Entry030602

03/06/02 - Give me your morning. I don’t wake up in the morning, at least five times a week I don’t. So if you want my morning your not going to get my waking up. Of course that doesn’t mean I don’t have a morning. I do. And, I like them, what little I know of them.
Especially sunny, warm mornings. It’s the end of winter right now, almost spring. At 6 a.m. it is still dark. By 7, the darkness has passed and it’s full fledged daytime. I usually take the office garbage out somewhere near 6 a.m. I have a cigarette in the moonlight. I pace a little. I’m out front where I don’t have to worry about the door locking behind me. It’s a short break, just a touch of freedom. 7 o’clock marks the end of my workday. Now I am free. That thought has an effect on me. I am released. These days, like I said, it is sunny and warm. Some winter mornings I experience icy cold. I have had to dig my car out of an
icy film. The sunny summer mornings can be blinding, makes for a scarry drive. On good days I will be feeling drowzy. I call these days good because it makes it easier for me to sleep when I’m drowzy. Some days I walk through the door and fall right into bed. But not all days are like this. Sometimes I’m keyed up from an overactive or stressful morning, or maybe it’s just my mind. Some days I have to relax, or wait, before falling asleep. And some days, the bad days, I can’t sleep at all. The topsey turvey life catches up with me. There’s nothing I can do about it but rest and enjoy a morning, a day time that I usually skip. The drowziness is there, but the sand man abandones me. I don’t have enough energy to do anything but contemplate on these bad days.

When I can get a good days sleep, I usually wake up in the afternoon. I’m not an easy waker. I need coffee, even waking in the afternoon I need coffee. I don’t usually have strong coffee though, most of the time weak or decaf. It’s the taste I crave more than the buzz. This is the reason I don’t work “normal people’s” hours. I can’t get up and get out. I can’t be bright eyed and bushy tailed. I need hours of waking up. I like to piddle around. I like to hem and haw. It may not be the most productive lifestyle, but it’s enjoyable. It could be like couch potatoing without the couch. I’m not sure. I struggle with schedules. I want them. But they elude me. My topsey turvey life helps me evade them.

I’ve not been real specific here. I don’t have much of a routine. And, I’m not good on the details. I could do better there. If this was to be part of a story I would need to show you that darkness before dawn. I would need to make you hear the sounds of the early birds, the 5:30 a.m. train and it’s uproar. I would make your nose scrunch as I described the odor when lifting the dumpster to toss in the trash bag. I don’t know how interesting all that really is. But, when I think of it, it must have bearing. I’ve noticed.