Mood swings: The ups and downs are infrequent and might last for a couple days before normalizing.
The persistent physical pain causes a lot of frustration
and made me feel very angry most of the time and I would hold resentments against others who did not understand what I was going through. Thanks GOD for P.A.A. and other understanding people who made it off of BZD's ahead of me in recovery. Without them I would have been back on the pills for sure. I owe my life to P.A.A. and the 12 steps and God.
Thoughts of dying were on my mind occasionally but those who went through this same pain assured me I would not die or go crazy and that it was just withdrawals causing me to think this way. They were right, it was this BZD residue still in my brain still coming out slowly that was to blame.
I wanted to take a pill to kill the pain many times but never did. I prayed and always begged God for the strength and help and kept my fellow sufferers in P.A.A. in mind and knew if they could do it then so could I. It worked for me.
There were a couple episodes when the head was tight along with jaw and facial numbness and blurred vision and a feeling of lightheadedness and a weird spaced out feeling came like I did not know who I am or why I am here, but it passes in a little while and though scary it is not dangerous.
A lot of symptoms that some of us get are scary but they almost always seem to pass no matter when they happen. It is difficult to write down a lot of the experiences that have happened to me and to others I sponsor and hear their experiences almost daily. I really could write a book.
You can find out as you go through them by e-mailing me at
BILLHERMANSKI@msn.com
or by talking by phone or at P.A.A. meetings to others coming off BZD's.
Some people have it worse than others and what I went through I can only describe as terror, unbelievable at times. But it gets better as long as we hang in there.
After going through most of my weird physical pain, every now and then I would get that numbness sensation in most parts of the body, not painful but uncomfortable, especially in the hands, one arm at a time, legs, a lot of it in the face and head. This happened off and on even months later on in recovery, and in the first year.
Those of us who stuck with P.A.A. and fought off our addiction to pills and accepted all that pain in withdrawals are greatful today for going through it and as for me, I am a happy person as I get through each 24 hour day. It is a peaceful way to live for me and P.A.A. and God and 12 steps saved my life. I will never forget that as long as I live drug free. I am no longer addicted to doctors who gave me ongoing refill prescriptions as well.
They told me this pain will get better and not last forever and these drugs would leave the system. I also thought of the millions of people who are still hooked on these terrible tranquilizers and have not found us yet.
It takes courage, a lot of guts to come off benzodiazepines. I think it is the worst drug known to man today because it stays in the body so long due to the halflife after quitting the pills. It took many of us a long time to get this way and it will take a while for the nerve tissue and transmitters to re-regulate. It makes sense to get off all drugs and accept this temporary pain so as to be free of all drugs that can twist and scramble our brains so much. We need the courage to start living again.
Getting off Benzodiazepines and other similar drugs and knowing that you are not permanently defective is the first step. After the pain leaves us, it is like an elephant getting off the top of our shoulders though some may refer to it as a monkey on your back.
Please feel free to e-mail me at the above address as I would be happy to freely be of assistance.
