Telltale Signs of Impending Ex Parte', Divorce or Other Legal Actions and Strategy for Defense

A combination of 3 to 4 of the following signs should alert you to real problems in your relationship. You need to take pre-emptive defensive action if these things occur. The time honored adage of "An Ounce of Prevention is worth a Pound of Cure" holds true and could save you a lot of money and heartache.

Your first line of defense is to suggest marital counseling to lay out the issues on the table. During counseling, she may put out a laundry list of things she finds wrong with you, i.e., excuses she has to justify her actions leading to the impending legal action. This is important because being forewarned is forearmed. Most men do not like marital counseling because they believe they should try to solve their problems by themselves or at least try solving it first before getting help. Try to look at marital counseling as an information/intelligence gathering activity that may confirm or deny a potential legal threat to you. If she makes statements to the counselor like "he will never change" or if she declines going to counseling (extremely rare for a woman to decline) then you know something is up. On the other hand, if she takes personal responsibility for her behavior and acknowledges things need to change on her part then you probably have saved the relationship. You need to be prepared however, to make changes yourself. If you love someone, you don't continue to do things that they dislike, it goes both ways.

Bottom line here is that sometimes we make a mistake as to our own true needs in a mate. It is a two way street, both parties have got to be good for each other not just one, otherwise you are in a using relationship that will just suck you dry.

Your second line of defense is to suggest a separation for a period of time to give both of you time to sort out what the problems are and find out what you really want in the relationship. The intensity of her insistence of you moving out may give you some clues as to her intentions. This approach gives you some important cover and time to get an adequate place to stay and get a lawyer ASAP. It also more importantly removes her ability to use the Domestic Violence Act to Ex Parte' you from the residence and keeps you out of the witch trial of an Ex Parte' hearing where you are presumed guilty. Also, in terms of divorce her mutual agreement for you to move out cuts off the charge of desertion. Don't make the mistake of thinking and insisting she needs to move out if both of your names are on the lease or title of the house, remember she can simply charge you with Domestic Violence and have you removed from the house and she doesn't need proof. You are at a tactical disadvantage here, play it smart, yes it is unfair that you have to move out, however, by playing it smart you can at least blunt the upcoming attack. Immediately file for custody and Use & Possession of the house before she does otherwise you will be fighting a loosing battle. Until the laws change tightening up the rules of evidence this is the best you can do.

• Partner uses threat or implied threat, i.e. suggestion of divorce as an option to solve her problems with you or to force you to comply with her demands.
• Talks legal talk such as "if we get divorced I expect to be supported in the manner to which I am accustomed". This person has been talking to a lawyer.
• Makes statements like "it is not economically feasible to get divorced right now, we can't afford to live apart". You are being set up for divorce when you get a better job, start a second job or start doing overtime on a regular basis.
• Vilifies/trashes you to friends or directly to you through false accusations and blaming everything that doesn't go her way on you.
• Makes herself out to be the hapless victim of your behavior and dominance, and does not take responsibility for her own contribution to the souring of the relationship or her own negative actions.
• If she is one not to apologize for rude or abusive behavior toward you where she is clearly in the wrong or if you were to do the same thing to her and she would be offended. It is called a double standard in behavior holding you to a standard to which she is not willing to submit herself.
• If she consistently sweeps her wrong doings under the rug so to speak and does not apologize.
• Uses accusations as a means of a fishing expedition to see if you are actually doing the activity like "Are you sure you are not seeing another woman? " This is an indirect accusation. Tells/suggests to you how people cheat on each other in order to see your reaction like "You know hang up calls are used as signals between two people seeing each other on the side".
• When you bring her flowers or do something special out of the blue you are accused of covering up a guilty conscience to make up for something you have done wrong. If she does something like that at the time of presenting your gift make sure to take back the gift and tell her it was for someone special but it seems that I have made a mistake. She needs to apologize for her behavior, if the apology is not heart felt then you know something is up.
• Insists that you take an HIV test to satisfy her concerns that you are not infecting her. This is just another indirect accusation of adultery.
• She frequently recounts a version of events of some incident in the past that you know is not accurate to accuse you of something and then insists her version is correct and may even suggest that you have memory problems or need a psychologist. If you don't challenge the assertion she then holds your silence as an acceptance of her version of the events.
• Accuses you of being too harsh in discipline of the children when she herself does not bother to discipline at all or uses demeaning language/behavior to the children by calling them stupid; or cursing at them; yelling at them or shaming them by saying "I am so disappointed in your behavior".
• She frequently lies and then justifies her lying when caught by claiming she was afraid of you.