Pro-Monkey
Anti-Pubes 
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**please
take note that usage of “pubes” was not directed at anyone in
particular**
SATAN SAYS: Welcome to the NADIR BABY! WOOHOO
UPDATES
That's right kiddies, the Dark Prince himself has his own little niche on my webpage. I allowed this for a number of reasons, 1 he enjoys monkeys to a great extent, 2 even Satan gets bummed by pubes, and 3 I kinda lost my soul late Friday evening in a domino match against him. So I owed him, this is the deal we worked out, aside from that whole rotting in hell thing. I think he got the short end of the stick, I have editorial power over him, sure he can summon wraiths and the vast monstrosities of hell upon me, but the pen is mightier than the frothing beast right? Without further adieu, your antichrist, pure-evil-incarnate, your friend and mine Satan!
12/25
"Ok yeah this is the time of year when people gather around to make fun of me for starting this whole fortunate fall thing. You know what I'm talking about, and no its not my 'Oh face' its all about that rebellion I started in heaven what feels like three Tuesdays ago, it could be eons for all I know. My concept of time is shot to hell...hahahaha I made a funny. Anyway that's not the point, its about this time of year when people start spouting off about Jesus-this and Jesus-that, HA well let me tell you something missy; if it wasn't me and my persuasive-arse you people wouldn't have this damn holiday! HA so thank me for Christmas, it's my doing and you know it. The pube in your French fries, however, was not my doing it was Loki, he likes that sort of thing, I personally think its gross. Yes, back to my point, to properly thank me for Christmas I am accepting the following goods: home baked cookies (I like Snicker doodles), fruitbaskets, even a Playstation2 (those are harder than hell to get a hold of...ahHAHAHAHAHA!). Or perhaps just Jessica Alba, whatever you can manage babycakes."
This guy right here...yeah he is
mine too, it's a Lucifer:
12/8
"So anyway I was reminded by the time of year it is; finals are a wonderful creation of mine! I mean honestly, where-else can a self-respecting free-minded person be willfully confined for 2 to 3 hours while taking a test that will make or break them. On to my main thought for the day; so I set this whole Florida recount thing up, you know Chads, yeah those are mine. You ask me, "Satan, why?" Well come on people I ain't called the Prince of Darkness for nothing; its to accomplish one thing. This is where you jump in and say, "To usurp the power in America!" wrong, its to rob the people of Florida of all their Orange Juice... yes you heard me, Orange Juice, I can't seem to get enough of that nummy pulpy stuff!"
12/4
"I swear I am not, nor have ever possessed or am of any relation to the cast of Full House. Despite convincing arguments that I did in fact possess Uncle Jesse on the night of March 18th 1988, I was actually at a Backgammon game with the members of Cannibal Corpse"
"Personally I don't give a damn who wins the election, I own Gore's soul, Buchanan is a member of my dark army, Nader is a total fool, hell even people suffering the loss of all hope laugh at him. and well Bush sold his soul to me for a funnel a hose-clamp and about 6 feet of tubing... I wonder what he is planning?"
12/3
"If you don't get what you want kiddies you can always sell your soul to me, I mean you are either going to sell it to me or to Nintendo, you might as well get something good out of the deal right?"
Satan Says
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