| Chapter 10 |
| The next night I woke with a strange feeling. I could not decide whether it was a feeling of déjà vu or a premonition. The sky was as clear as never before and the silvery light of the moon and stars graced the city. The notion that I had woken in another world would not leave my mind at peace. Dieter and Olivier where sitting in the living room. They where talking about Vaudan. They turned their heads as I entered. Olivier looked away, he already knew what I am, and though Dieter had told him that I am different then Vaudan he feared me. Not so much that he would run from me, but a more respectful fear. I was his superior because I was more powerful then him, or so he reasoned. Dieter had no such fear, I entranced him, and he desired me. He was glad to be with me again and had forgotten or did not want to talk about the fact it had taken so long for me to accept my feelings for him. Some words need not be spoken to be heard. Dieter’s dark blue eyes looked at me. He smiled a bit nervously and said: “you knew Vaudan.” The statement was simple and true, but it implied a question. How did I know him? I did not feel like explaining exactly how things worked among the Nosferatu. “We where created by the same Nosferatu, I have known him for some time, but we went our separate ways. I did not know he was in Vienna though.” This for now had to do as an explanation of things. “Was he always like that?” Naturally there where more questions, and in a way they had a right to know. “No he was not, but he went mad. The darkness of his own desires swallowed him.” Dieter nodded, he understood what I had said. He understood what happened to Vaudan and that I did not want to talk about it. Olivier was still curious. Without doubt he hat been imprisoned longer by Vaudan then Dieter had been. “Who was he? What was he like? Why did he do the things he did?” The yearning to know his tormentor had conquered Olivier’s fear. With this knowledge he could bury Vaudan in the passed and stop him from haunting his future. He looked at me, his deep green eyes large and pleading. I wanted to shake my head and turn away, but I could not. “Vaudan changed his name. He used to be called Jean, and he was from France. The name Jean was too simple for his taste. So he changed it to Vaudan. Vaudan is derived from Gevaudan, and area in France where legend says a great beast roamed. Some say this beast was a werewolf. Vaudan reasoned that in a way we are all beasts. Beasts only hunger for food and procreation. We are more complicated the beasts and therefor have more cravings. Vaudan had enough food, and simple breeding did not suffice anymore.” I paused and Olivier nodded in understanding. It was now Dieter who looked away. He understood like Olivier but he did not want to look at me as I told this grim tale. “Vaudan said that we are predators and that mortals are prey, therefor we are superior. So it was logical for him to hunt mortals for his own cravings and not fulfill their desires.” “But you do, fulfill desires I mean.” I nodded at Olivier in confirmation. “Why?” How could I explain something to this boy that I did not fully understand myself? I thought of my brood-master and the way he had explained it to me. “There is a balance in the world that makes sure that you will receive that which you bestow upon others. If you only wish to receive then one day you will find that is noting more to have and you will go mad because you will want more then there is to take. If you give and accept the fruits of what you have given you will grow to be a fortunate man.” The boys where silent and a bit puzzled. “If life is a tree and you pluck the fruits of that tree there will be nothing left to take. If you take some fruits and plant the seeds of others, you will have more trees and more fruits. That is why I fulfill desires.” Soft tears broke the silence. Dieter slipped of his couch and moved to Olivier who was sitting in a stuffed chair. “What is wrong?” Dieter was trying to comfort the crying boy. In those days boys where no supposed to cry, but this was a broken boy. “Vaudan said it was my desire to be hurt.” Olivier’s voice was choked with tears. “He lied” I replied. Olivier’s mind was now open to me and I knew this for a fact. “Then what is it?” Dieter asked, anxious to help. He and Olivier helped each other a lot; maybe this was the main reason why they passed this ordeal with relatively few scars. I walked to a window and opened it. A soft breeze caressed my face bringing with it that strange rust-like scent that the night air sometimes has. Like the scent of blood flows through the cool night air. “Come” I beckoned Olivier to the window. His eyes that where blurred by tears looked up at me, uncertain of what was going to happen. He got up and walked to the window. I put my hands on his shoulders and gently pushed him towards the window. When I stood in front of the window I said: “Feel the breeze, feel the unlimited opportunities within its breath.” My hands left his shoulders and he stood alone gazing out into the silver-blue night, his minds riding on the breeze. His tears stopped and it seemed like he was in a trance. Far away I heard the faint ephemeral sound of piano music. “Freedom, that is you greatest desire. Vaudan denied you that. “Can we go out tonight?” I smiled, how could I refuse fulfilling Olivier’s desire? When we were outside the silver night turned darker with a light summer drizzle. I enjoyed it, it was refreshing. Dieter clung to me as if hiding from the rain by pressing himself close to me, as if hiding in the folds of my coat. Olivier on the other hand enjoyed the drizzle as if it where liberating him from the past. I caught myself smiling and a warm light feeling grew in my chest and I realized that for the first time in a long time I felt happy again. The drizzle kept on falling. It felt good as my hair grew moist and now and then a trickle of water ran down my face, washing away the pas promising a new future. From some place unknown I heard piano music and it filled me with joy. When we returned from our walk in the summer drizzle we sat in the living room again. Olivier was asleep in the stuffed chair. Dieter lay with his head in my lap. He was not quite asleep yet but his eyelids grew heavy and he would fall asleep soon. The painting caught my eye again and I wondered what the artist had felt and thought while creating this painting. The night sky was turning lighter. A light gray appeared at the horizon. I got up and put a pillow beneath Dieter’s head and went to my bedroom to sleep in the dark. The next night I took the boys out to the coffeehouse where I had met Johan. The place still looked the same. The newspapers had different headlines; the murder of Empress Elisabeth was common knowledge. I paid little attention to it. I was once more absorbed by the rich atmosphere of the establishment. Dieter had been told about this place, he had heard it from Johan. To Olivier this place was completely new. He looked about relishing the essence of the place. He enjoyed it like I did. The rich aroma of coffee filled the air. This scent reminded me of Johan. I recalled the way I met him. I recalled his looks, his scent. Dieter sat next to me now. He scanned the coffeehouse for something. Was he seeking a phantom of Johan perhaps, a glimpse from the past? There was none and I decided to start a conversation about nothing of importance. I cannot recall the conversation anymore. That night I did catch a glimpse of a figure that I vaguely recognized, but it was gone to fast for to be sure. It haunted my mind as we returned home. Who was this shadow from the past? Certainly not Vaudan, he is dead. I tried to forget about it and went to bed early. Dieter lay beside me and Olivier slept in the guestroom, both where asleep quite fast. My mind however wondered on. What dark shadow had followed me this time? Dieter turned and now lay against me wrapping on arm around me and burying his face in my chest. The scent of the drizzle still clung to his hair and his skin was soft and warm. This soothed my mind and I fell asleep smiling. |