| Chapter Eighteen The next morning, I woke to bright sunlight streaming in through my bedroom windows. I knew from the angle of the sun that I had slept later than normal, but I couldn’t find the energy to care. My body was sore and stiff from a restless night of little sleep and I could already feel a raging headache starting at the base of my neck. I sighed heavily and rolled to my side so I could swing my legs over the edge of the bed. The baby moved in protest to the sudden change in position and I gently smoothed my hand over the mound of my belly, softly talking to the child within. Shortly, the baby settled back down and a smile crept across my face as I continued to talk to my child. “In a few short weeks, I will finally be able to hold you -- my child-- in my arms and I can barely wait. It’s the one thought that keeps me sane when worries bog me down,” I whispered, as I realized that the thought was even more comforting now, considering what had happened the night before with Kevin. Feeling the tension begin to spiral through me, I shut all thoughts of the previous night away and breathed deeply, concentrating on my baby and it’s well being. When I felt calm enough, I slid my pajama top over my head and reached for the bottle of cocoa butter on the nightstand and began to apply it to my skin. The smell and the familiarity of the action soothed the rest of my frayed nerves and I quickly finished getting dressed. I briefly considered staying in my room all day, but quickly nixed the idea. I wasn’t going to be made a prisoner in my own home for the next month. And, unfortunately for me, I had an unpleasant feeling that Kevin wouldn’t let a bedroom door stop him from seeking the answers he wanted to his unspoken questions. So with that in mind, I made my way downstairs. * * * * * * * * * * * * * Kevin quietly closed his bedroom door and sank to the floor, his wobbly knees too weak to hold his weight. A gruff sounding groan escaped from his throat and he squeezed his eyes shut. Not that it helped erase the image firmly planted in his mind. He had woke up early and dressed quickly, determined to have a private word with Cassie before the day officially got started. What started out with such innocence, quickly turned into one of the most erotic sights he’d ever seen. He had knocked softly on Cassie’s door and when he heard what he thought was a murmured reply; he had quietly opened the door. The first thing he noticed was that Cassie was speaking softly, her head lowered towards her belly. The words she spoke pulled at his heartstrings and caused a lump of emotion to form in his chest. Then his breath had stuck in his throat at the sight of Cassie removing her shirt. For one brief moment he had the wildest thought that she was removing it for him. That is until she had reached for a bottle of lotion on the nightstand. The rush of disappointment nearly crushed him. He knew he should have closed the door and walked away, but the sight of her strong supple back bare to the waist mesmerized him. He remembered running his hands over her, the feel of her soft skin beneath his fingers and he remembered the way she had arched into his hands. And he found himself wanting to experience it all again. But more than that, he found he wanted to see and feel the changes in her body that the baby had caused. He watched silently, feeling like the voyeur he was until she had moved to stand. Only then did he close the door and move away. A sound in the hallway brought him out of his reverie and he quickly stood to his feet. He forced himself to think of other things in a vain attempt to calm his emotions, but he knew that the sight of Cassie sitting on her bed with her back to him would always stay with him. * * * * * * * * * * * As the day progressed, my headache grew stronger. My body was filled with tension and it was obvious to those around me that I was keeping a sharp eye out for Kevin. I knew we needed to talk, but I wasn’t ready and I had no desire to get into a full-blown argument with him. “Cassie, why don’t you go put on your swimsuit and take a few laps?” Callie suggested when she came into the kitchen where I’d been hiding for the last half hour.I shook my head and began to give my reasons why I didn’t want to. But Callie, seeing right through me, interrupted. “He’s not here. He drove into town about an hour ago and the other guests are otherwise occupied. Go on,” she encouraged with a smile, which I gladly returned. “I think I will. Thanks sis,” I said as I stood and made my way up the stairs. A few moments later I was standing outside by the pool in my one-piece black maternity suit. I laid my towel on a lounge chair and dove into the deep end of the pool relishing the cool water caressing my warm body. I surfaced, took a deep breath and began to swim the length of the pool. As I swam, I concentrated on the muscles in my body, relaxing and contracting them and I felt some of the tension begin to seep out of me. I had been swimming leisurely for about forty-five minutes when I heard a chair scrape across the stone patio. When I reached the shallow end, I lowered my feet and turned to see who had joined me. “Hello Cassie.” His deep voice sent shivers dancing over my skin. “What are you doing here?” I asked, my voice breaking with nervousness. “I thought you went into town.” “I just got back and I saw you out here,” he said as he held out my towel, silently challenging me. Stiffening my spine, I stepped from the pool and crossed the space separating us. Before I could reach for the towel, he had it wrapped firmly around my body, rubbing vigorously to ward off the chill of the evening air. I wanted to move away; to snatch the towel from his hands and declare I could do it myself, but the warmth of his hands seeped through the thick terry cloth and into my body, holding me immobile. I closed my eyes and took a deep steadying breath as his hands neared my abdomen. Would my changed shape repulse him I wondered, as his hands skimmed over the swell of our child. Or would he be reverently understanding, intrigued even? A firm kick against my ribs brought me out of my thoughts and our eyes met and held as our baby moved against his hands.“My God,” he whispered reverently as he ran his hands more firmly over my tummy. “You’re pregnant. I mean… I know you’re pregnant. But somehow it didn’t seem really real until right now.” The look in his eyes took my breath away. Gone was the anger and hurt of the day before. Now I could only see awe, delight and love. While those things made me happy, they also made me sad because I knew none of those feelings were for me, but for our child. And a tiny part of me wanted him to feel those things about me and me alone. Even though I had known from the beginning that there was nothing between us, would never be anything between us but that one glorious night, somewhere along the way I had begun to wish for things to change. But his continued silence had shown me that nothing had changed, and even though he was finally standing before me, I couldn’t allow myself to get my hopes up. I had a child to worry about and I couldn’t waste time dwelling on something that would only lead to hurt, my hurt. “…We can make this work Cassie, just say yes.” His voice brought me back to the present and I focused on his face. I had no clue what he wanted me to say yes to, but I had the feeling I wasn’t going to like it much. “What?” I asked. “Marry me Cassie,” he repeated, his voice low and husky. Trapped by shock and a faint sense of interminable hope, I numbly shook my head. “Why?” I asked, squashing any premature elation until I heard his reasoning. “Because you’re pregnant with my child,” he stated firmly, as if nothing else mattered. And I realized that to him it didn’t. He was a responsible man, taking care of everyone, placing them under his wing. He was duty bound to offer even if he didn’t love me. He never had and I was stupid for even holding onto the slightest hope that he ever would. “No.” “No? What do you mean no?” He asked, his frustration with my answer sounding through his voice. “Because that’s not a good enough reason to marry someone,” I stated, holding tightly to my emotions. “I don’t want my child to be born a bastard. Is that a good enough reason?” He asked heatedly . “Oh come on Kevin. This isn’t the 1950’s. Things like having a child out of wedlock doesn’t hold the same stigma that it once did,” I said, feeling exasperated and uncomfortable with the small white lie I had just told. Maybe other people didn’t view it that way anymore, but I knew the way I had raised my sisters and it didn’t fit in with what I was saying now. Not that I looked upon my child as a bastard, but there was a part of me that felt I should be married before having a child. “You’re right, it doesn’t hold the same stigma the way it once did. But what are you going to tell our child the first time someone uses that word in front of him?” He asked, feeling supremely smug as he crossed his arms over his chest triumphantly. “I’ll tell him or her the truth and I’ll tell him that for one night I laid the responsible side of myself aside and took what I wanted and that I don’t regret one single minute.” The harsh lines of his face softened and his arms dropped to his sides. “If you don’t regret it, then why won’t you agree to marry me?” he asked, his voice going soft and husky again. I shook my head sadly. “Because duty isn’t enough to make a marriage work Kevin. And that’s all this is to you, duty. I won’t keep you out of our child’s life. I never intended to, but I won’t marry you or anyone else without love,” I said softly as I spun around and crossed the patio. I stopped and turned back to face him. “Please don’t ask me again,” I said before entering the house. CCC Index Chapter Nineteen Main Page |