Saturday, December 6th, 2003 - Bible, Trees, and Chapstick

God laid it upon my heart tonight to go on a one-man retreat. I bundled up and covered as much of me as I possibly could; I may have looked something like the younger brother from A Christmas Story (the one who got his tongue stuck to the pole). I had no idea where I was going as I stepped outside and walked away from my dorm building. All I knew was that I needed to spend some quality time alone with God away from everything around me. As I walked, I found a trail leading into some woods, so I headed down it.

I climbed up a hill on this trail for awhile until I came to a clearing with a lookout point similar to Jesus Point back at good old Granddad's Bluff at home in La Crosse. It was cool to see quite a bit of the city, but I was looking for a place more solitary, more natural. I took another trail and then made my own trail here and there until I came to a nice spot where I laid face-down in the snow. All that I had there was my Bible and my chapstick; even though it was too dark to read the Bible, I still felt glad that I had brought it along for some reason.

Laying there, sprawled out, was a humbling experience as I prayed to God and confessed the faults of my heart as He revealed them to me. I was somewhat expecting some sort of great revelation, so I laid there praying until God showed me it. Instead came a soft voice: "I love you. Go, for I am with you." I didn't feel anything - no warm, cozy feeling came across my body or anything like that - but it was one of the most reassuring, comforting experiences that I have had. I couldn't feel most of my body as I struggled to stand up and start trying to find my way back.

I heard some other people running around and talking in the distance as I walked, so I asked God if He wanted me to go talk with them. All I heard was "Go, for I am with you" - that kept ringing in my head. I took that as a yes and prayed that God's Spirit would give me the words to say to show love to whomever I may run into. Again, I had a preconceived expectation: that God wanted me to witness to these people.

I ended up talking with them for a little while, just getting to know them, and then went sledding with them upon their invitation (that is what they were doing before). I was amused at the collection of plastic bags, broken cardboard boxes, and laundry baskets typical of college sledding materials. I haven't been sledding in a long time, and it was a great time. I learned where my new friends lived on campus and plan to stop by sometime this week.

The main thing that God taught me tonight was that I need to persevere and patiently work at things more. I have always been expecting big things to happen right away, and God is showing me that although sometimes it works that way, often great things come through a long process of working at it. I now realize that the Psalm 51age post describes not a change in itself but a beginning of a change. I am excited to see how much God continues to change me as I pray about and work towards a more pure heart and many other things, as well.

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