The Lone Shocker


The Shocker Journal

Cootie's Corner

The Lone Shocker Archives

Brian's Travels

The Anthology of Pass Out Pics

Brian Wonders...

Don't Believe Paddy Houlihan Kissed a Girl? Click Here.


Highly Advised: Jumping Over a Fire Naked

PLEASE Tell Me That this Is Real

Possibly the Most Addicting Game on the Interweb

Avoiding Homework? This Should Keep You Busy

Clearly True

Who's the Team Up At the Top?

Hilarious if You Understand It

I Wish I Knew How Many Euros This Is...It's the Ultimate Chair

One of the Most Violent Drinks Ever...Not Advised for the Weak of Heart...or Liver

Don't Have a Working NES? Try This

Does Anyone Else Remember How Awesome This Is?

I Guess in Some Places it's a Delicacy?

The FIRST Issue of Nintendo Power Magazine

Among the Hottest Female Olympiads in All Their Glory

I Would Make People Pay to TRY to Stop This

The Internet's Best


AZ Lyrics

News Filter

Campus Hook


Being Famous

College Humor

Addicting Games

"Whaddaya mean you gotta count it? There's over two hundred dollars in there! Oh, Candy, I'm sorry...I guess we're NOT in a America. I guess now I'm not ALLOWED to pay for sex with pennies!" - Carl Brutananadilewski

Brian English

A new school year is now in full-drive, and we are quickly approaching the end of Let's-Try-To-Stop-Feeling-Bad-About-Slavery Month. After a winter hiatus that was a bit longer than we had expected, we at The Lone Shocker are excited to begin our spring season of ignorance and indignation. With this new year came a new server, a new URL, new ideas, and most importantly, new updates. We have been working long and hard to think of some good, original ideas, and we think that we're ready to release the hounds of our literature out into the world.

Brian's Updates
I've decided for this spring season to update The Lone Shocker not only with greater frequency, but with greater content. The Shocker Journal is beginning its third year, the Brian Wonders section is growing by the day as I avoid paying attention in class by thinking about all of the nothing around me, and there are a few original works that are nearly ready to be released (to give you a clue, one of my newest updates is called "48: The Next Day"...I'll leave it to you to figure out who stars in this compelling story about the absurdity of everyday life).

To kick off this new year, I've added two new entries to the Shocker Journal that hopefully will help you either avoid paying attention in class, or will provide some small measure of entertainment in your otherwise boring school-dominated lifestyle.

Conor's Updates
One of our staff members at The Lone Shocker has finally taken that big step...has finally made that move that we all wait decades to make. On the special night of his 21st birthday, Conor got in touch with his younger, more primal roots and was fully engaged in the always-depicted-on-TV-but-never-seems-to-happen-in-real-life food fight. Conor's first update of the new year details the pitfalls of engaging in a real life Team Slayer fought with foodstuffs in cramped quarters. "Too close for missiles, I'm switching to guns," is replaced with "Too close for salsa, I'm switching to Nerds." Become captivated by the words and pictures of a night well-spent in the throes of food fighting debauchery.

Conor and I are also working on a collaborative piece...something like the Gospels of Cootie and Maestro, but this version will be purely fictional. Maybe we'll throw some non-fiction hooks in and make it an allegory, but maybe not. We'll just have to see how this one pans out.

Well Wishes
Ahh, it's good to be back. We're ready to start up let our minds wander freely and unobstructed the verdant fields of self-indulgence, to sail without guide the uncharted seas of the mundane, and to undertake the long journey of displaying complete disregard and apathy toward social norms.

The goodness starts today. Visit The Shocker Journal and Cootie's Corner to begin your reading experience. We hope you enjoy.

"Ok, to give you reference for where I am...hmm...well I'm looking at Venus...and I'm on a front porch...and I see a parked car over there." - Andrew Eastman_____________________"Don't look at me." - Brian English_____________________"That is the worst ultimatum of all time! You are Hitler! You are worse than Hitler!"- John Benoist, Jr._____________________"I'm REG! REGINALD FAIRFIELD!" - Timothy Torretta_____________________"Yo, Wodes." - Adam McNutt_______________________________________________________________"You know, sleep is a lot like masturbation...the more you hold off on it, the more you get from it." - Conor Ellinger_____________________"Oh, Reginald...I DISAGREE!" - Hilarious Delarious Gambarious