by Elvichar
Not really a disclaimer - every one of these characters (except
Joxer and Xena) appears in Greek/ Roman myth or history
- so I'm just reclaiming them, not stealing them.
pairings - you name them.
Time : Part one - early on. Parts two, three, four, five
and six - some time later
These stories are separate but linked - Iolaus, Aphrodite, Cupid,
Hercules and Salmoneus appear in part one; Hercules, Autolycus
and Hermes are in part two; Joxer, Iolaus, Autolycus, Hercules
and Ares are featured in part three. I suppose if you have favourite
characters you could miss the parts that don't contain them -
just like the real thing.
Warning - don't expect historical accuracy. Oh, and there's
quite a bit of whining. Other than that I suppose there is a bit
of sex - not much - but enough.
Oh if you must - call it R.
Not to be taken too seriously.
There is a slight crossover element at one point but I'll leave
that to be discovered. If you know you know - if you don't it
doesn't matter.
Summary: gods are everywhere. That's all I'm saying.
Archive: As long as you let me know where and keep credit where
it's due
March 2000
part one
Iolaus sat on a rock and pondered.
After Deianeira's death, he had offered Hercules all the comfort he could muster but the demigod had refused his companionship and gone off without him.
And it was so boring here in Thebes. The same old faces the same old fucks.
He wasn't cut out for the quiet life. If Hercules had been here he could probably have managed it for the rest of his life - good old uncle Iolaus - but there seemed no point in sticking around without him.
Now the demigod had gone gods knows where
to try and find some kind of inner peace. Iolaus hoped he'd find
it quickly.
It was strange. When Deianeira had been alive he'd sometimes wished she wasn't there - but he'd never wanted it to end like this. This was too much.
Hercules had been gone for nearly six weeks and there had been no message from him. Iolaus made a decision. He was going - somewhere far away from here. Anywhere that didn't remind him of his best friend. The man he might never see again.
*******************
Hercules stared up at the tower. He thought back to the time when
he and Deianeira met - it didn't give him any comfort.
Why had he gone off alone? Why didn't he just stay and grieve while his friends offered words of hope?
He knew the answer. If he'd stayed not only would he have had too many reminders of his dead wife and children, but he'd have been constantly afraid for his best friend. Everyone who loved him seemed to die - he couldn't keep dragging other people into his family troubles
Then again he also knew in a way he was being selfish. His mortal family had been Iolaus family - he must have been grieving for Deianeira and the kids too.
He'd made a mistake leaving Iolaus behind. His friend had insisted on joining him and he'd said no. Now he had no one.
***********************
The inn was a dive. Its only saving grace was the price - he could
probably make a dinar last a month in this town.
Iolaus was tired after his journey. He'd
been walking all day and had come across bandits three times already.
Now he just wanted to sleep.
He shuffled upstairs and drowsily took off his vest and leather pants, placing them in a neat pile on a foot stool in the corner. Then he hauled himself on to the bed.
Within seconds he was asleep. Within minutes he was awake again as the foot stool crashed onto the floor and the air around it split into silver curtains. A tall dark figure appeared and cursed his own clumsiness.
The figure walked towards Iolaus and the blond peered through the darkness.
"Ares!" He said as the figure drew closer.
"Oh you recognise me this time then?" Ares replied with a grin.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Iolaus was confused, last time he'd seen Ares he was sort of bigger, more like a dragon than a man. Come to think of it he couldn't recall ever seeing Ares in human guise. How come he *did* recognise him?
"All the years we've known each other..." Ares trailed off.
"I'm sorry - I don't want to be rude to a god - but have we met somewhere?"
"You know my name. You know I'm a god - come on think harder."
Iolaus pushed his hair back from his forehead and sighed. Suddenly a glimmer of a vision came to him - Ares, him...ah...oh gods.
Ares put his head to one side "Yes it's all coming back to you now isn't it?"
Iolaus was a little shocked at what he remembered.
"As I recall," Ares said, as he placed himself on the bed, "We discovered quite a lot about each other the last time I, ahem, came."
Iolaus pulled the blanket over his chest and scrambled away from Ares.
"Look, I'm not quite sure what you're getting at, but I really don't want to find out any more," his voice came out far too high-pitched and hysterical for his liking.
Ares reached out and stroked Iolaus' cheek. "I think you do."
The blond whimpered as Ares hot hand brushed his flesh. He could almost see sparks flying from the god's fingers.
"Look, you're not really my type," Iolaus said as he jumped off the bed. His voice was till tense, but he'd managed to get it down to a reasonably masculine level.
The dark god chuckled to himself. Iolaus stood defiantly, and nakedly, before the god. Ares was still sitting on the blanket the blond had used to cover his modesty when the god first arrived And Iolaus' clothes lay scattered on the floor, where they'd fallen when Ares made his entrance.
"Ooh, dig that charm," Ares winked.
Iolaus paused for a second before looking downwards. He gulped and quickly lowered his hands towards his crotch.
"Will you relax, I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to do. I'm not my father, and frankly you wouldn't really be his type. You're no Leda, I'm definitely no swan," The god paused, "And anyway you're a little bit too craggy to appeal to Zeus," He added.
"There is no need to be insulting," Iolaus was beginning to flush *all* over, something that was not lost on the god.
"I like craggy," Ares stood up and gestured for Iolaus to return to the bed. "I'm not going to bite..." he said.
Iolaus felt a little calmer. For some reason he trusted Ares. He took a deep breath and sidled past the god, carefully trying not to brush against him.
"Good. Are you a little more comfortable now? Less jumpy?"
Iolaus nodded.
"Why are you here?"
"Oh I don't know, just thought you might be getting lonely without my baby brother around. Thought maybe I'd pop in to offer a helping hand."
Iolaus' eyes widened ever so slightly.
"Say, have you and Herc ever got round to actually doing it?"
"Excuse me?"
"No, I didn't think so. What's stopping you? After all it's just him and you now."
Iolaus said nothing. He gritted his teeth in annoyance. He'd never told anyone how he felt for his best friend, he wasn't going to let anything out now - even though it was obvious Ares knew everything. Every intimate secret.
"You know, it's not even as if Herc is a virgin in *that* way," Ares continued, "And he's had three weeks to grieve."
Iolaus could hold his tongue no longer.
"Of all the selfish, inconsiderate....I...."
Ares kneeled down by the blustering blond
and put his hand over his mouth, holding him tightly
towards him. Iolaus was shaking now, and had turned from his usual
gold tan colour to a far less attractive beetroot red.
"Come to papa," Ares said as he squeezed Iolaus ever harder. The blond stopped struggling and passed out. Ares immediately loosened his grip and Iolaus flopped backwards.
***************************
Salmoneus had been following him around
all day. He was really beginning to bug the demigod.
"You don't think enough about the money, if you had a dinar
for every monster you've saved and every damsel you've destroyed
imagine how rich you'd be right now."
Hercules stopped walking and swung around to face him.
"I think you might have got that a bit backwards," He turned around and continued his long, quick gait as Salmoneus bounded behind trying to keep up. Well, at least he was an amusing diversion.
Salmoneus paused. He'd been trying to keep Hercules' mind off his problems since he caught up with him the day before. He realised that playing the fool was one of the things he did best - it always helped distract people. But maybe it was time to talk seriously for once.
"So you feeling any better?" He ventured.
"All right... I suppose yo...uhh... win," he said.
*******************************
Hercules was sulking. He felt as though everything he'd taken for granted was being snatched away. After their discussion Hercules had decided to visit the nearest inn. He was on his twelfth tankard of ale and was planning to continue until everything felt better. Forty or fifty more cups should do it.
"So, Salmoneus," He almost spat the name out," I suppose you all had lots of fun in your little band?
Salmoneus was drinking apple juice. He thought it was best to stay sober in the circumstances.
"Look, I'm sorry - I thought you would have known - pretend I never mentioned it."
"It's too late - everything's changed - it's all gone bad."
Hercules rested his head on his arms.
"Oh, don't cry, you're Hercules - the strongest man in the world, what will people think."
Salmoneus looked around anxiously. People were already beginning to stare.
"Maybe I should book a room for the night, you could sleep on this - it'll all be better in the morning."
Hercules pouted. "Yes, all right," he got up, knocking over the stool he was sitting on. "Sorry everyone - I'll be fine - nothing to worry about - everything's great," The demigod started to giggle. Salmoneus started to push him towards the stairs, but the inn keeper blocked their path.
"Where are you going?"
"Oh - We need a room," Salmoneus explained, "My friend is a little worse for wear."
"Only one room and it's occupied - sorry."
"Can't we share?"
The inn keeper shrugged. "How much?"
*************
Iolaus eyelids flickered as he lay on his side. He was dreaming about the old days back in Thebes. He didn't hear the door open, but he woke up when he heard his name.
"Iolaus?"
Iolaus sat up suddenly, "Wha ...What?"
Hercules and Salmoneus stared at the sight in front of them. Sleeping on the bed next to Iolaus, naked and face down, was a very happy looking... Hercules?
The sleeping beauty opened his eyes, and blinked. He gently eased himself up and looked at the two intruders.
"Oops," Ares smiled a big lop-sided grin.
The real Hercules staggered forward a pace and pointed vaguely at his double, "What am I doing in bed with Iolaus?"
Iolaus jumped out of bed, before realising he was completely naked and jumping back under the blanket.
"Hello Herc, great to see you again, " Iolaus said nonchalantly.
Ares started to laugh. Hercules looked confused. Salmoneus stared back and forth with his mouth agape.
After a pregnant pause Salmoneus spoke, "All right - which one of you is Hercules?"
"I am," both Hercules said in unison.
Iolaus rolled his eyes.
Hercules, the genuine one, looked at the blond questioningly, "Am I me? or am I over there?"
"Is he drunk?"
Salmoneus nodded, "And I must be too."
Hercules sat down crossed legged on the floor and chewed his lip.
Iolaus sighed.
"Ares - this is your doing isn't it?"
The war god looked innocently back at Iolaus through Hercules' baby blue eyes.
A feminine giggle invaded the room and the air was split by a starry curtain of light as Aphrodite appeared in the corner of the room, closely followed by her son.
"Well boys - you've all got yourself into quite a mess haven't you?"
"'Dite - keep out of this," Ares glared at his sibling.
"My - Hercules you're twice the man you were."
"Very funny."
Cupid smiled mischievously. And tried to hide behind his mother - a tactic that worked fine when he was only three-feet tall, but just looked silly now he was fully grown.
"I've brought him here to apologise," Aphrodite explained.
"Why?" Ares asked, "This was all my doing."
"Beg to differ Ar, if you look very closely you'll find a little prick."
"What?" Ares spluttered.
"From an arrow Ares."
Salmoneus was overwhelmed. "Cupid, I've worshipped you all my life."
Cupid looked a little embarrassed and decided to ignore him. Salmoneus didn't notice.
Hercules was on the floor moaning.
Iolaus looked at him guiltily.
"It's my fault," he said, "I should have been stronger."
"Oh don't be silly hon," Aphrodite said, "It's very difficult to resist the god of war when he knows what he wants - especially as you've been love-struck too."
"I have?"
"'Fraid so."
"Why did he do it?" Ares asked angrily.
"He's been a little off ever since his little band thing, well, disbanded. I think he blames you Ares."
"Why?"
"Well partly because it's kind of...your fault."
"You can't have soldiers obsessed
with love - it's not right. I just took back my own men,"
Ares
stared at his sister and her son. The Sacred Band had fallen apart
when Ares had sent Alexander of Macedonia's army in for the kill.
Alexander was definitely one of Ares own. Sexy, vicious and cruel.
"They were mine,"Cupid folded his arms and opened his wings. aphrodite could seeing he was beginning to turn green so she thought she'd better diffuse the situation. She turned Ares into a rabbit and Cupid into tiny, fluffy duckling.
"There," she said, "That should hold for a couple of minutes. Now, Iolaus, sweety, what do you want me to do about Herc?"
"Do about him?"
Hercules had fallen asleep sometime during the last few minutes. Now he was curled up next to the door with his thumb in his mouth.
"There's a chance he won't remember any of this is the morning - but what are you going to do if he does? I could make him forget all this."
"No, don't do that - I think I owe him an explanation."
"Sure," Aphrodite looked at Salmoneus, "Hi hon, you're cute as a little baby bear aren't you."
"Me?" Salmoneus looked around.
"Yes you - wanna come for a ride?"
Salmoneus nodded enthusiastically.
"I'm having some friends around
do you mind?" Aphrodite winked, "There'll be something
for
everyone."
Aphrodite disappeared, and with her went Salmoneus, the rabbit and the duckling.
Iolaus and Hercules were alone in the room. The blond hero looked over at the demigod, who had shifted position and was now lying across the door like a draft excluder.
"Hercules?" Iolaus kneeled over his friend and shook his shoulder. Hercules opened his eyes and looked up "Morning Iolaus. I just had a really freaky dream."
"We'll talk in the morning all right?"
"Sure, whatever," Hercules stretched up and kissed Iolaus on the lips, "I'll just go back to sleep." He closed his eyes.
Iolaus went back to the bed and rolled over to one side. 'What just happened?', he thought.
After a few minutes he heard the floorboards creak as Hercules walked towards the bed. He looked up to see the demigod's face smiling goofily.
"Hey Iolaus - move over."
Hercules crawled in to bed next to a stunned Iolaus.
"No more secrets ok?"
"You mean you're all right with this?"
"Shh...don't speak." Iolaus didn't - it was difficult to speak when your best friend's tongue was half way down your throat. He pulled away.
"Not like this Herc - it's a little awkward don't you think?"
"Why d'you never tell me about the band thing?"
"Band thing?"
"In Thebes."
"Oh that. How did you find out about that - it's supposed to be a semi-secret?"
"Salmoneus."
"And now you're acting completely out of character - hey wait a minute - Ares?"
"No, why would I be Ares?"
"It's a long story."
"Iolaus - do you love me?"
"What? I think you should get some sleep."
"Only I've been doing some thinking lately and I've decided...we need each other."
"We do?"
"Yep."
Iolaus smiled. They could talk in the
morning. For now, well the night was young.