and to help other people. I thought by sharing my story I could help someone else or through sharing with each other I could be helped too. I think it is therapy for someone to tell their story. It is not to get sympathy but to teach others and to help ourselves. I have told my story of my daughters and what I have gone through and am still going through. I hope that in some way, someone will be helped. If one person is helped at all by my site then it is worth it. We all have our stories. I have my stories of being a teen that are ugly stories, but I have dealt with my past and have gone on. Now my children are the important part of my life--it is what is now that matters---one day at a time they say---I am still trying to live by that. We go to court on Monday and Vannah should be coming home then. She will be on house arrest until the Drug Court starts the end of July. 7-10-00 Well it was a nice weekend for us and I hope you had a great one too. Heather is having a great time at Upward Bound, she went rafting on Saturday and rock climbing Sunday. We went to court today and came home with a long list of things Savannah has to do, but thank God she is finally home. It will be a long road before it is all done. 7-15-00 - Well, it's not good news. Vannah came home on Monday and got drunk on Thursday. I didn't want to have to call the police or her po, but we had to as she was out of control. She was breaking things in her room and trying to hurt herself. She did cut her finger smashing something made of glass. She ended up with 8 stitches. She is back in the hall again and we go to court on Tuesday, then there will be another court date for the sentencing. We were told she would probably be order into rehab, which is a group home, and she will have to wait for placement, and while she waits she will be in the hall. We are looking at our daughter being gone for at least a year and probably longer. I am so stressed by this all. I know that al anon teaches that you didn't cause this, you can not control it and you can't change it, but I still feel like I am to blame. I should have never let her go to her friends house. Will I ever learn. Thanks for listening. 7-28-00 - Hi all. I am not so stressed now. Feeling somewhat normal, if there is such a thing! Still one more court date on 8-7-00. That is when we will be told that she is going to have to go to rehab. We already know this, but they have to go through the fomalities. Vannah is doing as well as can be expected. At least we finally got them to let Heather visit. Heather will be home on Saturday--YEAH! She has really enjoyed her time in Upward Bound but will be glad to be home. On Sunday she will get to go visit her sister. She hasn't seen her all summer. It has also been great that the youth leader at our church is able to go visit Savannah, that really helps a lot. I want her to know that even during these hard times, and even when we mess up that God is there for us. Please check out my new page. It is a story my best friend wrote after the death of her husband. 8-7-00 - Well today we went to court for sentencing. Savannah has 8months and 11 days left on her sentence, as soon as space is available she will go to rehab. Poor Heather cried when she saw her sister in the chains that she has to wear to court. I really pray that rehab will help her. It scares me so much that she will be so far away that I won't be able to visit often. We will be lucky to be able to see her twice while she is gone. I will be writing lots of letters! It is hard knowing she will be out of my life for so long, in a strange city with people she doesn't know. What if she gets hurt or runs away, what if she hurts herself? So many worries. Thank you all for listening. 8-20-00 - Had a nice visit with Savannah today. She had an interview with a woman from the rehab. Looks like she will be headed south sometime this week. I am glad that she is finally going into rehab and I just try to leave it all in God's hands. He knows what will happen even when I am going crazy over everything! Have Savannah's stuff all packed. Had to take out anything red or blue due to gang problems. Don't know how things will work out as far as her braces go. Oh well, I need to stop worrying about all these things. Need to keep the serenity prayer in my head. I do believe that God is here with me and my family. Even when I worry and have my doubts. I am not perfect. 8-31-00 - Well everyone, Savannah has gone into Rehab. She left yesterday. It was one of those days where you are happy and sad. She didn't go to the place that interviewed her. They would not take her because she was not currently on meds. I guess it wasn't meant to be. She called us last night and had a good first impression of the place. I just keep praying that all goes well. I am hoping to go visit her the end of September or the beginning of October. 9-29-00 - Well just a quick note to let you know that we went to visit my daughter. We had a great visit with her. The place she is at is really nice and she is doing just great. I just keep praying that all stays well and that when she comes home she can stay clean. I appreciate everyones prayers. My Story---Page Two |
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