Why I came out:
When I got to college, I found that I was forced to deal with my sexuality finally. I had some pressure me from the outside, but internally I realized that it was time for me to figure out where I was going with my life and who I would be going there with. I had always know I was gay, but I just hadn't admited it to anyone. I can remember staring at boys back as early as 7th grade, and I have some other random memories from even before that time. Even with that, though, I always thought that I'd just find a girl somewhere along the way, marry her, and the live my life the way I was 'supposed to.' I ignored my true feelings, and even denied them when asked. I remember once in high school when my parents found some sites that I had been to on the Internet, and they asked me about them. I denied that I was gay and just kind-of let it all drop off. They never bothered me about, and I continued to ignore it. After my experience with my friend, which I wrote about in my about me section, I realized that things had to change. I had a good female friend at ND whom I had gotten pretty close to at that time. She was interested in me, and I saw it as my chance to get what I always wanted. I could just date her, see how it went and never have to deal with it again. It was then that I realized that that wasn't right. There was no way I could bring myself to do that to her. I cared about her too much to deceive her like that or to take advantage of her. She became one of my first people I told, and has since remained one of my best friends and allies. After telling her, I realized how much better I felt and I realized where I was heading. I had finally admited I was gay and I could start to deal with it. The process of dealing with my homosexuality was a long one and is still going on. My friends and most of my family all know that I am gay now, but there are still those awkward situations when I am unsure of what to say or do
One of the hardest parts of my coming out was dealing with my own stereotypes. I knew I was gay, but I didn't feel gay or associate myself with any of the gay people I knew. I had met a few gay guys during the early part of my freshman year, but to me it seemed that they were gay, and I was some sort of different thing. After a while, though, I came to realize that being gay is not something that is set in stone or something that forces you to be what you aren't. I think that that is one of the most common misconceptions. Coming out is supposed to help you be yourself, but people often fear that they will automatically be placed in a seperate group and always thought of that way. Unfortunately, in some cases and with some people, that may be true, but I found that most peopel accept you for who you are, whether you are gay or straight and most people really don't care that much. The biggest thing that I found that helped me was that I just needed to be myself. I wanted to be me, and that's what I had to do. It came down to me finally realizing that I could be Rick who happened to be gay, not just gay Rick. That may seem obvious, but if you've ever been in that situation, you know exactly what I mean. It's hard to find your own identity and coming out definitely forces you to do that.
The thing that I found that worked was for me to realize that being gay was as much or as little a part of my life as I made it. I didn't have to let it run my life, but I didn't have to be scared of it either. I know that I've said it before, but I just had to be myself. I live my life now how I always wanted to. I don't make a big deal about being gay, but I don't really hide it too much either. If someone who I feel comfortable with or who I think need to know asks me if I'm dating anyone, I simply will say yes, I have a boyfriend named Joe. I have found that the more comfortable with it that I was, the more comfortable others were. If I had doubts and seemed unsure, people would jump on that and start to question me, but if I had a calm sureness, then people just let it go. Sure some people my disagree with my realtionship, but that is their problem. I realized it wasn't my job to make other people happy at my expense. I had to tell them who I really was and if they had a problem with it, then maybe things weren't so good with us before. I decided that if someone was to stop talking to me because I'm gay, then maybe I didn't really want to be a part of them either.
This is one of the hardest to understand issues here on our campus. Obviously since Notre Dame is a Catholic school, it is hard to balance the school's teachings and morals with those of the gay students. Despite the improvements recently, the Catholic church still doesn't support homosexuality, and therefore the University doesn't really either. That fact in itself makes it even harder to come to temr with being gay as a student here. I've found that the students here are incredibly supportive though. Sure there are a few who believe that gay students shouldn't be allowed here, but you will find those anywhere. The Notre Dame student body as a whole, however, is very good about it all. There are often articles in our school paper written by our supporters, our allies, or even people that have no personal connection that speak out against the adminstration's actions and attitudes. Overall, there are just two different sides to gay life here. The University sponsered actions are generally supportive but they definitley do not try and make a huge effort. There is a university sponsored Committee on Gay and Lesbian Student Needs which works on dorm staff training, sponsers speakers, and works to make the University more welcoming, but except for in freshamn orientation, their influence is limited. There is however, a non-University sponsored club run by students for students. This club is called OUTreach ND, and we have a website which a good job of explaining why we exist and what we do.
Played my part, Kept you in the dark.
~Backstreet Boys