by Elvichar
Autolycus had persuaded Hercules to find Iolaus. He was feeling pretty proud of himself for all his noble actions lately. Definitely godlike - in a good way.
Now they'd found the blond the thief was wondering if he'd made the right move. For some reason Iolaus was absolutely convinced he was some sun god called Helios. Hercules didn't believe it, Autolycus said he did, but wasn't entirely sure - but Iolaus seemed sold on the idea.
When the thief and the demigod had found
Iolaus he was in the process of being seduced by Alexander of
Macedonia. And *that* nut had suddenly decided he was Dionysus.
/Delusional - all of them.// Autolycus thought, safe in the knowledge
of his elevated position as son of Hermes.
"So I guess if I wanted to I could make it night now. I could make the sun go down and come back up again." Iolaus said cheerfully.
"Why don't you try it?" Autolycus challenged.
"No - I think I'll save it for when I need it." Iolaus smiled.
Hercules said nothing. He was just happy to see Iolaus back, and willing to go along with his little fantasy for the time being.
"Shouldn't we be looking for Joxer?" Autolycus asked.
The pseudo-warrior had been spirited away by an angry Ares. It all happened so quickly. One minute he was there - the next he'd gone.
Alexander's camp was far below in the valley. Autolycus, Iolaus and Hercules paused briefly at the crest of the hill and looked down.
"We should do something to thwart Dionysus too," Hercules said.
"Been there done that - not worth it," Iolaus said. He was feeling really forgiving for some reason. All the hatred he'd been feeling lately was burned away. And now he had two of his favourite people by his side. He thought about that last thought and smiled to himself /Well what do you know - I actually like Autolycus.//
He slammed the thief on the back . Autolycus, not expecting the blow was flung forward by the force.
"Ow - what was that for?"
"Autolycus my friend - I'm just pleased to see you."
Autolycus looked at him with a worried frown.
"You are a seriously warped little man. Ya know that?"
Hercules smiled indulgently, "It's nice to see you two getting along at last."
"Whatever." A thought came to Autolycus suddenly. A thought that was so beneath him it was half way to Tartarus. "Hercules - have you ever considered the possibility of.." No, he couldn't say it.
"What Autolycus?"
"No, never mind, it was just a passing thought." One good thing about the big fella, he didn't push to make you talk.
"No I want to know." Or sometimes he did.
Iolaus saved the thief from blurting out something stupid. "Hey - yeah Joxer, we should save Joxer."
"You just caught up with the conversation Blondie?" Autolycus shook his head and smiled.
"Where did he go anyway."
"Ares took him for some reason - weren't you taking any notice?"
"No I was a little - er...distracted." Iolaus admitted. "To tell you the truth I'm still in a bit of a daze."
"Nothing new there then." Autolycus countered.
Hercules sighed. Maybe his two friends weren't getting along too well after all.
*******************
They had been on the road for nearly a day. Getting further and further away from Alexander's camp and no nearer Joxer.
"I don't think he really needs our help," Autolycus said." And it's not as if we can do anything against the god of war anyway."
"But I'm the.." Iolaus started.
"Yeah, yeah you're Helios the god of the sun, yadda yadda yadda. Drop it Iolaus - you're not a god. If you were a god you could..." Autolycus paused, trying to think of something, "You could turn that tree into a beautiful woman."
"Oh yeah. Watch me." Iolaus closed his eyes and made an elaborate hand gesture towards the tree.
"Wow that's really something." Autolycus said enthusiastically. Iolaus opened his eyes. The tree was still a tree - a very good looking tree but still primarily made of wood.
"Can we just rest now - you two are giving me a headache." Hercules was still not completely well. It was an unusual feeling for the demigod who'd rarely been sick in the past.
"Sure, we'll just snuggle close to this beautiful woman here," Autolycus hugged the tree." Oh baby - you're so hot." He said.
"All right - my powers obviously don't extend to making you a girlfriend - but that doesn't mean I'm not a god." Iolaus sat on the ground next to Hercules.
"I'm affronted - I don't need your help in getting women. I can have anyone I want." He looked at Hercules briefly and hoped Iolaus didn't notice the glance.
"Ah so you admit I'm a god."
"What - I said no such thing."
"Can you stop with the arguing?" Hercules practically wailed.
"Sorry Herc - got carried away." Iolaus smiled.
"Iolaus - you don't honestly believe all that Helios stuff do you? Just let it go." Hercules stretched out on the ground. He didn't care that there was no fire he didn't care that there were no blankets. He just wanted to sleep.
Iolaus jumped up. " Hey Autolycus - I think if we want to eat tonight it's up to us to catch. Looks like Herc's got other plans."
"Why me - I don't hunt?" Autolycus sounded offended.
"Just come with me." Iolaus insisted.
When they were a suitable distance away
from the sleeping demigod Iolaus suddenly stopped.
"All right Autolycus - what's been happening while I was
away?"
Autolycus looked down at the hunter. How did he know? Wait a minute - what did he know? It was probably best not to let too much slip.
"Happening? What do you mean happening?" He said innocently.
"He's exhausted - what's he been doing?"
"I don't know what you're talking about." Autolycus carried on walking , pushing through the undergrowth.
"Sure you don't."
Autolycus turned around." What's that supposed to mean?"
"We're not getting anywhere like this - why don't you just come clean."
"All right - I didn't mean to do it - it just happened - but it didn't mean anything, he loves you."
Iolaus looked stunned. "What?"
"Oops. I think I've said too much. I'll be back at camp if you need me." Autolycus started to walk back to the clearing.
"He... he... wi....with you?"
"Well I couldn't have said it better myself - I'll be going now."
"You will not."
Iolaus couldn't believe this - Hercules and Autolycus. How could they do this to him?
"Iolaus. I was scared, it was cold we were both a little bit needy. It was probably a one off."
"You sound disappointed."
"Yes well I suppose I am. But I very rarely get to keep what I steal."
Iolaus was actually starting to feel sorry for Autolycus. Well not sorry exactly.
"Autolycus - I..."
"Save it - I'm used to it. You see it's all in the challenge of the chase."
"Like hunting."
"Yeah I suppose so."
Quite unexpectantly Iolaus hugged the thief. Even more unexpectantly Autolycus hugged back.
"Hey your hair's tickling my chin." Autolycus said.
"Shut up and kiss me you idiot." Iolaus said.
So he did.