Ex-Pagan 4 Christ

It was May 1999 when I finally got my introduction to a coven of real-life pagans! I was desperately excited before meeting them, trying on half-a-dozen outfits before going, hoping they would like me too. Their High Priest, Asmodeus, arranged to meet me in a quiet bar in the evening.

When I got to the bar I immediately spotted Asmodeus by the large pentagram he was wearing. His High Priestess was with him. They were both mid-thirties and handsome, and looked very successful people. When I saw down with them I thought I could feel the power coming off them in waves. Asmodeus introduced me to his High Priestess, Morgan, and explained that they ran the coven between them. They had twelve members, including themselves, and wanted one more member to make up a traditional thirteen-member coven.

They explained that they were traditional pagans following the beliefs handed down through generations of Asmodeus' family (this is a common claim among pagans). They worshipped the horned god and the earth goddess (usually represented as a naked, pregnant woman, feminism only goes so far) and that all coveners were witches (worked magic). They were not Wiccans, and so did not bind themselves into only doing "good" spells - they talked a great deal about a balance between good and not-so-good and about the need for protection spells and counter magic to prevent others doing harm. They implied to me that they only used their magic against evil witches who tried to hurt other people. They also told me that once you take the first step into paganism, this is a lifelong step. This was pretty familiar to me from pagan books, and the notion that once you become a pagan or witch you can never leave is often used to prevent people leaving this Satanic deception. Jesus Christ has the power to break Satan's chains!

Asmodeus asked me questions about my beliefs, what I had read about paganism, and if I knew any other pagans. Finding out that I knew very little and knew no other pagans, he looked pleased, and asked me what my family's religious background was. I told him they were a mixture of liberal protestants and devout Catholics but that I hadn't seen them for a while. He explained that some people with very religious families had problems with them when they became pagan. I later found out that the coven were afraid of Bible-believing Christians, as their prayers could draw a witch out of the darkness and spoil their spells.

They seemed pleased with me, and rang me later in the week to tell me I had been accepted as a trainee in the Coven of the Black Star. The first meeting, where I would take an oath and be formally accepted as an initiate, soon followed.

The next week, I went along to a warehouse in South London where the coven held its circles. It was a bit creepy outside but Asmodeus found me quickly and took me inside, explaining that they used the warehouse to make sure they had privacy and so that Christian fundamentalists wouldn't try to harm them. On that theme, that day's circle would, as well as initiating me, commemorate the pagan "martyrs" killed by Christians. Pagans love to feel that they are poor persecuted innocents, inheritors of the "burning times", victims of a holocaust. They use this stance to stop many Christians opposing them and some - including myself once - treasure this image of persecuted innocence even while knowing themselves guilty of disgusting crimes.

Asmodeus explained that as I came from a Christian background I would have to recite the Lord's Prayer backwards to sever myself from the negative influences. I thought this was a bit weird but I wasn't a Christian and so agreed. They also explained that as they were traditional pagans, they held their circles 'skyclad' or naked.

So I stripped off and was blindfolded, and led into the circle. They levelled a dagger to my chest and threatened me with all manner of horrible deaths if I told anyone the secrets of the coven. Now that I am protected by One greater than myself I can break those bonds of fear and violence and so bring you this expose. The High Priestess required me to swear to secrecy and to declare myself for paganism, giving me a new name - Greymalkin - to commemorate this. I then recited the Lord's Prayer backwards to eternally separate myself from God - untrue of course, but I did not realise this until later. I was bound by feet, wrists and neck and then whipped to "purify" me. I had been told this was absolutely vital and made no demur.

Now purified, I swore to always be true to witchcraft and the pagan gods and received the infamous, perverse kiss of blessing. This involved Morgan kissing my feet, knees, groin, breasts and lips in a disgusting perversion of the holy kiss that Christians give - Satan loves to imitate Christianity. I was consecrated to the craft with oil, wine, water, fire and kisses. My own blood was taken from me by a pinprick in my thumb, and collected in a ceremonial cup. My blindfold was removed so I could greet (with a kiss) the other members of the coven and be welcomed in the name of Cernunnos and Aradia. Meanwhile the cup was filled with wine, blessed, and all drank of it to signify my membership of the circle.

I was now an official pagan! I was delighted to honour the memories of those I was told were nature-worshipping pagans killed by evil Christians during the "burning times" and to worship these two new gods who, I was told, were so much more benevolent and loving than the God of the Christians.

I was instructed by Morgan and Asmodeus, sometimes alone, sometimes with the other coveners, for several months after that. I learned how to cast protection, peace and healing spells, herb and stone lore, and lots of old folk beliefs. I believed paganism was a wonderful, peaceful religion which only worshipped nature, and got into a number of arguments with Bible-believers when they tried to show me its evil. I had to learn that the hard way.

After several months in the coven I realised that there were some other circles I was not invited to. I was told that these were for higher initiates and I would get to go to them in time. I was being slowly prepared to join the darker side of paganism, but they wanted to be sure of me first. They knew that simply taking part in the "benign" paganism rots the soul, preparing it for service with Satan, and were waiting until I was at a stage where I could be encouraged to do evil. That time came fast.