Reader's Questions and Dr. Zoidberg's Answers 
2000 (Earth Date, Time-Travel Corrected)

Question: I keep hearing about herbal and natural remedies, what are these and do they work?
    -Bill

A: Natural cures come about when your doctor uses the word "naturally" to describe a treatment. For example, "Naturally, you'll want bypass surgery as soon as possible." You can be assured that if your doctor is half as qualified as yours truly, the cure will most certainly be worse than the disease. As a crustacean, I avoid herbal preparations. Anything that even smells like herb garlic butter sauce makes my blood run cold. Colder.

Q: What do you recommend for the flu?

A: Dr. Zoidberg's patent-pending Medicated Salt Tablets, which can be found here, are an excellent cure for my bank account. They might do something for the flu too, who knows, you might get lucky.

Q: I don't have any friends, what should I do?
    -Lonely

A: As an immensely popular crustacean around town, I have many suggestions to improve your social stature. Firstly, a nice pair of sandals can do wonders for your image. They say "casual" and "laid-back" while telling the world you mean business. I also suggest using shell polish at least twice a week to keep your shell shining its brightest. Keep a sharp ear on what others are saying and take every opportunity to invite yourself to any meeting, outing or buffet that they even casually mention. Persistence pays off, if at first others do not warm up to you, keep trying, making yourself a constant fixture in their lives until they think of you as their lovable parasite.