Title:- Inizi Sopra Authors' name:- Cat E-mail:- Please note the new e-mail. The old address still works, but soon you'll be talking to a nice woman named Jean, not me. So I'm phasing this new one in Naughty_cat@lycos.co.uk Disclaimer:- Would B/A be separate if I owned them? No, I don't think so. Distribution:- http://www.oocities.org/fallenangel0206/CatsFanfic.html If you want it, just ask Spoilers:- Season 6 Buffy, season 3 Angel. Rating:- PG13 Parings:- B/A Summary:- OK, so after the end of season 3 I wanted to write a fic but I had too much on, seeing how season 4 is progressing this fic just begged to be written. So I did. And for this fic, Connor is still 16, like he was in season 3. Feedback:- Please. It's like chicken soup for the muse. Authors Notes 1:- Inizi Sopra means start over, which is what I'm doing really. AN2:- This was supposed to be a fun, fluffy fic to help my mews out of her rut. It was fun and fluffy in my head but as I wrote it, it became much more angsty and a lot more Connor centric. Don't ask me why, the character just spoke to me, telling me how he wanted to act. So, this is it. Thanks for your time, hope you enjoy. ************************ Chapter 1 Buffy lay in bed, awake as usual. Her alarm clock blinking 3:14 AM at her. She was beginning to hate that clock. Turning away from the awful reminder, she pulled the covers up higher and tried to sleep. Things were so different now. Willow was off in England getting over her 'destroy the world' kick. As was Giles. Tara was gone. Suddenly the Scooby gang, the one that had once seemed so large and secure was three people. Buffy, Dawn and Xander. It wasn't that she didn't love Dawn and Xander, they just weren't enough. Not enough to feel safe and loved and that someone would always be there. Her Mom dying had been hard, but they had all been there for her, her rocks, her safety net and her lighthouse in the abyss of responsibility. She didn't need them quite as much as she had then, and nowhere near as much as she had after they brought her back from the dead. It wasn't needing them that made her miss them, it was simply that they were gone that made her miss them. Sure, they might be back. Well, Willow might. Giles probably wouldn't. Tara and Joyce definitely wouldn't. The scoobies. Buffy, Xander, Cordelia, Willow, Oz then Tara, Giles, Angel, Dawn, Wesley. From ten to three. "It's not a good idea." Said Xander. "She has to know." Argued Dawn. "No, I know she doesn't want to die again but she isn't exactly back to her old self. This might just push her over the edge. Do you want her like she was?" "It might not happen like that." "Yeah, 'cos leaving Angel is always SO easy for Buffy." Dawn glared. "You." She sighed, not having a suitable insulting comeback. "What's the what?" asked Buffy as she came in to the kitchen. She had heard Dawn and Xander talking from upstairs, now they were glaring at each other. "Nothing." Said Xander. "No it's something." Xander and Dawn continued staring at each other. "Now you're scaring me." Said Buffy. "Tell me." Dawn looked at Buffy. "We got a call. From Wesley." "Dawn." Said Xander, warning her not to say any more. "She has a right to know Xander. If Buffy says no, then fine." "What? Guys, just tell me about Wes. OK?" Dawn swallowed. "He called about Angel." Buffy's features clouded with worry. "Is he OK?" "He's alive, but he's not OK." "What does that mean?" "Wes said he's been trapped for months. He starved, basically, now he's too weak to eat or stand and he's. a little wacko." "Wacko?" "Not his words. He said Angel was hallucinating and demented, I think." "What does he want from me?" "He wants you to go there, see if you can help him at all." Buffy nodded, taking a seat as this information sank in. No one spoke for a long while as Buffy thought things over. Sure, he had left her, but his intentions were good. And no matter what, Buffy still loved him, she couldn't not help him. She could never live with herself. "Xander, you're driving." Buffy arrived at the Hotel nervous as hell. She was nervous about seeing him and what state he would be in but most of all, she was scared that she might not be able to help him. "Buffy." Greeted Wesley as they entered. "Hi." "Good to see you." "You too. You look. different." Wes smiled tightly. "Well, things have changed." Buffy nodded, understanding. "You look good." Said Wes. "Yeah, sure beats that rotting corpse look I had last year." "Yes." There was an uncomfortable silence for a few moments. "Shall I take you to see him?" Buffy nodded and Wesley lead Buffy, Dawn and Xander up to Angel. Wesley stopped outside the door of Angles room and turned to them. "I should prepare you first." He said quietly. "He's lost a lot of weight, looks very gaunt. He's also. The lack of blood has caused his higher brain functions to shut down. He hallucinates frequently, sleeps a lot. When he is awake, he speaks gibberish." Buffy nodded that she was ready but she wasn't. As she stepped into the room, nothing could have prepared her for the sight of Angel. He was painfully thin, his hair a matted mess and he was thrashing about under the covers, as though he was having a bad dream. "Any change?" she heard Wesley ask the woman in there. "Nothing." She answered in a southern accent. Wesley sighed. Swallowing, Buffy turned to them. "Fred, this is Buffy, Dawn and Xander." Buffy didn't pay attention to the name. "Why can't you feed him?" Buffy asked. "We've tried." Said the woman. "We tried spooning the blood into his mouth but he choked on it. When we try and sit him up he fights us." Buffy noticed she had a black eye. "So he still has strength?" "Some." Answered Wesley. "Not much though. He's probably weaker than Xander right now, he just thrashes about when we move him. It hasn't been possible to keep him upright long enough to fed him anything. We also tried a tube through his nose into his stomach. He. lets just say his natural reflexes are still working, he didn't like that." Buffy nodded, her brain thinking of all the possible ways one night feed a vampire who was helpless. "What about a transfusion?" Wes shook his head. "All the blood in his body has been used. His veins have collapsed." Buffy turned back to the bed, out of ideas. Angel still thrashed around lightly under the covers. Buffy took a few steps closer until she was beside the bed. He looked so small, fragile. She had never seen him like this before. Even when he came back from hell he hadn't been weak. Tears stung her eyes as she sat on the edge of the bed. "Angel." She said softly. "Can you hear me?" Angel moaned in his sleep. "It's me, Buffy." He continued moaning but Buffy couldn't make words out of what he was saying. Gently she took his hand and held it in hers. "Angel, wake up. Angel, it's Buffy." She said, shaking his hand gently. Slowly his eyes opened. He squinted at her and sat forward slightly. "Ring, stop the ringing!" he said, becoming panicked. "No Angel, there is no ringing. Shhh, it's ok, I'm here and I'll take care of you." "No, ringing, stop it, stop it!" he began to thrash around again, trying to release his hand from Buffy's grip. Buffy released his hand and gently brushed his brow. "Sleep Angel, it'll be OK soon. Sleep." He closed his eyes and relaxed somewhat under her soothing words. Buffy stood up and left the room. Wes, Dawn and Xander followed. Once her emotions were reigned in again Buffy spoke. "What happens if we can't get him to eat?" Wesley sighed. "The council have done tests like this before. First they metabolise their own bodies and utilise all the blood in it. Then their functions begin to shut down. Eyesight blurs, higher brain function slows. It's common for delusions to occur during this time. That's also why he complains of ringing, tinnitus it's called, the audio region of the brain is. malfunctioning" He paused. "Eventually they will enter a vegetative state, much like a human coma." "How long does he have until that happens?" "It depends on the size of the vampire, how recently they feed, how fit and active they are." "Wes!" "I estimate about another week. He won't die from starvation but. well those brought back from that state were never the same Buffy. That's why I called you, we're running out of time." "I need a walk." She said, turning and leaving the others behind. Buffy returned to the hotel about an hour later with a brown paper bag. "You're back." Said Wes, looking up from the black man he was talking with. "Yeah." "This is Charles Gunn, an associate of. Angles." Buffy nodded at him. "Wes." Came another voice. Buffy turned to see a teenager walk out from the kitchen. Wesley turned white. "I, Uh, Connor, I wasn't expecting you back so soon." "Got finished early. Pretty easy one." "Right. Well this is Buffy, she's here to help Angel." The young man looked startled for a second. "Great." Buffy nodded at him, wondering who he was and why he looked jumpy. She shook those thoughts away; she had other things to do now. "I'll be up with him, I need some privacy." "Of course. Dawn and Xander are settling into their rooms, we put your belongings in a room too." "Great. Now, privacy, remember." "Of course." Said Wesley, suspecting he knew what Buffy had planned. Buffy shooed Fred out of the room and locked the door behind her. She sat at a table and opened the bag, getting the contents out. It contained two baby bottles, one baby non-drip childs beaker, a sharp knife as well as dressings, bandages and gauze. Buffy looked over to the bed to remind herself why she was doing this. Swallowing, she turned back to the table. She picked up the knife and laid the point on her wrist. She took a few deep breaths then slowly cut into a vein, from the wrist, towards the elbow. The cut was about a centimetre long and immediately began to bleed so she quickly held it over the bottle, watching as it trickled in. She flexed her hand and arm muscles to increase the flow of blood. It soon began to taper off and she opened the wound up again, repeating the process. After opening the wound for a third time she had almost a full bottle. She screwed the teat on and squeezed the bottle. Sure enough a few drops came out. She put the bottle back and quickly dressed her wound. It would heal soon but she didn't want to loose more blood than she had to. Angel would need it. She headed for the bed, hoping this worked. It worked for babies who had no higher brain function; hopefully it would work on reflex for Angel. He would only get blood when he sucked so he shouldn't choke on it. Well, that was the theory anyway. She sat next to him on the bed and gently put her arm under his head, raising it slightly. Squeezing the bottle she put a few drops on his lips. He licked them and murmured. Buffy squeezed a few more drops out and he opened his mouth for the teat. Buffy gave it to him and he began sucking at its contents. He didn't seem aware of what was happening, he still looked to be asleep but he was feeding and that was all that counted. In some ways it was good that Angel wasn't all here right now because she knew he would never willingly take her blood. She also knew it was the fasted way for him to heal. Slayer blood was legendary for its properties on Vampires. He continued feeding and Buffy gently wiped his brow and stroked his hair as he fed. An hour later and the bottle was empty. He didn't look healthier yet but he had only had a little. She refilled the bottle, this time opening a different vein on her wrist. It took just over half an hour for the second bottle, which Buffy took as a good sign. Once finished he opened his eyes and looked at her. He didn't seem to see her too clearly and still squinted. "Angel?" she asked. "Angel." "That's right, you're Angel." He reached his hand out and cupped her face. "Angel." "No. Buffy." She said, pointing to herself, then she pointed at him. "Angel." She repeated the process. "Me Buffy, you Angel." "Angel." He said again. Buffy sighed. Maybe she had been too late. "Rest, get some sleep then we'll bath you and cut your hair." Angel sighed and took her hand. "Shtay." He said thickly. "You want me to stay?" Angel nodded. "I wont go anywhere." She said, lying next to him. He reached out and gently stroked her face, murmuring to himself. ********************************* Chapter 2 Buffy awoke to the realisation she had fallen asleep. She looked beside her and saw Angel lying quietly, staring at her. "You didn't sleep?" she asked. He shrugged. "Well, I'll run a bath then help you wash, OK." He neither agreed nor objected. Buffy sat up and headed for his bathroom. She drew a warm bath and was returning to fetch him when she heard a thud. She found the bed empty and Angel lying beside it. He had probably tried to walk. She got down beside him and reassured him. "It's OK. Don't try and walk yet. Soon. Not yet." She picked him up and carried him through to the bathroom. Now she had 2 choices. Undress him or bath him fully clothed. Clothed seemed silly. It wasn't like she hadn't seen him naked before, after all. Carefully she sat him on the toilet seat and stripped his clothes away, averting her gaze at the right times. Then she lifted him and placed him in the bath. His head rolled back and he appeared to doze while Buffy began to clean him with a sponge. He wasn't dirty, exactly, just not clean. She wondered if anyone had bathed him since he came up from the ocean. Probably not. His hair proved to be the hardest part since it was long and matted. Buffy kind of liked the look, if it were tidied up a bit. She left him to retrieve her conditioner from her things then returned and gently picked the tangles out of it. She also brought her bag back to Angles room with her, figuring she'd be sleeping here for the foreseeable future. She then left him soaking as she filled up both baby bottles with more of her blood, this time she opened a vein in her elbow which was sufficiently large enough not to need repeated reopening. She got him out of the bath, dried him off and dressed him in sweat pants then she helped him clean his teeth and carried him back to bed. She tucked him in then as he drifted in and out of sleep, she got the two bottles and began feeding him the first. Buffy was disturbed a few hours later by a gentle knocking. She left Angel sleeping and went to the door, pulling her sleeves down over her bandages before she opened it. "Wes. Hi." "I just wanted to check you were OK." He said. "We're good. He's sleeping. He looks better, he isn't thrashing around in his sleep but he's still weak. He hasn't said much yet." Wesley nodded and handed her a bag. Buffy opened it to see two sandwiches and two orange juice cartons. "You need to keep your strength up." He said, letting her know he knew what she was doing. "Thanks. Wanna come in?" Wes hesitated. "Yes. I'd like that." They both took a seat in the next room where they could still watch him. "You bathed him," said Wes. "Yeah." "We weren't able to, he kept thrashing. wasn't pleasant." "It's done now. I'll trim his hair when he's up to it." Wes smiled, pleased Angel had someone who cared for him so much. "So, I know about the box, I don't know why. And where's Cordelia?" Wes supposed it was time for the whole truth. "Well, it started with Darla." "Dead Darla?" "Yes, that one. Wolfram and Heart brought her back to torment Angel." Buffy didn't question it having been recently brought back herself. "They, that is Angel and Darla, they. had a child together. It was prophesised. We still aren't sure how or why but it happened. I." Wesley paused, this part was never easy. "I was misled into thinking Angel would harm the child, so I tried to escape with him." He felt his neck. "Didn't exactly go to plan. He was taken by Holtz, a demon hunter who's been after Angel for centuries. Holtz took the boy to another dimension, raised him there." "Is he still there?" "No. The young man you saw earlier, Connor, that's Angles son. Darla is dead, she died giving birth to him. He returned a few months ago with Holtz. You know about time moving differently in demon dimensions?" Buffy nodded. She didn't speak, just let him continue. "Needless to say Angel wanted nothing to do with me after that, I left them alone and tried to recover. Then Angel went missing. I discovered it was one of Holtz people who had done it. They tricked Connor into believing Angel killed Holtz, then Connor and Justine imprisoned Angel and sank him into the ocean. I discovered the where abouts of the box from Justine, recovered the body and that's where we are today. Cordelia on the other hand seems to have ascended to a high plain." "Huh?" "Gone to help the powers or something. Lorne was finally able to tell us she had ascended but my research hasn't dug much up." "Wait, THE Cordite, the bitch of Sunnydale? The one who's never short of a bitychy remark or selfish thought? The one who takes pride in other peoples falls and is as much use as a cucumber when it comes to fighting evil?" "Well, she isn't quite that woman any more, but I must say it surprised me too." "Wow. Ever considered writing a novel?" Buffy asked. She was still reeling from all this information. "So his son did this to him?" she asked after a pause. "Yes." "No wonder he looked worried." "Quite. No one else knows yet. Just you and me." "Why not?" "It isn't my place. I'm just here because I found Angel; his relationship with his son isn't my. it's none business any more. Once Angel recovers I'll go." "Sorry, I'm still having problems with a vampire child." "Me too. I can't find an explanation for it. It shouldn't happen. What's more, he is human, a normal human boy with a soul." Buffy took a deep breath. "And I thought my life was complicated." Wes shrugged. "How are you coping?" "Better. Much better." Wes nodded and they sat silently for a moment. "You shouldn't give him too much of your blood you know." Wes said. "It's the best thing for him." "I realise that, just be careful. Supplement it with other blood. It wouldn't do anyone any good to have you ill as well." Buffy nodded. "How did you get him to feed anyway?" "With a baby's bottle." Wesley turned to her, smiling slightly. "I never thought of that." They sat in silence again for a few moments before Wes stood. "I'd better go." "OK." Wes was at the door when Buffy said. "I'll keep my eye on Connor for you." "I suspected you would." The next time Angel came round he was weak but much more coherent. Buffy prepared his blood out of his vision, in the beaker this time, so the delivery was faster. He smiled at the child's container. "Can't I just have a glass?" he asked in a raspy voice. "Maybe next time, I'm not taking any chances." Angel accepted it and drank the blood. He didn't have the strength to argue right now. "Can you take more?" she asked as he finished. Angel thought about it. He was ravenously hungry but he wasn't honestly sure his body would take too much. "A little." He said. "In a glass." Buffy smiled. "I'll be right back." She left the room and headed downstairs to get Angles pigs blood. "Buff, how's it goin'?" asked Xander who was perched on a chair in the lobby talking to Gunn. "Good. He's going to make it." "So we can head home then." Said Xander, a little too eagerly. "You can, I need to stay on." Turning to Gunn she asked. "Where's Wes?" "He left, said he wasn't needed here now." He rummaged in his pocket and pulled a small tape recorder out. "He said to give this to you though, said you might need it." "Thanks," she said, taking the appliance. "And Dawn?" "Last I saw she was in the kitchen." "Thanks," said Buffy, heading to the kitchen for Angles blood. Buffy went in to see Connor and Dawn giggling at the table. "DAWN! Get away from him!" she shouted. "Buffy, we were just talking." Whined Dawn. "I don't care, you are to have nothing to do with Connor while we are here, is that clear? If you can't stick to that I'll send you home tonight with Xander." Dawn pouted while Connor turned in his chair and glared at Buffy. Buffy glared back. "Dawn, go to your room." "But Buffy." "Just go." Dawn got up from the table and sulked off. Connor continued to glare at Buffy. Buffy figured he was trying to work out if she was an over protective sister or if she knew about him. Buffy smiled tightly at him then turned away to the fridge. She retrieved two containers of blood then closed the fridge. "You know, I'd have thought you'd want to know how your dad is." She stated. "Maybe I do." As much as she wanted to beat this kid over the head for what he did, she couldn't drive Angles son away. If she told him she knew he could well run, he looked the jumpy kind. "Well he's doing better." She said, turning and leaving him alone. "How's that?" asked Buffy, handing the Polaroid photo of his new haircut to him. "It's a little longer than I'm used to." He said. She had cut it straight along both sides with a centre parting. "Quit griping. If you think you can do better, be my guest." She said, handing him the scissors. "It looks good." Buffy smiled. "OK, lets get you back into bed." She said, helping his up from the chair and over to the bed. He could walk now but he wasn't able to do so alone. She made him comfortable then went to prepare some more blood. The best thing seemed a little and often. He had tried drinking both containers she brought him yesterday and ended up being sick. Now he had a glass an hour when he was awake. He was healing well, Buffy thought; she would have liked Wes there to confirm it. His speech was still a little raspy but improving, his strength was returning and his mind seemed much better, if a lot slower than he had once been. He hadn't mentioned Connor to her, nor had he asked why she was there. Buffy thought both were odd but probably due to his starved mind. As yet no one else had seen him, Buffy wanted to keep it that way for now. The less Connor knew, the better. Besides, she didn't want Connor coming in here and spinning some bogus story to his dad because Angel wasn't up to full mental acuity. No, they would just have to wait. Buffy kept the door locked and opened it herself when anyone knocked. So far only Fred and Dawn had asked about him, other than Wes of course. Fred seemed the most concerned about him and Buffy didn't like lying to her. It didn't help that whenever she called she brought food or a drink for Buffy and always asked how she was coping. She liked Fred and as the days wore on she found it harder and harder to keep lying. Buffy thought Angel must have a lonely life. He had people around him but seemed so alone. She could relate to that feeling. She returned to the bed and handed him his glass. "How do you feel?" she asked. "Tired." "Sleep then. I wont go anywhere." "Why don't you sleep too? You look tired." Buffy had to admit she was. "I'll sleep out in the other room." "No don't, stay here. With me." Buffy didn't see a reason why not. She didn't have a boyfriend, he didn't have a girlfriend. There was nothing stopping her sharing his bed. Except that it brought up feelings she wasn't supposed to have. Now he was more himself it would me much easier to fall for him again. Right now though, she wasn't sure she cared. The last few days she had purpose again, she enjoyed taking care of Angel and being around him. It felt nice, normal. Buffy shrugged. "Sure." She didn't undress, one because neither needed that temptation and two, Angel would see her dressings and want to know why she had them. So far he hadn't twigged than every fourth glass was her blood and she wanted to keep it that way. She climbed under the covers and snuggled in close, kissing him lightly before closing her eyes. Chapter 3 Buffy lay in bed thinking about the situation Angel, and now she, was in. Angel had a son. Hadn't that been why the broke up, because he couldn't give her children and a normal life? Darla. if it was possible she hated her even more than when Darla first died. She also had a grudging respect for her. She had died so her child could live, how many people would do that? But in doing so she had enabled Connor to do this to his father. Swings and roundabouts. At least Holtz was dead. His grip on Connor seemed to extend beyond the grave but he himself wasn't around. She supposed you had to be grateful for small mercies. Buffy had gathered from Gunn and Fred that morning that Connor was part of the team, fighting demons and such with them. He was stronger than a regular human and a bit of a loner but otherwise normal, according to Fred. Considering he had grown up in a demon dimension he turned out pretty OK. Helping people, though he was a little short on the people skills. As a certain vampire used to be. Buffy wondered what to do with Wesley's tape. It had Justin's confession that she killed Holtz and set Angel up. She suspected Connor wouldn't listen to her if she tried to play it for him. Should she make friends with him? Try and gain his trust that way maybe. Or just leave things to Angel. He still hadn't mentioned Connor. Perhaps he didn't even know Connor was still here, it's possible he thought Connor had imprisoned him and run off since his memory after being brought up probably wasn't great. And not many people would stick around after something like that, after all. Buffy sighed and got up from bed. It was lunch time and she was hungry. She knew Angel would sleep for another few hours so he wouldn't miss her. His sleep now seemed restful. He had an occasional dream but mostly he slept soundly. She padded down to the lobby to see Gunn and Fred there. Gunn looked pretty beaten up and Fred was tending to his wounds. "What happened?" Buffy asked. "Demon infestation, not pretty." Replied Fred. "Did you get them?" asked Buffy. Gunn shook his head. "No, they ran. Connor's tracking them for now." "So what happens next?" "He'll call when they stop." Said Gunn. "I don't think you should go back out there." Said Fred, concerned. "I have to, Baby. I can't leave Connor alone, there are at least five still alive." Fred nodded, not happy but accepting his words. "I'll go." Said Buffy. Gunn looked sideways at her, as though he couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. "I'm the slayer, professional demon fighter since I was14." "She has a point." Said Fred. "You'll just hold things up if you're hurt." Said Buffy. "I can take it." 'And possibly bond with Connor at the same time.' "Yeah, that'd be good." Said Gunn. "Thanks." "It's nothing. I just need some food and to speak to Dawn." "I'll get the food." Said Fred. "You talk to Dawn, I don't think we have long until he calls." Buffy nodded and headed upstairs. "Come in." called Dawn. Buffy entered and saw Dawn reading a magazine. She saw Buffy and turned back to it's pages. Buffy sat beside her on the bed. "I'm sorry I shouted at you. I didn't mean to." "But you did." "I know. I can't tell you everything but I need your help. Can you help me?" Dawn looked up at her sister. "What?" "I need you to watch Angel for a while. I have to go out." "OK, I guess I could." Buffy smiled. "Thanks Dawnie. I promise, as soon as I can tell, you'll know what's happening. For now, lock the door when you go in, don't let anyone in, my orders so refer them to me if you have trouble. Anyone asks how he is, say fine, he's getting better, you think." "Got it. That all?" "He's sleeping right now, when he gets up he needs one glass of blood an hour. The blood's in a cooler in the living room, glasses on the table." Dawn pulled a face. "Don't be a baby." Teased Buffy. "It's OK, I can do it." Dawn reassured her. Buffy ate her wrap and juice as Gunn drove her to Connor. She felt fine but having lost blood recently it was probably a good idea to have some carbs in her system. Gunn pulled over as she downed the last of her juice. "He said go round the back and up the fire escape." Buffy nodded and exited the truck, heading for the back of the flats. It was just after noon, which made a nice change demon fighting wise. It also meant she could observe Connor better than in darkness. She soon scaled the fire escape and found Connor on the roof, looking through a skylight. "Connor." She whispered. He turned and crept over to her. "Why are you here?" "Gunn's badly hurt. Don't worry, I'm pretty good at this. What's the stitch?" "Stitch?" "What's the what? What's going on?" "There are 6 in the flat below. 5 healthy, 1 wounded." "Go in through the sky light?" Connor nodded. Buffy pulled her axe out from behind her. "Lets do it." Buffy went through first, crashing through the skylight to land in the middle of the room. She immediately began fighting the things. They were grey and scaly with long claws. Connor landed just after her and they formed a team, protecting each others backs as they fought. Buffy was amazed how much it felt like fighting with Angel. It had taken them time to learn each others moves but with Connor there was none of that, it was like they worked together all the time. Connor wasn't quite as sure of Buffy as she was as him though. Buffy despatched the last demon by throwing her axe into his head then turned to Connor. His jaw was slack. She had taken out four compared to his two. "Not bad kid." She said. "Where did you learn to do that?" he asked. "Well, I have a secret. I'm the slayer." "The what?" "The chosen one? The one girl in all the world, yada yada yada." He looked blankly at her. "Ask Uncle Wes about it, he'll fill you in. "He's not my uncle." "Well no, not literally. But he cares about you. Anyway, your moves were good, I'm impressed." He paused before answering. "Thanks." Buffy looked down at her goo stained clothes. "Can we get out of here now? I need to lather rinse repeat demon out of my hair." "Huh?" "You really need to brush up on pop culture kid. Come on, Gunn's waiting for us." Back in the truck Connor sat in between Buffy and Gunn. "He's good." Buffy praised Connor to Gunn. "I know, he's got some great moves on him." Buffy saw Connor blush and look downward. She guessed he wasn't used to praise. "So, you guys do this a lot?" Buffy asked. "Not so much since Cordie disappeared with her visions." Said Gunn. "Now we just wait for calls from people having problems." He paused a moment. "I tell you though, since Angel disappeared, I don't know what we would have done without Connor here." Buffy showered back at the hotel then went to check on Angel. She found Dawn sitting next to the bed, talking about the last year in Sunnydale. "Things haven't been easy." She heard Dawn tell Angel. "Dawn!" said Buffy sharply, afraid she would tell Angel about Spike. She knew he would have to find out, just not right now. "It's OK." Said Angel, "She's taken good care of me." Buffy softened slightly. "Oh. Good. Thanks Dawn." "Whatever." She said, miffed. "Guess you want alone time now." She said, heading for the door. Buffy stopped her. "Thanks Dawn." Dawn shrugged and left. Buffy took a seat, wondering just how much Angel knew about the last year. "You need anything?" she asked. "Blood, bathroom, newspaper?" "No, I'm fine." "Good, that's good. So you feel OK?" "Yeah, Buffy I'm fine." Silence reigned for a few moments. "Why didn't you tell me about Spike?" he asked. Buffy sighed. She he did know. "It was a hard year Angel. I felt so. alone." "You don't have to explain." "Yeah, I do. The truth is he was there for me. Kinda. and he just. he was. cold. He felt cold." "He felt like me." Buffy couldn't meet his gaze. "Yeah. If I didn't think too much it was like being with you. But without the love and respect part. Or the happiness." "I'm sorry." "No, I'm not blaming you Angel. I just. it was so hard, so lonely. I wanted to go back to something that made me happy. And the last time I was really happy was with you. I know, I can't go back, and I shouldn't have tried. Like I said, I just felt lost." "And now?" "Now what?" "How are you? And what's happening with Spike?" "She didn't tell you?" "No." "Oh great." Buffy took a deep breath. "I broke things off with Spike and he didn't like it. He tried to attack me. rape me." "Are you OK?" "Fine. After that I knew I couldn't go back to him. Since then I haven't seen him. A demon friend of his said he's left town. I just hope he doesn't come back." "And you're doing OK?" "Not sure. I don't want to die again but I think being here is my crutch now, being close to you." "I know the feeling." Said Angel, breathlessly. He opened his arms and Buffy fell into them. He caressed her hair as he held her. Finally Buffy pulled away. "So, are you mad at me?" she asked. "Mad?" "You left so I could have a normal life, I end up with Spike." Angel shook his head. "I'm not mad. I just wish I could have been there for you." "Me too. Though I heard you had an eventful year yourself." "Connor." "Yeah." "It's complicated." "I know. He's a messed up kid." "You've seen him?" "I've fought with him. He's here, in the hotel." Angel's jaw went slack. "I just assumed he went with Justine. I never. In the hotel? Right now?" "Yeah. You want to see him?" "I. Has he asked about me?" "Not much. I think he's scared." "Then no, I don't want him running off. Not yet." Buffy smiled. "I think that's the right thing too." "But I don't want him here either. He's dangerous Buffy, you and Dawn shouldn't be around him." "He didn't know what he was doing, you realise that? Holtz and Justine tricked him into thinking you killed Holtz. He's a troubled boy Angel." "You're defending him now?" he asked, incredulously. "Not what he did, but I think he's basically a good kid. He made a mistake, I've made some pretty huge ones lately. So have some friends." Angel sighed. "I'm just not sure I can forgive him Buffy." "You forgave me a lot. I sent you to hell." She said. He couldn't help but smile a little at her attempt to lighten the mood. "That was different." "I took your soul away." "But you did it nicely." "I made you drink me." "That wasn't actually too much of a hardship." Buffy smiled, relieved the tension was gone. "Just give him a chance. I gave you another chance, doesn't he deserve one too?" "You never used to be like this." "What?" "So forgiving." Buffy shrugged. "When you sleep with a soulless demon, your best friend tries to destroy the world and you try and save the man who killed your friends lover, you tend grow up a bit." Buffy left Angel sleeping and went to try and find Connor. She found him in the lobby with Gunn. "Yo Buff, how's the A man doing?" asked Gunn. "Better, still weak though." "What can I do for ya?" "It's Connor I wanted to see." Connor looked her way but didn't speak. "Wanna work out with me?" "Me?" "Yeah. I like training with someone when possible." Connor seemed to contemplate the idea for a while. "Sure." "You have a training room here?" "In the basement." Buffy took things fairly easy on Connor. He fought like his dad and she could have easily taken him down if she wanted. She just wanted to observe him for now though. He was fast and pretty strong. It was clear Buffy had the upper hand though, Connor hardly landed a punch. After 15 minutes Buffy called for a break. Connor looked at her oddly while she drank her water and eventually Buffy had to ask. "What?" "You don't look like a man." He said. Buffy almost spat her water out. "Excuse me?" she asked, trying hard not to laugh. "Gunn told me you were a mystical He-Man type person. I just don't think you look like a man." "You mean the slayer gig?" "Yeah," "We really have to work on the pop culture." Buffy took a seat on the floor. "OK, this is how it works. The slayer is a force for good; in every generation there is a chosen one, a girl, the Vampire Slayer. Her job is to fight the demons and vampires of the world and basically keep order and stop the world ending. Once she dies, another slayer is called to look after things." "Oh." "You want to ask something?" Connor sat opposite her. "Who chooses you?" "Mmm, toughie. Some think the Powers choose the slayer, some thing it's fate or destiny. Basically we don't know how we get chosen, just that we are." "How long have you been doing it?" "Too long. About 7 years." "Does it ever. Don't you have enough?" Buffy took a deep breath. "Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes all I want to do is curl up with a good book and forget the whole slayer thing. Move to Hawaii, run a little bar, hang out, have a family." "Why don't you then. You sound like you've thought about it a lot." "Yeah, I have. Thing is, I can't turn my back. I have a gift and as much as I hate it, I can't stop. Too many people would die if I stopped and I couldn't live with that." Connor was silent. "What about you, why don't you stop?" she asked. "I can't." "Why not?" "Because he'd be disappointed. I'm here to rid the world of evil, it's my destiny." Buffy sighed. "Funny thing about destiny, it isn't always what you think." "What do you mean?" "Well I was supposed to die when I was 16. I did, for a little while, but Xander and Angel revived me. Life isn't always what you think and appearances can deceive." Connor remained silent for a while and Buffy left him to his thoughts. "You're a vampire slayer right?" he finally asked. "Yeah." "So you supposed to kill vampires." "Right." He looked into her eyes. "Then how could you let him live?" Buffy sighed. "Angel. Like I said, things aren't always what they seem. When I met him I didn't know what he was at first, by the time I found out, I already loved him. I was tricked into thinking he'd hurt my Mom, then I wanted to kill him. But I looked at him. Somehow I knew he didn't do it, he wouldn't have betrayed me like that." "Who set him up?" "Well. Your mom actually." Connor looked confused. "Why would she want him dead. Darla and Angelus were a team, together for centuries." "Just over a century actually. About 150 years. Darla dumped him once he got his soul back. Turns out though, that she was the jealous type and when she found out about me, she wanted him back. I guess." "But he's evil." Protested Connor. Buffy shook her head. "No, he isn't. Angel is kind and sweet. He's saved my life countless times." "But you sent him to hell." Things were getting a lot more complicated. "Gunn told you about that huh?" "Yes." Buffy nodded. "I won't lie. His curse has a clause in it. If he ever stopped suffering for his crimes and experienced one moment of pure happiness, his soul would be stripped form him. Unfortunately I didn't know that and gave him a happy. I've seen Angelus in action, hell, I was his victim. It isn't pretty but Angel isn't the same person. With his soul he's a new man and he does regret what he did when he didn't have his soul." "Why should I believe you?" "You shouldn't. You have to learn to decide for your self. Holtz told you one thing, I'm telling you another. You decide what's truth or fiction." "How?" "Watch, listen and when all else fails, go on instinct." Buffy stood. "I think that's enough with the deep and meaningfulls for today." "I'm sorry." "For what?" "I upset you." Buffy crouched in front of him again. "You didn't upset me." She said, confused. "But you want to stop, I must have upset you." Buffy sat back down. "No. Believe me, if I'm upset you'll know. It's just painful, you know? You must, you grew up in hell." "So you aren't angry with me?" "No! What would make you think that?" Buffy had an idea what. This Holtz hadn't liked being spoken back to; he had probably been abusive when crossed. "Nothing. You really aren't angry?" Buffy took his hand and looked into his eyes. "No, I'm really not. It's OK to ask. I just find it hard sometimes. My relationship with Angel was very emotional and telling the story can bring those feelings back." "So he was bad to you? Made you feel bad?" "Sometimes, mostly when he lost his soul. He also made me happy. My time with him was the happiest of my life, over all. I still turn to him for help. Like when my Mom died, he was there for me, he listened, and when I came back from heaven, he took my pain away for a few hours." "So why didn't he stay with you? Was he being selfish?" "NO, no." she took a moment to compose her words. "Angel and I don't work. Loosing his soul was proof positive of that. We can never be a couple because we can't risk him losing his soul again. And since we can't be together, it's easier if we're apart. Seeing him every day is just too hard, it reminds me of what I can never have." "So is it hard for you now?" "Being here? No, that's easy, because I get to live in a little fantasy life where Angles still a part of my life." Only a partial lie. "Leaving again, that'll be the killer." She said softly. Connor nodded and Buffy stood again. "I should check on him. You OK?" Connor nodded. Buffy guessed he needed some time to digest everything he had learnt. "I'll come down later for dinner, want to join me? We could watch a movie." "You and me?" "I was thinking you, me, Dawn, and anyone else who wants to join in. You up for it?" "Yeah, I guess." Buffy smiled. "Later kid." "How's Connor?" asked Angel as soon as she walked in the room. "I'm fine thank you." Said Buffy sarcastically. "Sorry, I just wondered." "How did you know?" "I can smell him on you." Buffy pulled a face. "You must be getting better if you're doing that freak-me-out-smelling-stuff again." "So?" "He's OK. He asked a lot about you and me, I told him the truth." "How'd he take it?" "Well. I think he's had a rough life Angel. And I don't just mean the Quarter dimension." "Quor-torth." "Whatever. I don't think Holtz was the best father. Connor's always scared of upsetting me. I get the impression Holtz didn't like being upset." Angel swallowed. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this." "No, go on." "I think Holtz told him he has a destiny to rid the world of evil, and I think he used what ever means necessary to create a fighting machine, bring up a well rounded son didn't matter too much." Misery marred Angles features. "It's not all bad Angel. I think he respects me because I'm a fighter. He's kind of attached to me. I hope anyway. I'm going to try and draw him out, see if we can't round off some of those hard edges Holtz sharpened." "You think it'll work?" Buffy pulled a face. "I didn't even know my sister was a klepto until a few months ago, what do I know." Angel smiled. "I think you know a lot." Buffy smiled back, "Thanks. I appreciate that." *********************************** Chapter 4 Buffy left Angel with one of his favourite books of poetry for her night with the others. Fred had volunteered her and Gunn's room since they owned the only video recorder in the hotel. "Someone really needs to get Angel into the 20th century." Said Dawn upon hearing this news. "It's the twenty first century Dawn." Said Buffy. "I know, but little steps. 20th, then on to the 21st!" she declared, covering her mistake. Buffy had got Xander to rent Terminator one and two, feeling they were probably good films to start Connor on. She couldn't believe he had never watched TV, not even since he'd returned to this dimension. They finally settled down with pizza's and began the first film. Connor was enthralled, watching everything with a child like wonder. The second film was put on and the pizza was exchanged for popcorn. "You get that in my bed you gonna pay." Gunn warned. Connor watched, again enthralled. Buffy hoped he would make the connection between Arnie being evil in the first, but good in the second. She hoped he would relate that to his dad. He looked like Angelus, but he wasn't. Mind you, she was probably asking a lot from a film to be able to do that. Buffy also noticed how Dawn kept looking at him all night. Connor was oblivious but it seemed clear that Dawn had a little crush. Buffy would have to have a quick word with her. As the evening drew to a close Buffy showed Dawn back to her room and stepped in for a quick word. "What'd I do now?" asked Dawn, exasperated. "Nothing." Said Buffy, sitting on Dawn bed. "But I can see that you like Connor, right?" "He's OK." "Come on, I've been through the crushes myself, you like him." Dawn blushed. "I'm not saying there's any thing wrong in that, I just want you to be careful." "Buffy." Whined Dawn. "No Buffy's! I mean it. You can hang out with him but be careful, I don't want you going anywhere alone with him and try and let someone know where you are, at all times, OK?" "Why. Don't you trust him?" "No." "But he's never done anything to you, why would you say that?" "Because I know things you don't. Please trust me on this one. I might be totally wrong here, but do you really want to risk it? I'm just asking you to be careful." Dawn pouted. "Fine." "Thank you." Buffy returned to Angles room to see he was still reading. He looked up as she walked in. "Hi." He smiled. "You moved." She said. "What?" "The book you're reading is the one I left on the table which means, unless you have some telekinetic ability I don't know about, you walked over and got it all by your self." He smiled. "You caught me." Buffy grinned. "That's great." Her smile faded and she sat next to him on the bed. "Any problems? Shaky legs, stumbling, anything?" "No, I was fine." He said, smiling at her over protectiveness. "What? I worry ok." "It's fine, I like that you worry." "And I like that you like that I worry." She smiled back, kissing him lightly on the lips. Suddenly she realised how close to him she was. Millimetres away from him and looking directly into those wonderful deep brown eyes. She swallowed. She had two choices. Pull away now or lean in for the kiss. Pulling away wasn't an appealing choice. But leaning in would lead to so much more heartache later on. She found she could do neither; she was frozen in place. Then she wasn't, she was right next to him, her body pressed into his, her hands around his neck and her lips exploring the forbidden fruit. His hands roamed her back, pulling her even closer, needing her. Buffy forgot her doubts and let go, losing her self in this forgotten pleasure. Thankfully Angel was the one to regain his senses, pulling away from her, although not exactly quickly. "Sorry." Breathed Buffy, breathlessly. Still she couldn't seem to move away from him. "Yeah." Said Angel. Buffy took a deep breath and lay on the bed beside him, curling into his chest. At least this way their mouths weren't in danger of contact. Why did love have to be so hard? Finally they fell asleep in that position, both knowing they shouldn't but neither caring. Buffy awoke first the next morning and while Angel still slept she prepared him a glass of her own blood for that morning. Last night had been a huge mistake. Buffy shouldn't have done that. Neither of them should have. It was just to easy a trap to fall into. Kissing Angel was like a natural high, it made her feel whole and slightly giddy. Buffy still wondered every day why they couldn't be together. Of course she knew why but she wondered what kind of world made you feel that way about someone, then put a huge road block in the way. It was cruel. Mind you, the world often seemed cruel so that fitted. But she had died twice, been torn from heaven, fought and killed countless evil things, risked her life nightly, been given a sister she never had, and succeeded in protecting her, defeated a god, averted too many apocalypse's and her reward never came. Didn't she deserve something? A little nod from the good guys to say thank you? Buffy sighed as she dressed the wound on her elbow then turned to take Angel his blood. He was standing in the doorway to the bedroom, looking disapprovingly at her. "Do you have to do that sneak up on me thing? I never liked it and I don't like it now." He just continued looking disapprovingly at her. "What?" she said standing and handing him the glass. He didn't take it. "I was trying to help. You think you'd be all up and walking if I hadn't done this? No, you'd still be lying there drinking from a baby's bottle." "You shouldn't have done it." he said. "Why? So you could play martyr? You needed it Angel and I was happy to give it. Just be gracious and drink it." "It isn't that." "Then what is it?" "You shouldn't risk your life for me." "I haven't." Angel turned and sat on the sofa. Buffy sat beside him. "I don't understand Angel. Why is this so bad? I was trying to help you. I haven't been reckless or taken too much. What did I do wrong?" "Nothing." "Tell me. Please." "I. You don't understand what it's like. Your blood. It's your life, it's what keeps you alive, keeps your body going." His words tapered off. Buffy still didn't understand. "Angel?" "It makes me want you more. You're inside me, part of me and it makes me crazy with desire for you. Not to mention that I don't deserve it Buffy. You have risked your life to get me that blood. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you because of me." Buffy took his hand. "Sorry. I didn't realise." She looked to the glass she was holding. "Last one, promise." She said, handing him the glass. He looked at the contents. "It's done now, you want to throw it down the sink?" she asked. He looked up at her with sad eyes. "What?" she asked. "You have so much faith in me. Why?" "Because I know you." "You don't. Sometimes. Sometimes." Buffy pulled her to him and cradled him. "Shhh." She cooed. "Life is hard, we all want to quit sometimes. We all make mistakes. But I know you are a good person Angel. I know it. You'll be OK, I promise you." Buffy held him for a while, it seemed like hours but was probably only minutes. "You better drink that before it goes bad." She said, standing up and heading for the door. He probably didn't want an audience for this one so she left him alone to get some breakfast. Once downstairs Buffy found Dawn, Xander, Connor and Fred in the kitchen eating breakfast. "Morning guys." She chirped, though she didn't exactly feel chirpy. "Hi." They chorused. "Maybe you can help us." Said Dawn. "We're trying to explain TV to Connor. He thinks the people are real." Buffy poured some cereal and sat at the table. "Ever seen a play?" she asked him. He looked confused. "No." Buffy thought a moment. "Have you ever read a story?" "No, but Holtz used to tell me them sometimes." "Like what?" "How Angelus killed his family, how he tracked Angelus to a barn, how Angelus killed innocents." "Wow, that sounds like fun bedtime stuff." Said Buffy. "What about fairy tails, when you were young. Like little red ridinghood? Or sleeping beauty?" "Or the grinch." Said Dawn. Connor thought. "There was one, about some goats." "The billy goats gruff," said Fred. "I always liked that one." "Good." Said Buffy. "So you know that the goats weren't real right?" "What is a goat?" Buffy sighed. "OK, a goat is an animal, but they can't talk. And trolls don't exist. That means that the story isn't real, just made up. Now what TV does is make up a story and have people play other people in the story." "Like theatre?" "YES! Just like theatre, except they can record it, like on a photo, and send it into TV screens so everyone can watch." "So it's like Theatre at home?" "Yeah." Said Dawn. "But without the boring Shakespeare stuff." Fred was relieved. "I tried explaining after he went to the drive in but I couldn't really explain it well." Buffy finished her cereal then said. "I have to check on Angel, you want to work out later Connor?" "Uh, sure, I guess." he said. Buffy smiled and retrieved some blood from the fridge then left. Buffy returned to see Angel trying his Tai Chi movements. She watched him from the doorway for a few moments. He looked good. He was still thin but his strength was returning and he seemed steady. As he noticed her in the doorway he stopped. "Hi." "You look good." She said. "Work out wise I mean. You looked to be doing good." Angel nodded. "Where did you go?" "Breakfast, and food for you." She said, brandishing the containers of blood. "Oh, thanks." Buffy didn't ask whether he drank her blood. If he had, good, if he hadn't, well, too late to do anything about it. "Buffy, we need to talk." Said Angel. "Right. About what?" "About you staying here, about Connor, about a lot." Buffy nodded. "You want me to go." "No, I just. this is a lot to put on you, shouldn't you be back in Sunnydale having fun?" "Fun, right. Fun flipping burgers, yeah, must get back to that." She said slightly sarcastically. "What?" "I work at a burger bar. They didn't accept me back into college so I'm flipping burgers for a living." "Oh." "It's OK. I should get back. Bills to pay, demons to slay. I'll be out of your hair soon." "Its not that I don't want you Buffy, I do." "I know. I was there, remember? It's OK. I'll leave you to your life. Go start getting on with mine. We'll be gone by tonight." "Buffy, please, I don't want to upset you." "I know, you want what's best for me. Don't worry, I get that." She said, turning back to the door and leaving, slamming it closed behind her. Buffy stormed through the lobby, down into the basement and began punching the bag down there. She wasn't sure why she was upset. She knew this had to end, she had to go home, and she had to leave him again. She just didn't like it. She pummelled away at the bag, fists and feet flying, unleashing all her hurt and anger on it. The bag didn't deserve it, fate did, the gypsy's did. Buffy continued punching the bag until her strength finally gave out and she collapsed to the floor, crying. Her pain finally coming out. Buffy felt him pull her up slightly until her head rested on his lap. Like that would make everything OK. She didn't push him away, what would be the point. He didn't speak to her but he began gently brushing her hair, like he had a few nights ago, soothing her with his touch. Finally her tears dried and she sniffed a few times, wiped her eyes then sat up. "Connor!" she exclaimed. He looked crestfallen. "No, I. I just didn't think it was you. I'm sorry." He shrugged and Buffy pulled him into a hug where they both comforted each other. "I'm sorry I wasn't him," he said. "I'm not." Said Buffy as she held him. Connor pulled out of the hug first. "Did he hurt you?" he asked. Buffy wiped her eyes and shook her head. "No, I knew I had to leave, I don't know why I'm so upset. We aren't a part of each others lives any more, I have to get used to that." "He's sending you away?" "He thinks it's time I went. He's probably right." "But I don't want you to go." Buffy smiled. "I'm sorry." She took a deep breath. "But the issues you have with your dad aren't my business. I'm just stuck in the middle, getting in the way." "No, you aren't. I. I like having you here." "And I like being here it's just. It's complicated Connor." "Then uncomplicated it." he said, becoming agitated. "It's not that easy." "Yes it is, you're going because he's sending you away." "No, I'm going because he's right." Connor's expression was a mixture of hurt and anger. "Just stay a little while longer. Please." Buffy sighed. "OK, I'll see what your dad says." "Why do you have to ask him? Don't you want to stay?" "I do but. we're back to the complicated thing again." Buffy took Connors hand. "I'll stay a few more days OK?" Connor nodded.
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