| Chapter 9 |
| The next night I woke with a strange feeling. I could not decide on whether it was a feeling of déjà vu or a premonition. The sky was as clear as I ever saw it, and the silvery light of the moon and stars graced the city. The notion that I had woken up in an other world would not leave my mind at peace. Dieter and Olivier where sitting in the living room, they where talking about Vaudan. They turned their heads as I entered the room. Olivier immediately looked away; he knew what I was. Though Dieter had told him that I was different then Vaudan, he feared me. Not so much that he would run from me but a more respectful kind of fear, like a wolf would respect the leader of his pack I am his superior, for I am more powerful then he. Dieter had no such fear, I entranced him, he desired me, and he knew how much I desired him. He was glad to be with me again and wanted to forget, or at least not talk about the fact that I had taken so long to accept my feelings for him. Some words need not be spoken to be heard. Dieter’s dark blue eyes looked at me; he smiled a bit nervously. “You knew Vaudan.” The statement was simple but it was a question as well. How did I know him? I did not feel like explaining exactly how things worked among the Nosferatu. “We where created by the same vampire, I have known him for some time, but we went our separate ways. I did not know he was in Vienna though.” This for now would have to do as an explanation. “Was he always like that?” Of course there where more questions, and in a way they had a right to know. “No he was not, but he went mad. The darkness of his own desires swallowed him.” dieter nodded, he understood. He understood what happened to Vaudan and that I did not want to talk about it. Olivier was still curious though. Vaudan had imprisoned him longer then Dieter had been. “Who was he, what was he like, why did he do the things he did?” Olivier’s fear had been conquered by the will to know his tormentor, to leave him in the past. He looked at me; his deep green eyes where large and pleading. I wanted to shake my head and turn away, but I could not. “Vaudan changed his name, he used to be called Jean. The name was too simple for his taste. Vaudan is derived from Gevaudan, an area in France where folklore has it some great beast roamed, some say it was a werewolf. Vaudan reasoned that in a way we are all beasts, but beasts only hunger for food and procreation. We are more complicated then beasts and therefor have more cravings. Most of us have enough food and simple procreation won'’ suffice anymore.” I paused, I looked at Olivier, he understood. It was now Dieter looking away, he did not want to hear this tale. “Vaudan saw as simple predators and mortals as prey, therefor we where superior, or so he said. So it seemed logical to him that we hunt the mortals for our own hunger, our own cravings, and not to fulfil their desires.” “But you do, fulfil the desires I mean.” I nodded at this in confirmation. “Why?” How could I explain to this boy something I myself barely understood? I thought of my Brood Master, the way he had explained it to me? “The world is about giving and taking amongst other things, if you only take you will never have enough and one day you will go mad because you will want more then there is to take. If you give and reap the fruits of what you give, you will grow and you will be happy. Give what it is you can give and accept the fruits of what you give.” Both boys where silent. “That is why I fulfil desires.” Silence kept on hovering in the room like and almost discernible entity. Soft tears broke the silence; Dieter slipped from the couch he was sitting on and move to Olivier who was sitting in a stuffed chair. “What is wrong?” Dieter was trying to comfort the crying boy. Of course boys where not supposed to cry, but this was a broken boy. “Vaudan said it was my desire to be hurt,” Olivier said with a voice that was choked with tears. “He lied.” His mind was open now and I knew what I said for a fact. “Then what is it?” Dieter said, he was anxious to help. He and Olivier had helped each other a lot; maybe that was the, main reason why they passed this ordeal with relatively few scars. I walked to a window and opened it; a soft breeze blew in bringing with it a strange rust-like scent that the night air sometimes carries. Like the scent of blood flows through the night air. “Come,” I beckoned him to the window. His eyes that where blurred by tears looked up at me, uncertain of what was going to happen. He got up and walked to the window. I laid my hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him to stand in front of the window. “Feel the breeze, feel the unlimited opportunities with its breath.” My hands left his shoulders and he stood alone gazing out into the silver-blue night, his mind riding on the breeze. His tears had stopped and I imagine he was smiling then. “Freedom that is what you desire, and Vaudan denied you that by making you his slave.” “Can we go out tonight?” I nodded in confirmation of his request. When we left the house the silver night darkened with a light autumn drizzle. I enjoyed it, it was refreshing. Dieter clung to me seeking refuge from the rain by pressing himself close to me, as if hiding in the folds of my coat. Olivier walked in front of us leading the way, enjoying his freedom. I caught myself smiling and a warm light feeling grew in my chest and I realized that for the first time in the last few years I really felt happy. The drizzle did not bother me, it felt good as my hair grew moist and now and then a trickle of water ran down my face washing away the past, and promising a new future. From someplace unknown I heard piano music, and it filled me wit joy. When we returned from the stroll in the autumn weather we sat in the living room again. Olivier soon fell asleep in the stuffed chair. Dieter lay with his head in my lap. He was not quite asleep but his eyelids grew heavy and he fell asleep soon thereafter. I watched the painting again and wondered what the artist had felt and thought while creating this work of art. The sky was turning lighter. A light gray appeared at the horizon. I got up and put a pillow beneath Dieter’s head. Then I went to my bed, to sleep in the dark room. The following night I took the boys out to the coffeehouse where I had met Johan. The place still looked the same. The newspapers had different headlines of course, but these did not interest me. Once more the rich atmosphere of the establishment absorbed me. Johan had told Dieter about this place. To Olivier on the other hand this place was completely new and he looked about relishing the essence of the coffeehouse. He enjoyed it the same way I did. The rich aroma of coffee filled the air, this scent reminded me of Johan. I recalled the way we met, his looks, his scent. Dieter was sitting next to me. He scanned the coffeehouse for something, a phantom of Johan perhaps, a glimpse from the past? If he was looking for such a thing, there was none. I decided to start a conversation about nothing of importance to stop us from just gazing around. I can’t recall the conversation anymore. That night though, just before we left I glimpsed a figure that I recognized but it was gone too fast to be sure. It haunted my mind as we returned home. Who was this shadow from the past? Certainly it was not Vaudan, he was dead. I tried to forget and went to bed early. Dieter lay beside me and Olivier slept in the guestroom. Both where asleep quite fast. My mind wondered on. What dark shadow had followed me this time? Dieter turned and lay against me wrapping one arm around me and burying his face in my chest. The scent of the coffeehouse still clung to his hair and his skin was soft and warm. This soothed my mind and finally I feel asleep, smiling. |