"Why are you dragging me down here?!" Rodney complained two hours later as Zelenka dragged him down the hall towards the mess hall.
"It has been hours since you ate. I do not need Col. Sheppard knocking me silly for allowing you to go into coma!"
Rodney started to sputter in outrage at that and didn't notice John peeking his head out the door and give Zelenka a thumbs up.
"Come. You must eat or Dr. Beckett will be cross at me for inflicting you on him and his staff."
"Why you-" Rodney was cut off as he was shoved into the mess hall and the majority of the population of Atlantis popped out and screamed, "SURPRISE!"
Rodney's mouth dropped open and he stared in shock.
John walked over and threw a arm around his shoulders and lead him over to a couch the had been dragged into the room especially for the party. "Sit down. Get comfy! Enjoy your party Rod!"
"What- You- This- I- Er?" Rodney sputtered looking around as John half shoved him onto the couch.
"We're celebrating!"
"Aren't baby showers supposed to be at the end of a pregnancy like right before the brat is born?"
"It's not a baby shower. It's a....'We're Not Dead Yet And There's Going To Be A Baby So Lets All Get Drunk!' party." John explained cheerfully sitting down next to him.
Rodney scowled looking around at the party. He did not have a good feeling about this.
---
Half an hour later Rodney glared at everyone who game within eye shot of him. Since everyone was drunk off their asses it had none of its usual affect.
A very tipsy Laura Cadman came up and flopped down next to him. "Roddy! I'm, like, just, you know SO happy for you! A baby! Wow! That is just so cool! You and Major... Colonel.... Sheppard are gonna be parents! You're gonna be a mommy! Mommy McKay!" She giggled clearly cracking her self up.
"Mommy McKay?" John said snickering as he walked up to the and handed Rodney a cup of punch and sat down next to him on the side Cadman wasn't on.
Cadman smiled brightly around Rodney. "Hi Sir! Congratulations on you and Roddy having a baby! Wow that is so cool! Did I say that already? Because it is! Hey soon maybe everyone will be pairing off and having babies! Or maybe just single friend people like you guys will chose to have kids together...babies everywhere!"
John tried to suppress his grin as he saw the disbelieving turning into outraged look on Rodney's face. He looked back at Lt. Cadman. "Exactly how much have you had to drink tonight?"
"Mmm not that much. Just some of the moonshine stuff The Athosins make, some of that stuff we traded for on P69zy8, Umm something someone handed me that tasted like weed killer...."
John and Rodney gawked. "And you're still conscious?! Carson really needs to study you to find out what kind of life form you are!"
"Aww it's not that much...wait....there was that second or was it my third cup of the green stuff that tastes like chicken? That kinda messed me up! But that was just ages ago!"
"Uh the party has only been going on for half an hour..." John said hesitantly.
She blinked. "Really? Wow. I could have sworn it was longer...."
John rubbed his face then stood up grabbing her by the arm. "Rodney you stay here. I'm going to go find someone to watch her before she gets alcohol poisoning."
"Would that really be so bad?"
"RODNEY!" John snapped.
"What?!"
John sighed rolling his eyes. "Just stay here and stay out of trouble ok?"
"How the hell could I get in trouble sitting on a couch in the middle of the mess hall while you're gone for one minute?!"
"It's a gift."
Rodney shot him a look that would have sent a weaker man running. John just chuckled and dragged Lt. Cadman off.
---
Ten minutes later after John had handed Cadman off to a medic he heard a loud commotion coming from Rodney's direction. He sighed as he saw three Marines trying to hold Rodney back from throttling a giggling Zelenka.
"I was only gone ten minutes! What happened?!"
"Well Dr. Z decided to start singing and Dr. McKay....objected to his choice of song." Major Lorne explained from where he was trying to hang on to Rodney's arm. "Ooof! God he's stronger then he looks!" He wheezed when Rodney's got a hit in.
"Rodney? Rodney! RODNEY!" John snapped at his lover.
"Let me kill him John. Just a little? He reaaaaally deserves it this time!" Rodney growled still trying to get to the giggling Czech.
"What did he do to deserve physical rather then the normal verbal abuse?" John asked trying to distract and calm him down.
"Singing! He was singing!"
"...was it bad singing?"
"HE WAS SINGING BLAME CANADA!" Rodney bellowed making the whole room flinch. Kavanaugh actually dived for cover under a table.
"Blame Canada! Blame Canada! With all their beady little eyes! And flappin heads so full of lies! Blame Canada! Blame Canada! It seems that everythings gone wrong Since Canada came along! Blame Canada! Blame Canada! They're not even a real country anyway!" Zelenka more shouted then sang at Rodney.
"Radick! If you want to live to see tomorrow quit it!" John groaned.
"We don't really need him do we? I can kill him right?" Rodney growled still trying to get free from the Marines holding him back.
"No you can't kill Radick Rodney! We need him. Would somebody get him out of here already?!" John hissed at the crowd of people watching the confrontation with a combination of fear, amusement, and awe.
The group gave him looks that clearly stated they thought he was insane. "Commanding Officer here people! And I meant get Zelenka out of here! I'll handle Rodney!"
"'Handle Rodney'?! 'Handle Rodney'?! What the hell do you mean 'Handle Rodney'?!" Rodney yelled turning his ire on John.
A few Marians stepped up and quickly grabbed Zelenka pulling him away from Rodney to the other side of the room.
"Uh hey Rodney? The evil little Czech is gone now. You can relax now!"
Beckett leaned in towards Dr. Weird from where they were standing a way from John and Rodney but with a complete view of the insanity. "None of us are going to live though this next nine months."
Weir looked pained and nodded agree with him.
---
Two weeks later.
John flinched at the sound of Rodney throwing up again. Ok so Rodney was right up him getting stuck with symptoms earlier then woman normally got them.
He'd been throwing up every morning (mid morning, afternoon, late afternoon, night, middle of the night. God was Morning sickness a lousy name!) for days now.
Beckett was still trying to hold out hope that this would go something like a normal pregnancy and easy off within the next few months but Rodney insisted that he was going to die of starvation long before he hit the next few months.
John rolled out of bed, grabbed a powerbar from the night table and went into the bathroom. "Rodney? You doing ok?"
"Do I look ok to you?!" Rodney snapped glowering up at him from where he was clutching the Ancients version of a toilet like a drowning man clutching a life preserver. "God! I haven't thrown up like this since Kenny Sheffield got me drunk at Becky Kline's 16th Birthday party in highschool!"
"Is this something I should know about?"
Despite how he felt Rodney still managed to give John a 'You are so stupid you're lowering my IQ just being in the same room!' look. "He spiked the punch. He got everyone drunk."
John relaxed as he filled up a glass with water and handed it to Rodney wordlessly.
Rodney rinsed his mouth out then drank. "Thanks."
"Sure. Here eat this before you pass out before we can get to breakfast."
Rodney clutched at the counter and squeezed his eyes shut trying to avoid throwing up again. "Urk. No. No I can't eat that."
John frowned. "Rodney this can't go on like this. We're going to have to talk to Beckett about giving you something. If you can't eat you're just going to wind up in there anyway when you pass out from your blood sugar!"
"I know! I've been saying that for two weeks now! But does anyone listen to the genius?! No!"
"Well hurry up and get dressed genius. We're hitting the infirmary before breakfast or work."
Rodney scowled but started to get ready for the day.
---
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