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| Dream A Little Dream ... |
07/31/02 - I’m depressed. There ... I’m over it. Someone recently commented on me. He said I liked to have fun. I mention a lot about adventures, but basically, I’m talking about fun. Yes, I like to have fun. I don’t think you have to know me long to know that. But I’m no airhead. I’m not into having fun non-stop. I have my priorities. I have more than my share of reality to deal with. That’s one reason I can appreciate the fun. I had a call from My Dad, He hadn’t heard from me for a while. I wonder why. I didn’t have any news. The moving project is not going too well. I haven’t had much luck in having people call me back. I submitted a couple of applications and never heard anything. But, I’m really trying hard not to worry about this. I got the feeling the timing wasn’t right, maybe those places weren’t right. My landlord is out of town. He hasn’t evicted me yet, so it’s not down to the crunch. But My Dad kept saying, over and over, “You have a problem, a big problem.” And then he said ... “No more fun. You have to put all your attention into this move. No more fun.” What fun is he talking about? I think I’d remember if I was having that much fun. But, I felt a funk coming on. I started to get a stomach ache. Pressure. My horoscope was a doozy for the 31st. It said that if I’d been feeling excessively tired lately, it may be stress that is piling up. Worry, anxiety and fear are huge drains on physical and emotional health. DUH! I have learned something in my old age. I’ve been through enough up’s and down’s. For me, I have to ride them out. Funny, there was this childish thought running through my head, something like well if My Dad said no more fun ... let’s do it. Fun, fun, fun till her daddy took the T-Bird away ... No, that’s exactly the moment that you fight the urge, ride it out. The stranger it feels, the more you have to let it go. And ... It’s going. I’m taking note of my feelings. And, I’m feeling better. The energy will catch up, I feel it. It’s not always what you’re told. It’s sometimes how it’s said. I think a little support and encouragement would have been more beneficial. Honesty can be great, but don’t be honest to a fault. Think first before you speak. I learned that one dealing with my kids. If you can’t say anything nice, maybe you should say nothing at all. But then again, funks can be useful too. I reminded myself that the control is all mine. Saturday night I was at the Pub. There was a really cool blues band playing. I was enjoying the music big time. They said they would be playing to 1 a.m. which made me very happy. But, around midnight most all the crowd left. A little while later one of the band members announced that it sure had cooled off in the Pub since most of the people had left. I took offense, I spoke out. I said THE PEOPLE are still here. He apologized and asked my name. He said from then to 1 a.m. it would now be Cathy’s private party. I got up and danced, alone. Well, if it’s my party, I’ll dance if I want to. That’s my kind of party anyway. I don’t do pity parties well. I’m fine. I’m really fine. |