| Chapter Nineteen The days that followed our conversation by the pool were peaceful for me, well as peaceful as they could be with Kevin in the house. Every time I turned around he was there. In the mornings, when I came down for breakfast I would find him at the kitchen table talking with my sisters or Frieda the cook. Lunch and dinner were repeats of breakfast. He’d be there talking and laughing, his gorgeous green eyes flashing with mirth, but underneath, his eyes held a message for me alone, telling me that he hadn’t given up. He never brought up the subject of marriage, but it was there between us, taunting me every time I took a chance to meet his eyes. On the occasions that I’d take a swim or a long walk, he would show up and invite himself to my company. Part of me didn’t mind. It was another opportunity to learn more about each other, our conversations were mostly about our childhoods and our families, but there was still a part of me that was wary, always afraid of that subject being brought to the surface again. And as hard as I fought my feelings for him I could feel them growing more and more each day. I hated myself for those feelings, knowing he’d never return them, but my self-hatred didn’t stop the more tender feelings from growing. On the day of my next doctor’s appointment, Kevin came to my room and knocked on the door. Expecting to see my sister, I pulled open the door and stopped. Trying to calm my racing pulse I gripped the door and took a deep breath. “Hi,” I said, amazed to hear how steady my voice was. “Good morning,” he returned and waited for me to invite him in. I wasn’t sure it was the smartest thing I could do. It was a new form of intimacy, for he’d never been in my room before. Not knowing what else to do, I stepped back and said, “Come in.” An awkward moment passed while I watched him look around my room. Before I could speak to ask why he had come he said, “I wanted to know if I could go with you to the doctor’s this afternoon?” I was stunned to say the least. Other than the night by the pool, we’d steered clear of anything to do with the baby. Helplessly I shrugged. “I guess so.” “Great,” he said with a smile. “I thought maybe afterwards we could get a bite to eat, maybe do a little shopping. I’d like to help with the baby’s things.” “Kevin, I told you I don’t need your money, I don’t even want it,” I saw his mouth begin to move and I held up my hand. “As far as to grabbing a bite to eat, I’d like that. But I don’t want you spending any money. Okay?” I could see he wanted to argue, but suddenly he seemed to relax. “Dinner it is,” he said and I realized I felt uncomfortable. He hadn’t agreed not to spend any money, but I found I just didn’t feel like arguing my point. “What time do we need to leave?” “My appointment is at two, so we’ll need to leave around one-thirty,” I answered. “Okay then. I’ll see you then.” He turned and walked out of my room and I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew nothing had been settled, but at least we were still on speaking terms. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Later that afternoon, we drove into town to see the doctor. I could tell Kevin was nervous and something inside of me softened towards him. Until that moment, I hadn’t really thought about how the baby would affect his life or his career. I also knew the longer we spent together, the more real the baby became to him. Like my sister had said, I’d had months to get used to the changes in my life, but Kevin had weeks to come to terms with the baby and all that having a child would mean. I reached out my hand and placed it over his. “It’s scary isn’t it?” He looked at my hand covering his and then at me before asking, “What’s scary?” “Parenthood,” I answered with a soft smile. “Oh yeah,” he said as he released a tension-filled breath. “Don’t worry about it so much. Everything will be okay. Before long we’ll both wonder why we ever felt this way,” I said as I patted his hand and withdrew. “You feel like this too?” he asked in awe. “If you mean scared, jittery, elated and wonderful all at the same time, then yeah I do.” He flashed a smile my way and then turned into the doctor’s parking lot. “Ready?” “Yeah. Today should just be routine. I don’t anticipate any problems,” I said as I lead the way inside. CCC Index Chapter Twenty Main Page |