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Dream A Little Dream ...

10/03/02 -  I’m a contradiction ... I feel like my life is quietly hectic and I seem to be feeling
happily sad. Though that’s a contradiction, that’s the way I feel. I’ve been busy
keeping busy. I’m not sure I need to be busy, but that’s the way it’s working out.
There’s a chance I’m trying to keep my mind off of things, a small chance. I feel
like I’m going through one of those periods where nothing’s going too right. It’s
like I wish I could have hid in bed all week. Wake me up when it’s over. I’m
starting to feel better now, not quite ready to venture out, but almost.

I even had a couple of days that verged on depression. Everything around me
seemed so wrong. All I saw was stuff I wanted to fix. Wasn’t anything going
right? How did all this happen? Is it ever going to work out? Future thoughts
started surfacing. What future? Yikes ... where was all this coming from? I think
it was something in the air. I decided not to buy into it. Gee ... this has been one
long week.

The Kid will be dropping out of school. I’m signing papers to allow this. Actually,
I requested it. He’s only a couple of months away from turning 18. This bothers
me big time. But, he should be a senior in high school, and he doesn’t even have
enough credits to qualify as a Sophmore. In other words, he didn’t finish his
Freshman year. I’ve been dealing with the school district for five years now.
Though it started as a struggle, eventually the district cooperated with me. But,
The Kid never did. They call it OCD. Oppositional Conduct Disorder. It hurts to
think about this. Mix OCD with anger management problems and you end up
with a pretty difficult to deal with kid. I try my best. He’s not been in trouble with
the law. We are able to communicate during the calm times.

Sometimes you just have to have faith. He’ll be all right. I’ll be all right. The
horrible winds we were experiencing have died down. Today was a beautiful
day. I’m going to get some plants and work in my garden this weekend. I’m going
to buy a lemon tree. Yeah, make lemonade ...