Joke's Of !WV-Flirts





You Know You're From West Virginia When .....

Your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
Your front porch collapses and four "dawgs git kilt."
You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.
You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.
You have a rag for a gas cap.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
A seven course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
One of your kids was conceived on a pool table.
You've even climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.
Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos".
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.


WV Top 40 Things You Would NEVER Hear A West Virginian Say

WV top 40..... The top 40 things you would NEVER hear a West Virginian say, no matter how much they've had to drink, no matter how far from West Virginia they've wandered and no matter how much the skunks are threatening...

40. Oh I just couldn't, hell, she's only sixteen.
 39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrestling's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who gives a crap who won the Civil War?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?
12. My fiancée Danni Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
9. Checkmate.
8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.
5. I don't have a favorite college team.
4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
3. You All.
2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
1. Nope, no more for me....I`m driving !!


The Hillbilly's Honeymoon

A hillbilly gets married and on his wedding night he calls his father to get some tips on what to do, since he had never been with a woman before. So he calls up his dad and asks him, "what do I do first?" His dad says, "take her clothes off and put her in bed." The hillbilly calls his dad 5 minutes later and says, "she's naked and in bed; what do I do now?" His dad says, "take your clothes off and get in bed." He calls back 5 minutes later and says, "I'm naked and in bed with her what do I do now?" His dad's patience is now running out so he says, "look son do I have to spell everything out? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees!" The hillbilly calls up 5 minutes later and says, "OK Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl what do I do now?"


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