SAID Web Page - Sexual Allegations In Divorce
Common Mistakes Men Make/What Not to Do
- Show up at a hearing without a lawyer.
- Put nothing in writing, especially attempting to negotiate a separation or any other type of deal with the spouse. All writing must be done through your lawyer, otherwise, you will be accused of trying to control the other person. It will be used against you in court, sounds ridiculous but it is true. You will get repeated attempts from your spouse telling you to put something in writing, that is because she is trying to entrap you.
- The excuse of no money not to get a lawyer, use your credit cards, write a convenience check, get as many credit cards as you can.
- Getting money from your family members to support you, the money received by you can be argued by her attorney as income/support and entitle her to a share of it. If you must receive funds from a family member, sign a notarized legally binding promissory note to prove it is a loan and not support. The family member can always gift it to you at a later date, if they are so inclined.
- Operate under the belief that you are innocent until proven guilty. In the so called "Family Law" system you are guilty of all male stereotypes unless you prove otherwise.
- Working overtime or an extra job. Guess what, the court will not only figure your income based on your last three paystubs but also can make you work two jobs and overtime if you have set this precedent. So, if you know things are going bad stop working overtime and quit the extra jobs before the PL hearing. If you reduce hours afterwards, then the court will get you for voluntary impoverishment and still require you to pay. Losing your job afterwards falls in the same category.
- Your spouse doesn't work outside the home. Guess what, the court is not going to require her to get a job, the court will instead take more from you. If you know things are going bad or money is an issue in the relationship, maneuver her into getting a job.
- Not follow the rules laid out by the court or be ignorant of them.
- Believe that your ex-partner will be required the follow the same rules as you are.
- Allow yourself to be in the same room alone with the ex-partner, opening yourself up to further false accusations that you can not disprove. Remember you are guilty until proven innocent.
- Make comments in the heat of the moment and have them used against you in court, remember that the less you say, the less that can be held against you.
- Physically touch, poke, push or strike the ex-partner, i.e. assault and battery.
- Shout, yell or raise your voice or point your finger at the ex-partner, i.e. threatening.
- Fail to pay child support/maintenance before the end of the month and get your wages garnished.
- Getting a cheap room instead of getting an apartment, child support and alimony are not only based on your salary but also your expenses. Whether you pay alimony or not may be determined greatly by your inability to pay. If you have kids, even if you don't get custody, having a place for them to stay is extremely important and will determine future visitation such as overnight stays. This must be done before the PL hearing or at least have a signed lease.
- Staying with relatives instead of renting an apartment will be argued by her attorney that you receive support and therefore have a greater capacity to pay child support and alimony. Sign a standard lease stipulating a monthly amount. You will be required to show cancelled checks.
- Moving out of the house without the kids. Possession is 9/10ths of the law, if you move out without the kids your chances of shared custody or favorable terms becomes slim to none. Immediately file for custody of the kids, first come first serve.
- Move out and not file for divorce. Make sure you filing for divorce coincides with moving out otherwise you will be charged with desertion.
- Waiting for her to file for divorce first. File for divorce before she does, the filer/plaintiff controls the tempo of the proceedings. Don't allow your religious beliefs about divorce to influence your decisions, the court system is not concerned about your religious beliefs.
- Try to avoid getting the kids a lawyer, most Guardian Ad Litem favor the mother as the only viable single parent. This belief flies in the face of statistics showing that kids are actually better off with their dads. They also, for the most part believe that physical custody should be only with one parent, they oppose shared custody arrangements.
- Letting the custodial parent interfere with visitation by delaying or not letting you pick up the kids for any reason such as you owe her money, etc. Verbally "remind" her one time that you will call the police (301-279-8000) to enforce the court order. Never use the word "warn" this is interpreted by the Court as an implied threat. Make sure you have a copy of the court order any time you have the kids. Please note that the Police can only enforce a court order if there are specific times, dates or events. If they have to interpret, they may not intercede.
- Show a pattern of not seeing the kids on time or not at all. Yes, you are hurt terribly by what has happened, however, your kids are the innocent victims in her self centered behavior. See them every time you can, otherwise she may be able to use your absences as grounds to reduce your visitation rights and tell the kids that you don't love them. It's best for the kids to see you as often as possible, it lets them know that you have not abandoned them. At the PL hearing push for twice a week and every other weekend, your grounds for the request is the kids best interest.
- Making reference to the kids in terms of "me, my, etc. as in interest, fairness." Set the agenda in terms of the "What is in the Kids Best Interest".
- Trashing the ex-partner in front of the kids will only lower you to her level in the kid's eyes. It is best to say nothing at all. Be assured that she probably is repeatedly saying bad stuff about you to justify her actions. After about a year or so the kids will get tired of the trashing and start challenging her. You must prove with your actions and behavior that she is wrong. Talk with other dads in the same situation, you will find out that the one who does the trashing in the long run will lose the kid's love and respect. It's hard, but in the long run both you and the kids will be closer for it.
- Taking too long to send out Interrogatories and Documentation Requests. Due to the usual 6 month time schedule, it is imperative to get financial information and residence inventory before Discovery Cut Off. Your lawyer needs to be very aggressive in filing contempt orders if they are more than a week late or give insufficient documentation.
- Lawyers that assume too much in questioning. Questioning during hearings and depositions need to verify every assumption, such as a charge of locking a door for false imprisonment. Questions need to be asked such as did you see the door locked, how did he lock the door, was his body between you and the door when he locked it, did you try the door, how did you leave the room, get the exact details. Lying/Suggesting by omission of important details goes to the heart of the false accusations.
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