Chapter 5 Buffy returned to Angel, unsure what she was going to say. She didn’t have to though, he spoke first as she entered the room. “Buffy, I’m sorry if I hurt you earlier, I didn’t mean to.” “No, it’s OK. Really.” “I just thought, after last night…” “I know.” They were silent. “Connor asked me to stay.” Buffy finally blurted out. Angel looked surprised. “What did you say?” “I told him I’d stay a few more days.” Angel nodded. “OK.” “You should see him, talk to him.” Angel remained silent. “You have to revolve things Angel, don’t let them fester.” “Do you think he’ll listen?” “I don’t know. But I do know you can’t stay up here forever.” Angel nodded. “What?” asked Buffy at his hesitance. “I don’t know whether to kill him or hug him.” Buffy shrugged. “That’s for you to figure out.” She went to her bag and began putting the things she had unpacked back in. “I thought you were staying.” “I am. I have a room though, probably best if we don’t stay together any more, you’re mobile now.” “I didn’t mean to hurt you Buffy.” Buffy looked at him. “You didn’t. You were right, it is time to go. But since I’m staying it’s best of we don’t see too much of each other. I’m not doing this to punish you.” That wasn’t true, she did want to hurt him, like she hurt right now. “OK.” Said Angel quietly. Buffy finished packing her things and left. His life was up to him now. If he wanted to see the others and let them see how well he was healing, Buffy wouldn’t stop him. If he wanted to see Connor, Buffy would let him and if he didn’t, Buffy was OK with that too. Her time with Angel was over; he was on his own now. Angel came down to the lobby a few hours later. He walked slowly, slower than he could. He was taking buffy’s advice not to give all his cards away and appear week. “Yo Angel.” Called Gunn. “Good to see you up and about.” His greeting made Fred dart out from the office, smiling broadly. “Angel, you’re OK.” “Yeah. I’m OK.” He said, slowly coming down the stairs. “Where’s Connor?” “He’s out with Buff, Xander and Dawn. They went to the movies and ice cream parlour.” Said Gunn. “You didn’t go?” “Nah, we decided to watch the phones.” Angel sat on a chair in the lobby. “So, what’s been going on?” Gunn shrugged. “Not much. Cordelia’s gone missing.” “WHAT!” “It’s OK, chill! Lorne came back for a few days, told us she’d been taken by the powers, ascended to a high plane or something.” “What?” “Wes knows more than I do, he’s been researching it.” “Wes?” “Yeah, the one who found you, called Buffy down here to look after you.” “I didn’t know that.” He said, realising a lot had happened that he hadn’t been privy to recently. “Well you were pretty out of it.” “But your getting better now.” Said Fred. “Yeah.” Agreed Angel. “What about… Connor?” “Oh he’s fine. Said Fred. “He’s been helping us fight demons. He’s still a bit of a loaner but he’s doing OK. He’s taken a real shine to Buffy too.” “So I hear.” He said tightly. Fred’s smile faltered. “What?” “Nothing.” Angel had to assume they didn’t know about Connor dumping him in the sea then. “So Wes has been here?” “Yeah.” Said Gunn. “He brought you back and stayed while we tried to help. He left once you started to get better.” Angel nodded, wondering if he should talk to Wes. He didn’t really feel inclined to though. Wesley was the reason he lost his son, the reason his son hated him and so also the reason he had spent month on the ocean floor. “Buffy’s a lovely girl.” Said Fred. “She’s been taking real good care of you.” “And she helped up out on an infestation too.” Added Gunn. “Good. I’m glad.” Said Angel. “So, any idea when you’ll be back to full strength?” asked Fred. “Not that we’re rushing you or anything.” “I know. I’m not sure Fred. Maybe a week, maybe two. This hasn’t happed to me before so…” “It’s OK, take all the time you need. We’re just glad you’re back.” Angel nodded. “I think I’m gonna return to my room for a few hours.” “OK, we’re here if you need us.” Called Fred. Buffy didn’t pay any attention to the movie; she had other things occupying her thoughts. Angel, Connor, her feelings. She had come to the realisation that the reason she didn’t want to leave was because here was better than Sunnydale. She had Fred, Gunn, Connor and Angel as well as Xander and Dawn. Not to mention the absence of burgers to be flipped. Here was OK and she was sorry to have to leave it. She even had a watcher type if she needed one. Buffy noticed partway thought the film that Dawn was trying to get Connor to hold her hand. She kept brushing against his leg, putting her hand on his while it rested on the armrest. He brushed everything off. Buffy wasn’t sure if that meant he wasn’t interested or that he just had no idea how to date. Either way, Dawn took it as rejection. As they left the cinema Buffy let Xander and Connor walk ahead. “It might not be about you, you know.” She said, trying to reassure Dawn. “Connor probably has no idea what a date is.” Dawn didn’t appear too cheered up. Buffy put her arm around her shoulders. “Come on, lighten up, things will look much better after a nice big ice cream sunday.” Dawn cracked a small smile. “See, works every time.” Buffy praised her own abilities. On the way back to the hotel Connor surprised Buffy by asking. “Can I see Angel when we get back?” “Uh, sure, I don’t see why not.” Said Buffy. Once at the hotel though she pulled him aside, “Connor, I know what you did to Angel.” He looked shocked. “It’s OK, I’m not upset. I just want to make sure you’re ready to see him. I don’t know how he’ll take seeing you, he was pretty angry when he first came round.” Connor nodded. “I know. It’s just something I have to do. I looked, I listened, now I’ve decided I have to see him.” Buffy accepted it and led him upstairs. She stopped outside her room. “There’s something you should probably hear first.” She said, entering. She retrieved the tape recorder Wes had left for her. She pressed play and Justine’s voice filled the room. “He had me stab him in the neck with a fork thing, told me to make Connor thing it was Angelus.” Sob. “So I did. The sea was Connor’s idea, I just wanted him dead but I helped him capture Angelus, told him what to do, how to act.” Wesley’s voice broke in. “So, just to be clear, you killed Holtz, not Angel.” “At his request, yes.” Buffy shut the tape off. Connor didn’t say anything and his face expressed no emotion. “She lied.” He finally said. Buffy nodded. “Why would she lie?” he asked. “To turn you against your dad. That’s what this whole thing has been for Connor. She never cared for you, she never wanted to help. She was just fighting someone else’s war.” “She killed him,” he whispered. “She killed my father.” Buffy took him by the shoulders and hugged him. “I’m sorry you had to find out like this. I’m so sorry.” “No, it’s best I know the truth. Why didn’t Wesley tell me?” “He didn’t think it was his place.” Connor nodded and pulled out of the hug. “I want to see him now.” Buffy nodded and led him down the hall. She had him wait outside while she spoke to Angel then told him to go in. Connor took a few steps in then stopped. “Aren’t you coming?” he asked. “Do you want me to?” He nodded. “Ok, if you want.” She said, following him in. Everyone was uptight, wondering what was happening. Buffy and Connor took a seat on the sofa and Angel sat on a chair opposite. Buffy noticed he exaggerated his movements, appearing weak. No one spoke for a long time. Finally Buffy had to say something. “If no one’s going to speak, how about writing a letter.” She said. “No.” said Connor. “I can do this.” He looked up, into the angry eyes of his father for the first time. “Angel, Dad…” he looked down again. “I shouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry. I was angry and I thought you killed Holtz.” Angel took a deep breath, the anger abating slightly. “I’m sorry he died.” Connor looked up again to see if Angel was sincere. “Thanks.” No one spoke again. “Angel, anything you want to say?” Buffy prompted. “I… I’ll do everything I can to help you, son. I know… well things haven’t been easy… but I want to get to know you, be a part of your life.” “I want that too… Dad.” Buffy smiled. Of all the ways this could have gone, this was the best she could hope for. “OK,” she began. “That’s probably enough bonding for now.” Angel and Connor nodded. “So. Lets uh, do our own thing for a while. Maybe we can all have dinner tonight.” Suggested Buffy. “Sounds good.” Agreed Angel. “Yeah, sure.” Said Connor. Dawn was waiting for them outside Angel’s room. “Dawn, hey.” Said Buffy. “Hi, I wondered if Connor wanted to watch Star Wars, I rented the trilogy, the original ones, not the sucky new ones.” Connor looked away. “I was going to work out.” He said. Dawn looked crushed. “Oh. OK, maybe later.” “Sure.” He replied noncommittally. Dawn headed off to her room, leaving them in the hallway. “You want to work out?” Connor asked. “Me? No. I have stuff to do. I need to see Dawn them go out for a little while.” “Oh.” Buffy headed off to Dawns room. Just before she got there she turned back. “Hey,” she called. He turned back. “Good job with your dad in there.” She smiled. Connor blushed and headed downstairs. Dawn sat on her bed looking miserable. Buffy sat beside her. “He hates me.” She mumbled. “He doesn’t hate you.” Buffy reassured her. “Even if he isn’t interested in you that way, he certainly doesn’t hate you.” “But why doesn’t he like me?” asked Dawn. “Maybe he does, like I said, he just isn’t used to girls. Or he could be gay, or he could be into leggy blondes. There’s no way to tell Sweetie.” Dawn sighed. “Why is it so hard?” “Relationships? I guess because a good one is worth working for, and you wouldn’t appreciate the good ones if they were all easy.” “That’s a cop out.” Replied Dawn. “True, but it’s a clever one.” Dawn cracked a smile and Buffy hugged her. “There’s plenty of guys out there who’d kill for someone like you. You just haven’t met them yet.” “Don’t think I ever will.” “I know the feeling. Just be patient, you’ve got time.” Dawn sighed. “That didn’t help much did it?” said Buffy. “OK, well the guy you’re after is probably just around the corner.” Dawn smiled. “Thanks Buffy.” “I know it’s hard Dawnie but we all go through it. It’s part of growing up.” Buffy arrived at Wesley’s apartment early evening. “Buffy. I wasn’t expecting you.” He said as he opened the door. “I know.” “Well, come in, please.” Buffy entered and perched on a sofa. “Can I get you a drink or something?” he asked. “No, I’m fine.” “Right.” He said as he sat other end of the sofa. “So what can I do for you?” “I wanted to check you were OK.” “Me? Oh, I’m fine.” “I heard from Fred about your throat.” “Yes, well it’s healing nicely.” “I’m sorry.” “Don’t be, my own fault.” “You were tricked, it isn’t your fault.” Wes shrugged. “I’ve become rather fickle of late Buffy, things don’t tend to bother me as much as they used to.” “Like being thrown out of the hotel.” “Yes. Exactly.” “I don’t know if I can put that right but I do think they miss you.” “They do?” he asked, his hope shining through on his face. Buffy nodded. “Fred is always going on about you and how she could use your help or how good you were at stuff. Gunn doesn’t mention you much but I think he misses you too.” “What about Angel?” “He hasn’t said anything to me.” She admitted. Wes tried not to look bothered. “And Connor?” “He hasn’t said much, but I played the tape you gave me earlier. I think it helped, even though it was painful.” “Good. At least it helped someone.” Buffy paused. “It wasn’t your fault Wes.” “It’s all my fault. At the hotel Connor was safe, protected. I took him away from than and look what happened.” “But you didn’t know, you couldn’t have known, you were just doing what you thought was best for him.” Wes took a deep breath. “Somehow that doesn’t help much.” “Anyway, I wont be here much longer but if you ever want me, I’m just a phone call away.” “Thank you Buffy, I appreciate it.” They chatted a while longer and Buffy informed Wes of Angel progress, then she stood to leave. She hugged Wes goodbye then noticed something move out side his window. She pulled away and stared, ready for attack. “What is it?” Wesley asked. “There’s something outside, I just saw it.” Wes turned and looked as well. “Did you see what?” “No,” she went up to the window and looked out. “Just a blur of movement.” Wesley retrieved an axe from behind the sofa. “Don’t worry, I’m well protected.” Buffy smiled. “Axe hey. Well, never hurts in my experience.” They hugged again and Buffy left. All the way back to the hotel Buffy kept watch. Occasionally she saw movement but she was never fast enough to see what had moved. She hoped it wasn’t a vampire, she really didn’t need that right now. Then it occurred to her, maybe Angel was stalking her. It wouldn’t be the first time. She stopped. “Angel, is that you?” she called to an empty alleyway. “Show yourself.” Nothing. “This is so childish.” She said quietly. “Fine.” She yelled at the empty alley. “Stalk me, follow me everywhere, I’m past caring.” She carried on back to the hotel. She didn’t see the movement again. Buffy walked into the lobby to see Connor sitting on the reception desk. “Have fun?” he asked. “Well fun wouldn’t be the word, but I feel better. Sorry I missed dinner.” “Where’d you go?” “To see Wesley, say goodbye.” Connor nodded. “So, what have you been up to?” she asked. “Nothing.” “How was dinner with your dad?” “OK.” Clearly a dead end. “Didn’t watch Star Wars then?” Connor shook his head. “You should. They’re pretty good.” He shrugged. There was an awkward silence for a few moments. “Well I’m heading off to bed, I’ll see you tomorrow.” said Buffy, heading for the stairs. “Wait.” Buffy turned back. “Would you train with me tomorrow?” “Uh, sure, no problem. What time?” “After breakfast maybe. Then we could go out somewhere.” “Like where?” “Uh…” “We’ll sort it tomorrow. Night.” “Night Buffy.” *************************** Chapter 6 *********************************** Buffy awoke the next morning to Fred shouting through her door. “Uh, what?” she called. “Wes’s is on the phone for you, thought you’d want to take it.” “Yeah, I’m up, I’m up.” She said sitting. “I’ll be down in a sec.” “OK.” Buffy hauled herself from bed, wiped the sleep from her eyes and headed for the lobby. “Hers she is.” Said Fred into the receiver, just before passing it to Buffy. “Wes?” asked Buffy. “Yes. Morning. Hope I didn’t wake you.” “Only in the literal sense. Don’t worry about it.” “Sorry, anyway, after your visit, it sounded like Angel was ready for some testing, just to make sure there’s been no permanent nerve damage.” “Well…” “You don’t want to speak in front of the others?” “Not really.” “Perfectly understandable, just answer these questions. Mentally, would you say Angel was 50% back to normal?” “No.” “More?” “Yes.” “Stop me when I get close. 60%… 70…80… 90.” “Yep.” “90 or above?” “I’d say.” “And physically?” “Little less.” “80%.” “85.” “Well he should be up to some testing then. I’m faxing through some tests for you to do on him. They test short and long term memory, basic motor functions and things of that nature. You can perform the tests regularly if the results aren’t what you hoped, that way you can see if there’s any improvement or if the damage is permanent.” “Sounds good. But you didn’t have to do this Wes.” “Well, I thought it was something I could do.” “I appreciate it.” “Thank you. I’ll fax the sheets through as soon as we hang up. OK?” “Great.” “Well, take care Buffy.” “You too. Bye.” Said Buffy, hanging up. Realising she had bed hair and nasty breath she headed back upstairs before breakfast. Dawn and Xander were the only ones in the kitchen this morning. “Hi guys.” She smiled. “Hey Buff.” Said Xander. “You missed a really uncomfortable and awkward meal last night.” Buffy sighed. “What happened?” “Well, first the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, then Connor stayed about fifteen minutes before he bolted, saying he wasn’t hungry.” “How’d Angel take it?” “He looked pretty upset.” Said Dawn. “But he covered well.” “After that,” continued Xander, “Everyone was on egg shells. As nights out go, this is one for the Worst Night Ever hall of fame.” “Sorry guys. I thought it would help them.” Said Buffy. Dawn and Xander both knew that Connor was Angles son but both were still unaware that Connor had dumped Angel in the sea. “Those two have some serious issues.” Said Xander. Buffy poured some cereal and a coffee then sat down to eat. “Well I don’t suppose you’re needed here any more Xand. If you want to go back to a tension free life, you can.” “How long you staying?” he asked. “Just a few more days.” “Can I stay?” asked Dawn. “If you want to.” “I’ll head back soon, can’t take too much time off work.” Xander said. “It’s ok Xander, I understand.” “I’ll stay if you need me though.” “No, it’s just damage control now, not much you can do.” “I’ll head back today then, if that’s OK with you gals?” “Sure.” Said Buffy. “You wont be too lonely?” “Me? Nah, that’s what big old flats are for, being all by your self in.” “Xander?” “Really buff, I’ll be fine.” Xander and Dawn left Buffy and she took out the sheets of paper Wes had faxed through and began to read them over a fresh mug of coffee. Connor came in a few moments later. “Buffy, ready to work out?” he asked. “I uh, I have to see your dad first.” “Why?” “There’s some things we need to check about his recovery, that’s all.” “You always put him first.” Connor said quietly. “He needs me, he’s weak. And thanks to you and he needs help recovering.” Suddenly Connor turned towards her, his eyes cold. “He doesn’t even love you, you know. He loves Cordelia.” “Connor don’t be silly.” “It’s true, the night I took him he was going to profess his love for her. He doesn’t even want you but you still follow around after him, putting him first all the time, looking after him. Well he doesn’t deserve it.” “Why would you say that?” she asked, her voice cracking at the possibility he was right. “Because it’s true Buffy. Ask Fred, she knows it’s the truth. Angel is in love with Cordelia.” Buffy swallowed, trying to keep her tears from falling. Conner saw the hurt on her face and his anger abated somewhat. “It’s the truth. The truth is good right?” he asked. “Yes, the truth is good. I’m glad you told me… But I need to be alone right now. OK?” Connor left and Buffy felt her tears flow as she stared into her coffee mug. She wrapped her hands around it like it could ward off the internal chill she felt. Nothing could warm her though, because right now she felt like there was an icicle piercing her heart, draining her heat and numbing her senses. She shouldn’t be this upset; they weren’t a part of each other’s lives any more. Of course he would move on like she had with Riley. Except that she had never really moved on, she just appeared to. Given half the chance she would gladly run back to Angel, if only he had asked her to. Now she saw why she didn’t ask though, he had moved on. Really moved on, emotionally. She had no idea how long she sat there, looking into her mug. Minutes, possibly hours but probably not days. “Buffy?” she heard the concern in his voice and the unspoken question. She looked up, certain that she looked a tearstained mess. “Why didn’t you tell me you were in love with Cordelia?” she asked, her voice venomous. Angel looked sadly at the floor, unable to meet her gaze. “Oh no, you do not get to pull that injured puppy craw with me!” She shouted, throwing her mug against the wall. “I am the injured party here Angel, not you.” “I’m sorry.” “You are sorry. You’re so pathetic, you know that?” “Buffy, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” “You never do, yet you seem to be so good at it.” “I didn’t plan on this happening, I just…” “Don’t bother, don’t even try.” Buffy stood up to leave. Once at the door she paused but she didn’t turn back. “I believed you,” she said softly. “When you told me you’d only ever lover one person, I bought it, hook line and sinker… I don’t know who you are any more Angel. You aren’t the Angel I fell in love with.” Then she left, returning to her room to sob quietly into her pillow. “Buffy.” Came Dawns voice through the door. “Can I come in?” Buffy didn’t answer and the door slowly opened. Dawn quietly sat next to Buffy on the bed and leaned down, over Buffy, silently giving comfort and gently rubbing her shoulder. Buffy turned and embraced Dawn as she continued crying. Dawn was pissed, more so than usual. This wasn’t an “I cant do what I want” pissed, this was an “you hurt my sister and deserve to die”, pissed. She didn’t bother knocking, she just barged right into Angles room, looking defiantly at him until he explained himself. Angel put his book down and looked up at her. “Dawnie.” “I’m not Dawnie to you any more.” “I’m sorry Dawn but… it’s complicated.” “Complicated my ass. You hurt her.” “I didn’t mean to fall in love with Cordelia, Dawn, it just happened.” “I used to look up to you, I used to respect you. The love you had with Buffy was how it should be. Then you fall in love with Cordelia. I mean CORDELIA! Don’t you have any standards?” “She isn’t the same woman who left Sunnydale.” “Yeah, she’s Mother Teresa. How could you do it to Buffy?” “You know, it’s not like Buffy hasn’t moved on Dawn. I’m gone two minutes and she’s with Riley, rubbing my face in how good he is and how she can trust him more than me.” “You are SO blind. She said that to hurt you because you hurt her! The difference is Buffy never loved Riley. She’s only ever loved you. You don’t deserve her; you should still be lying in that bed suffering for eternity. And without Buffy, you would be.” Angel’s head shot up as Dawn walked out. Buffy pulled herself together enough to train with Connor, as she promised but her heart wasn’t in it. He took her down three times during their hour session. As they finished Buffy broke the news she was returning home. “But you said you’d stay.” “I know, I’m sorry Connor but I can’t stay here forever. I have my own life to lead.” “Is this about him?” “No, it’s about me. I don’t belong here… I never did.” Connor turned his back to her. “Don’t go.” He begged. “Stay… for me.” Buffy was sorry she had to leave him, but if she was going to get out of here with any hope of not becoming a wreck, she had to go now. “I’m sorry. I have to.” She said, turning and leaving him alone. Buffy returned to her room to see Angel sitting in the darkness. “What do you want?” she asked. “I don’t know.” “Then call me when you figure it out.” “Please Buffy, let me explain.” Buffy sat on the bed, her arms crossed over her chest. “Go on then.” “You don’t know how hard the last few years have been.” “Yeah, because mine have been a breeze.” “Please, let me finish.” Buffy didn’t agree but she didn’t stop him. “Cordelia, no, it starts before that. Darla. She drove me crazy, drove me to the point where I didn’t care any more, I just wanted not to care. That’s when we slept together. Didn’t work though, my soul stayed… Then she came back, pregnant. I was… Within a week I was a father. I had a child. You have no idea what that meant to me… Cordie was there. She helped me, sort of became Connors mom, until he went… I didn’t know what I was doing, I was a wreck, everything was changing, falling apart. A few weeks earlier these spirits have over taken us, the spirits of dead lovers, that was when things began changing. I don't know if I was missing something or if I just wanted a mother for Connor… A family. But things changed.” “Do you love her?” “I don’t know. I always loved her like a sister but real love… that’s not something I…” “Angel, what are you trying to say?” “That’s a good question.” He took a deep breath. “I never lied Buffy. What I said, about only having loved one person, I meant it.” “So how can you love one person in 243 years, and another within 3?” “Don’t go Buffy. Please.” “Why?” “I don’t want you to go. I want…” “I don’t think you know what you want.” As Buffy slept, she dreamed. She was in the bronze, sitting at a table with Willow. The bronze was almost empty, just a few couples dancing. “Willow, why are we here?” “We’re waiting.” “For what?” “Cordelia.” Buffy pulled a face. “I so don’t want to see her right now.” Willow smiled. “It’s OK, she needs to speak with you.” Buffy sat, not having much else to do. “Good, you’re here.” Came Cordelias' voice from behind. “I’m here.” Agreed Buffy. Cordie took a seat. “Good, now I can’t tell you much, but I can tell you Angel doesn’t love me.” “How do you know?” “Hello? Higher being here.” “Is that why the white clothes?” “Yeah, wish they did Gucci in this stuff though.” She said pulling at her clothes. “Anyway, Angel was a test for me. They made us feel for each other to see if I could give him up.” “Who’s they?” “The powers. They have this whole testing thing before they make you into an Okaran.” “A what?” “What I am. Please Buffy, keep up.” “So what do you do?” “I’m like a guardian Angel type, sent where I’m needed to try and make sure things work out like that should.” “But to do that you had to give up Angel?” “True love, that’s what I had to give up. I didn’t have anyone like that so they built on the feelings Angel and I already had for each other.” “So he doesn’t love you?” “No.” “And he’s not in love with you?” “No.” “Could you maybe tell him that?” “He was supposed to realise it on his own, as soon as I left, they said he’d be OK again.” “But he isn’t.” “I know. Something to do with the lack of blood.” “Cordie, if there’s a point here, please get to it.” “OK. Right, this is it. You can’t leave yet.” “Why not?” “Because things aren’t finished. You can’t go until… Oww! I know!” she yelled to the ceiling. She looked back at Buffy. “Well I cant say what you’re supposed to do.” She said, glaring at the ceiling again. “But you can’t go yet.” “What if I do go?” “That wouldn’t be pretty. I can’t stay much longer, they really are slave drivers up here. But one last thing, I’m supposed to make things work out, so that’s what I’m doing here. Oh, and things happen for a reason. Remember that. ” Buffy awoke with a start to an empty room, wondering if that had been a bad case of eating too late, or if Cordelia really had spoken to her. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *************************** Chapter 7 Buffy was still thinking about her dream when Dawn found her the next morning. “So are we leaving?” she asked. “I just don’t wanna pack if we aren’t.” “I don’t know Dawnie.” Buffy told her about her dream. “Wow, cryptic.” “Yeah.” “Maybe that Lorne guy could help.” “The demon?” “Yeah. Can’t hurt to ask him.” “I guess not, but he’s in Las Vegas.” “Road trip!” “No road trip. We’ll call him, see what he says. I’ve already called Wes, he'll see what he can find out. He thinks he’s got a lead on what Cordelia is, if it was really her in my dream.” “OK, but a road trip would have been cool.” Buffy headed down to the lobby to find Lorne’s phone number. “Morning Buff.” Said Gunn. “Got a call about a possible demon problem, if you wanted to help.” “Sure.” “Well it’s either a demon problem or bad plumbing.” “Uh, right. Anyway, do you have a phone number for Lorne?” “Sure, somewhere. So you want to come on the demon job?” “If it isn’t bad pluming, count me in.” “Deal.” He said, ducking behind the desk and rummaging around. “Fred would know where it was.” He said. “Never fear, Lorne is here!” called Lorne entering the hotel. “Lorne, what you doin’ back?” asked Gunn. “I got a call from Cordelia, she wasn’t best pleased with me, I can tell you.” “You’re Lorne?” asked Buffy. “Yes cup cake, I am. You must be Buffy.” “How did you know?” “Well I know things. Apparently not enough to please Cordelia though! Man that woman can be shrill.” Buffy nodded her agreement just as the phone rang. “Angel investigations.” Answered Gunn. “Oh hey Wes… yeah, she’s right here.” Gunn passed the phone to Buffy saying. “It’s for you.” “Wes. Did you find out anything?” “Yes.” He replied. “Apparently Cordelia is now…” “You know.” Interrupted Buffy, “Why don’t you come here, we could have a little reunion now Lorne’s back.” “Lorne’s there? Oh, well it probably is best discussed in person. If you’re sure Angel wouldn’t mind?” “He’ll have me to deal with if he does. Just come, I’m inviting you.” Half an hour later Buffy, Dawn, Fred, Wes and Lorne sat at the kitchen table discussing what was happening. “Right.” Began Wes. “The name you told me Buffy, Okaran, did ring a bell. Didn’t take long to find. Okaran’s are a… Well they can be most likened to a cross between a guardian Angel and an oracle, they help people out. The difference is that Okaran’s aren’t assigned to any one person, rather to a situation, they go where necessary. They are typically described as stubborn and headstrong. Their mission is to make sure good wins over evil, using what ever means necessary.” “Well Cordie fits that description.” Said Dawn. “Yes, I can see way they’d call Cordelia for such a job.” Agreed Wes. “They are opposed by Quikaran, essentially angles of darkness. Often the two fight over a situation, each trying to help their… opponent I suppose, win the fight. That’s why those called to be an Okaran are typically hard edged, because they are often in direct opposition to the Quikaran.” “So what does that mean?” asked Buffy. “To become either an Okaran or a Quikaran, you must be tested. One test is faithfulness, how dedicated you are to the fight, the second test if responsibility, can you handle the power you will be given, the third test is sacrifice. I believe that’s why Cordelia was taken when she was, her sacrifice was to give up love.” “Right.” Said Buffy, slightly confused. “So this means?” “Cordelia never loved Angel.” Said Lorne. “See the powers set up her and Angel to become a couple, fall madly in love yada yada yada. That’s why they ended up at the opera that night, they were meant to be possessed by those spirits.” “But how could they know?” asked Fred. “We didn’t even know we were going there until the last minute.” “Exactly.” Said Lorne. “They set you up. You think Angel just happened across those tickets? No, he was meant to buy them. So, all goes as planned, then Groo comes back.” “What grew?” asked Buffy. “The Groosalug.” Said Fred. “Who grew a slug?” “No one. He’s a person.” “Oh,” said Buffy, still confused. “Can I continue?” asked Lorne. “Anyway, Groo came back, big spanner in the works because Cordie really did love him. Turns out though, it wasn’t true love on her part. Also turns out that Groo wasn’t very susceptible to the powers wants. He did love Cordie but he could also see what the powers had tried to build between her and Angel. I think he’s a little psychic, I’d love to talk to him about that.” “Ahem!” coughed Buffy. “Right, moving right alone. Groo got in the way; he could feel it too and he left. Leaving the powers no option but to go back to plan A and convince Cordie she loved Angel. Took some doing though, let me tell you. They had to show her this huge vision of herself declaring her love for Angel before anything the powers had been doing made any impact.” “So then what?” asked Dawn. “Then she goes to meet him, declare her love and is stopped before she gets there and given the choice, Angel or helping fight the good fight.” “So she didn’t choose Angel.” Said Wes. “Right, she chose to help. Then she was taken above, changed into an Okaran and the rest is history.” “So why does Angel still love her?” asked Buffy. “Well he always did.” Said Lorne. “Like a sister. Cordie explained that, after she went, his feelings were supposed to leave, it had been a test for her, nothing more. Unfortunately he had to get dumped in the ocean and the starvation affected him. He never got the message that he didn’t love her.” “So he still loves her but he doesn’t really?” asked Dawn. “Right, he’s been made to feel like he loves her, but he doesn’t.” Buffy stood up to relieve some tension. Her blood was boiling. How dare they! She turned back, her anger barely masked. “So we’re just little puppets to them huh? They can fool with our feelings and crap in the middle in peoples lives when ever they feel like it?!” Lorne really didn’t want to piss of an already upset slayer. “That’d be one to ask them.” “So what happens now?” asked Dawn. “How do we get Angel to stop loving Cordelia?” “I don’t know, exactly. She told me I had to read him, that’s all she’d say.” “So do it.” Said Buffy. “Lets see if it’s true.” Buffy sat on the roof of the hyperion, looking out over the city. “You OK?” asked Dawn. Buffy shrugged but didn’t turn to her. Dawn sat beside her, looking out over the city with her. “Must be hard.” Again Buffy shrugged. “I mean, here’s the love of your life, in love with someone else, but then he isn’t really but he doesn’t know it.” “Dawn.” Buffy warned. “Just talk to me Buffy.” “I don’t know what to say.” “Say how you feel.” “I feel hurt, and used, and like I want to kill something.” “Well Gunn’s going out to kill these demons soon, you could kill them.” “I don’t think that’ll make much difference.” “Why not?” “Because the people I want to kill, I can’t. The powers, where do they get off treating people like that? Using us?” she paused. “I just feel like I don’t want to work for people who would do that, play with our feelings for their own ends.” “Maybe it was for good reasons.” “Maybe it wasn’t, maybe it’s just because they can.” Dawn didn’t really have a reply for that. “Will you be OK?” “Probably. I’ll bounce back, like I always have, I’ll slay, I’ll fight, I’ll die and come back, and I’ll carry on fighting in the hope that one day it’ll all be over. The hope that one day I’ll stay dead and out of the reach of the powers or witchcraft or…” she began crying and Dawn pulled her into a hug. Buffy still sat on the roof long after the sun set. The cold didn’t bother her though, it just matched her pain. “Buffy?” “Angel.” She said, not turning around. “Can I join you?” “Free country.” He sat beside her. Buffy didn’t speak; she didn’t know what to say. “Lorne told me.” He said. Buffy nodded, figuring he had. “I don’t know what to say.” He told her. “Me either.” They sat silently for a while until Buffy was compelled to ask. “So, do you still love her?” Angel sighed. “How do I answer that?” “Yes or no would be good.” “I…” “Angel.” She stopped him. “I’ve put up with a lot. I forgave you when you turned evil, I forgave you killing Miss Calendar, I accepted you leaving. Now all I ask is for the truth. Do you love her?” “Yes.” Buffy’s tears rolled down her cheeks. “I always will Buffy, she was a huge part of my life, she was like family. I’ll never forget her. But I’m not in love with her, not in that way. Not any more.” Buffy didn’t dare hope it was true. “So what happened?” she asked. “Lorne, he told me what he said Cordie had told him. It made sense. Those spirits… Then he read me and Wes did what he called a cleansing ritual, to rid me of the spirits feelings.” “So you’re all, like, over her now?” she asked, harshly. “Buffy, please this isn’t easy.” “I know.” She sobbed. Angel reached his hand out but pulled back before he touched her. “I’m sorry you had to find out this way.” “I’m just sorry.” “Buffy, I can’t do anything to make this right, but I do still care about you… I love you.” Buffy’s tears fell harder. “Why are you crying?” he asked. “I… What made you think you could have a relationship with her, but not with me?” “What?” “You were going to tell her you loved her that night. Why could you be with her, but you had to leave me for the same reason?” “I just wanted someone.” He said, as his own tears flowed. “I couldn’t be alone any more. I didn’t care if I hurt her, I didn’t care what happened, I just didn’t want to be alone. Ever since I left Sunnydale there’s been this huge gap, a hole in my life. Then when you died it grew, because I knew I could never have you, never again. When I began to feel for Cordie, I didn’t want to loose her like I lost you. I couldn’t do it again.” Buffy knew that feeling well. She leaned her head to the side until it rested on his shoulder. Neither spoke again. Connor watched as they sat together. He had listened to the conversation this morning, he knew everything. He just couldn’t understand why she kept forgiving him. He was hurting her, he always did. She would be better off if she never saw him again, then she could carry on with her life instead of being pulled back to him, time after time. Buffy and Angel didn’t return inside the hotel until dawn approached. There had been more tears and more revelations and an uneasy peace settled between them. Buffy wasn’t sure how she felt any more. She knew she hated the powers even more now than she ever had before. They weren’t just standing by, ignoring her pain. They were helping cause it now. As for Angel though… Well that one had never been easy. Buffy hugged him at her bedroom door and tried to get some sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter 8 Buffy awoke about lunchtime and lay in her bed for a while, trying to figure out what happened now. Angel had said he didn’t want to risk loosing someone again, did that mean he wanted her now? He had still sent her away after he got better, but then he had still had feelings for Cordelia then. So did that mean that he had put his feelings for Cordie above his feelings for her? He would rather be with her than Buffy? Or was she making a mountain out of a molehill? Over thinking things and making them even more complex than they really were? She laughed at that thought, how could things possibly get more complicated between her and Angel? A quiet knocking came at the door. “Buffy, you awake?” came Dawns voice softly. “I’m up.” she called back. Dawn came in with a tray. “Thought you might be hungry, you didn’t eat much yesterday.” She said, laying the tray of toast, coffee and cereal on Buffy’s lap. “Thanks Dawnie. Anything happening today?” “Nah, that demon infestation from yesterday turned out to be blocked plumbing.” “Is Angel up?” “Kinda. He’s… weird.” “Weird?” “Yeah, all… well, jumpy, and he’s asking everyone if they’re OK, and how you are and…” “And what?” “Well he asked me if you’d… if I thought you’d stay here.” “How long?” “He didn’t say.” “What did you tell him?” “I told him I didn’t know.” She answered truthfully. “Anything else?” “Connor’s MIA.” “Since when?” “No one’s seen him since yesterday.” Buffy’s features creased with worry. “Are they looking for him?” “Well they’ve called a few places but they say the thing with Connor is, if he doesn’t want to be found, you wont find him.” Buffy certainly had no idea where to look. “Can I say something Buffy?” “I have a feeling you’ll tell me anyway.” Teased Buffy. “Well that’s what sisters are for. But, I was thinking… You and Angel, you were good together.” “But that’s history Dawn.” “But does it have to be? I mean isn’t there any way?” Buffy took a deep breath. “I don’t know. Angel and I… we’re…” “You were great together.” “But it doesn’t end there. And even if I did want to try again, he might not.” Dawn pouted. “Don’t worry kiddo, you’ve got all this nice relationship stuff to come.” Buffy smiled. Buffy was drying her hair after a shower when another knock came on the door. “Come in.” she called. She could see Dawn appearing to push something into her room from the mirror. She turned to see it was Angel being manhandled into the room. Turning the dryer off she asked, “Dawn, what is this?” “He wants to try again too, he told me.” Buffy looked to Angel. “Is that true?” “It is, he told me.” Dawn confirmed. “Now, you both need to talk. And if I see either of you coming out of this room before things are resolved, I have a nice big axe from Angles collection waiting for you.” Then she turned and left, closing the door behind her. Buffy didn’t know where to start. Neither did Angel by all appearances. “Is it true?” she finally asked again, unable to meet his gaze. “I’ve been thinking, ever since last night. I… Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did. There isn’t a day goes by I don’t miss you or want you. Sometimes I think I made the wrong decision, that we were supposed to stay together.” “And what do you think now?” “I still think us is unfair to you.” “Please tell me there’s a but coming.” “But…” He smiled slightly. “I also realise you didn’t really have a choice, I never gave you the choice.” “So what are you saying?” “I’m saying I still want you, if you still want me.” Buffy was about to speak but Angel held up his hand to stop her. “Don’t answer now. I want you to think first. It’ll mean giving up any hope of children, a sex life, picnics in the sun.” he paused. “I don’t want this if you haven’t thought everything through. If we do this, we both do it with our eyes wide open.” “Fair enough.” Buffy took a deep breath. “I’m 21 Angel, I’ve died twice already. Family and children don’t really feature in my vision of the future. Even if I wanted them, it’d be cruel to have one and die when they’re still a baby. Plus, just think about another Dawn!” she joked. “As for sunlight, it’s highly over rated. I mean sun burn, skin cancer, not pretty.” “I’m not kidding Buffy.” “I realise that.” She said, becoming serious again. “I’m trying to say that what I’d have to give up, isn’t that much compared to what I’d gain. I know what you and I mean, I know what I’m getting into.” “Do you? Really?” “Haven’t we had this conversation? I know a lot more than I did back then Angel. I know what us means, I know the risks and I know the pitfalls.” “Is that a yes?” Buffy smiled softly. “It’s a yes… on one condition.” “What?” “If you ever get to feeling that us isn’t good for me again, give me a choice.” Angel nodded and walked over to her. Buffy stood and embraced him. She felt him smell her hair as he grip her so tightly that she might have broken had she not been a slayer. Then Buffy realised he was crying. “God I missed you.” He said. “I missed you so much.” Buffy felt her own tears prick her eyes. “Me too.” Buffy wasn’t quite sure where things went from here. Did she move to LA, did he come back to Sunnydale? Maybe they were supposed to commute. Was this why Cordie had wanted her to stay? Or was there something else. After Angel left to return to his room, she decided to find out. After asking Gunn where he was, she knocked on Lorne’s door. “Enter.” He called lightly. Buffy walked in. “Well hello. Someone looks happier.” “Yeah.” Said Buffy. “What can I do for you sweet cheeks?” “I was wondering if you’d do a reading for me.” “Shakespeare, Poe?” “No, a psychic reading. The others said you were good.” “Sure sugar. What is it you want to know?” “Well Angel and I are kind of on again. I just need to know is it’s the right thing, and what happens next.” “That sounds doable. Why don’t you give me a few verses?” “Verses?” “Sing.” “I have to sing?” “That’s how I get a reading. Nothing fancy, just a nursery rhyme will do.” Buffy shrugged, she supposed she had done worse things. And after the whole singing extravaganza in Sunnydale recently, she was more used to singing. “OK, here goes…” she sang the Nickelback song, How You Remind Me. It was the first thing she could think of. Lorne stopped her after two verses. “What?” Buffy asked. “Don’t worry, things are just as they should be.” “What does that mean?” “It means you’re on the right path. Things are going to get rocky though, watch out.” “What’s going to happen?” “I’m not a mind reader, nor a fortune teller. I just see the paths people are supposed to take. When things get rough, just use your instincts, go with it and you’ll be fine.” “So you can’t tell me?” “If I told you, you wouldn’t react the same. Just trust in yourself. I think that’s something you haven’t been doing lately.” “But Angel and I?” “Are supposed to be together. You needed to be apart for a while but it’s time to correct that now.” “Oh. OK.” “Something dramatic.” Said Dawn. “Dramatic?” “Yes, you need to make a grand gesture now, show her how much you love her.” Angel sat down. “Like what?” “Um, flowers, candy…” “See, not that easy.” He smiled as she ran out of ideas. “I’ve got it. First you take her to the theatre, then to a late dinner at a restaurant, then rent the honeymoon sweet somewhere.” “I’m not sure that would be Buffy’s thing.” “It’s every woman’s thing. Trust me Angel, she’ll appreciate the gesture.” Angel considered the idea. “I’ll tell you what. You take Buffy dress shopping, nothing to grand but defiantly evening ware.” “So you’ll do it?” “No, I’ll do it my way, you just take care of the dress.” Buffy had no idea what to expect as she got ready. Dawn had tried to force her into a red satin gown but Buffy thought that too showy. She had settled on a black, full length dress with spaghetti straps and a split in the skirt. She thought she looked presentable. She finished her makeup and sprayed on a light perfume when there was a knock on the door. Probably Dawn coming to check Buffy looked suitably glamorous. “Come in.” she called, but no one entered. Buffy went to the door and opened it. Lying in front of the door was a red rose. Buffy stepped out into the hall. “Angel?” she called. She looked left, then right for him. To the right lay another rose, about ten feet away. Buffy smiled, thinking this must be a breadcrumb trail. She picked up the first rose, then walked to the next rose and collected it before heading on to the next, and the next. Thirteen roses later she was at the door to the roof. She pushed it open to see the roof was surrounded with church candles of all different sizes. There must have been hundreds, all flickering gently in the light evening breeze. It created a warm light and matched the magic of the starlight. Softly playing in the background, Buffy could also hear Love Letters by Elvis. Buffy stepped out onto the roof. Angel stood, smiling at her, dressed in a tux and another rose in his grasp. He walked over to her and handed her the final rose. “Angel, this is just… How did you do it all?” “Wasn’t hard.” Buffy smiled warmly at him. “You needn’t have gone to all this trouble.” “It’s worth it all just to see that smile.” Buffy’s smile widened. It was true; she hadn’t smiled like this in a long while. “Shall I take those?” Angel asked. Buffy handed him the roses. “Why 14?” she asked, perplexed it wasn’t the usual dozen. “It took thirteen to get you here, but that’s an unlucky number. I don’t want us to have any bad luck.” Tears pricked at Buffy’s eyes. “Waitress.” Angel called, causing Dawn to come running out from behind Buffy. She smiled brightly at them both, took the roses and silently left them. Angel walked to a table Buffy hadn’t noticed yet and picked up two champagne flutes. Buffy noticed that a small, old fashioned sofa stood beside the table. He handed one flute to Buffy. “You’re amazing.” she said, sipping her drink. “Not half as amazing as you.” He said, reaching his hand out and cupping her cheek, softly stroking it with his thumb. Buffy leaned into the touch. “But I want to get serious for a moment if I can.” Buffy’s smile faltered, she knew this couldn’t last. She looked down at her glass. Angel placed his finger under her chin and tilted her head up. “Don’t be sad.” He implored. Buffy’s brave face came back and she smiled at him. “We can never go back to what we had,” he began. “I realise that. We’ve moved on, we’re different people now.” Buffy nodded her agreement. “I hope that now we can move on, to something new, something stronger.” He looked down and fumbled in his pocket. “I don’t know if you remember this.” He said, looking into her confused eyes. “I’m not trying to go back with this gesture, just… it’s a symbol of my devotion to you… To us.” He held his hand out and lying in the palm was her claddagh ring. “Oh my god, Angel… where did you find this?” “In the mansion, where you… I kept it, hoping this day might come.” Buffy picked the ring up and handed it back to him, holding her left hand out so he could place it on her finger. He did, heart pointing inwards. “There’s something else. We have to be honest with each other and there’s something I haven’t told you.” Again, Buffy’s expression of happiness became forced. Angel led her to the sofa and sat her down, sitting beside her and taking her free hand. “It’s not bad news Buffy, it’s good. The best. But I want you to remember firstly that I’m immortal. What I’m going to tell you could happen tomorrow, or in two hundred years. There’s no way to tell. That’s why I haven’t told you before, I didn’t want to give you false hope.” “Angel, what is it?” “A prophecy, about me…” he paused, seeming to collect his thoughts. “Wes found it, it says that once I’ve paid my penance for my crimes, and averted the apocalypse, I’ll become human.” Buffy’s jaw dropped. “H… Human.” She looked away. “I can’t… human.” She repeated softly. “But we don’t know when.” He reminded her. Buffy took a deep breath, then a few sips of champagne, before looking back at him, grinning. “I understand. But just the possibility is enough Angel. You don’t know how many times I’ve thought about it, dreamed about it.” She saw his concern and squeezed his hand. “Don’t worry.” She reassured him. “I appreciate what you’re saying. I wont put all my eggs in this basket.” She hugged him. “I’m just so happy for you.” She sobbed. “It’s what you’ve always wanted.” Angel hugged her back, relishing the contact. They stayed on the roof for a long time, sipping champagne and talking or listening to the love songs playing. Then Angel asked her to dance and led her to the middle of the roof. He gently took her in his arms and she rested her head against his chest as they swayed softly to the music. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ******************** Chapter 9 Buffy felt like she was floating as she turned over in bed the next morning to look at her sleeping Angel. She wasn’t foolish enough to think that all their problems were behind them; indeed they had some major ones to face immediately, such as living arrangements. The difference today though, was that she was certain they could overcome them. No obstacle was too great. He looked back to perfect health now, his face had filled out and the harsh angles on his body and been smoothed. She would have to do Wesley’s tests on him soon, she shouldn’t forget about them. She lay staring at him for a while longer before finally getting out of bed. She knew Angel would sleep for a while longer so she headed down to breakfast. Buffy walked back into the bedroom lightly humming Eric Claptons, The Way You Look Tonight from last night. She carried a fresh glass of blood for Angel, knowing he would wake soon and her wash bag. The tune on her lips abruptly stopped and the glass slipped from her fingers at the sight before her. Angel’s hands were tied to the bed and he was pooled in gasoline. She could smell it. Her gaze followed the pool of gas to a stream, running off the bed to a pair of feet. As though in slow motion, her gaze rose, taking in first the lighter, then the face. “Connor!” She cried. His expression was hard and challenging. “Connor, don’t do this.” She implored him. “Buffy, get out of here.” Angel cautioned her. Buffy looked from Connor to Angel. “Not without you.” She said firmly, turning back to Connor. “Please, don’t do this Connor.” “I have to.” He said, his voice ragged with rage. “No, you don’t, we can talk about this. Talk to me.” “He’s bad for you. He’ll use you and hurt you and leave you. This is the only way to end it.” “NO! It isn’t. He wont hurt me Connor. I trust him.” “You’re a fool to trust him. You can’t see it, you’ve been blinded by him.” “Let her go Connor.” Said Angel. “This is between you and me.” Connor looked back towards Angel. “This is your fault!” he cried. “You… You just take what you want and you don’t care who you hurt. I wont let you hurt her again.” “I wont hurt her. I promise Connor.” Connor shook his head. Tears began spilling from his eyes but his fury hadn’t abated. “All you do is hurt her! You can’t see it, nor can she. You aren’t what she needs.” “And you are?” Angel asked. “I’d be better for her than you!” he shouted back. “She needs someone who can care for her, look after her.” “And you can do that?” Angel challenged. “Angel.” Buffy warned, afraid that he would push Connor too far. “I couldn’t be worse than you!” Buffy took a step towards Connor. “Connor, listen to me.” He looked back at Buffy. “Stay where you are!” he said, brandishing the lighter. “I will, I’ll stay right here. But you have to listen to me. OK?” Connor nodded. “I care about you Connor, I care a lot.” She explained in a steady voice. “I want to see you happy. I know you’ve had a crappy life and I’d like to make it better. But I don’t feel that way about you.” Connor began crying harder. “Please Connor. I do love you, but not in that way.” “But you can love him!” “I do love him. I can’t explain it; I don’t know why I feel one way about someone and not someone else. But what ever you do now,” she took another step closer. “Wont change how I feel about him.” Another step. “No, NO!” “Yes. I’m sorry Connor, I can’t love you that way. I love you like a child, like I love Dawn.” Another step, now she was standing in the gasoline. “Doing this wont accomplish anything Connor.” She continued. “Please, stop this.” Connor broke down sobbing, falling to the floor. Buffy was on him in a second, flipping the lighter closed and extinguishing the flame before she cradled Connors sobbing form to her, cooing softly to him. Dawn finally came in, shocked by what she saw to say the least. At Buffy’s silent gestures she untied Angel and they left. Gunn, Fred, Angel and Dawn came back and began stripping the bed and cleaning the floor. Connor didn’t seem to notice, he just lay in Buffy’s arms, crying. Buffy came down stairs early evening, exhausted. “Hey.” Greeted Angel. “How is he?” “Sleeping, finally.” She said, slumping on one of the seats in the lobby. “I left Gunn with him, he’ll tell us if he wakes up.” Angel nodded. “I’m sorry you can’t be with him.” Said Buffy. “I understand, I’d just make things worse.” “It isn’t your fault. He was raised in hell by your arch enemy.” Angel sat beside her. “Somehow that doesn’t help.” “I know.” They were silent for a long while until Angel asked. “What happens now?” “I don’t know. I guess we try and help him.” Angel nodded. “I called Wesley, asked if he knew of anything that could help.” “That’s good.” She said, pleased they were healing their rift. “He’ll be here tomorrow morning with what he’s been able to dig up.” Buffy could feel her eyelids drooping. “You want to sleep?” he asked. Buffy shook her head. “I’ll take over from Gunn in a while.” “Coffee?” “Mmm, that’s a good idea.” Angel returned a few moment later with a mug of steaming coffee for her. She accepted the mug and took a sip. “You remembered.” She smiled. “Two sugars and lots of cream. I’d never forget. Turn around.” He said, pushing her shoulders until her back was to him. He began massaging her shoulders. Buffy hadn’t realised how tense she was until his fingers began working the knots out of the muscles in her shoulders, she began to relax and moan. “Mmm, That feels so good.” She encouraged. After a few minutes Angel asked. “Do you think he really loves you?” Buffy was glad she didn’t have to look into Angles eyes for this conversation. “I don’t know.” She answered truthfully. “He might. Or he might just not know what he’s feeling.” “How so?” Buffy placed a hand on his to stop his massaging her, then she leaned back into him. Angel kissed the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her. “Well he’s 16,” said Buffy. “Slap bang in the middle of puberty. Add to that he was raised in a hell dimension where I doubt they had women.” “Well…” “Not the two legged, two eyes, two breasted kind anyway.” “Mmm.” He agreed. “I’m the first woman Connor’s ever connected to, he does have feelings for me. I just don’t think he knows what those feelings are.” They were silent for a moment. “I don’t think I should carry on trying to help him.” said Buffy. “Why not?” “Because it’s causing problems. One, his feelings for me. I just don’t feel right about it. And then I’m not qualified, at all for this. I can’t even raise Dawn very well.” Angel kissed the top of her head again. “I think you’d hurt him more if you severed contact.” “Maybe.” “Truth is Buffy, I think you’re the only person who can help him. he respects you, looks up to you. And if he is just misguided about his feelings towards you, he’ll learn how to deal with it.” Buffy considered all Angel had said as she lay down on Connors floor. Maybe she could help him. But then again maybe she’d just screw him up further. ‘Just trust in yourself.’ Lorne’s words came back to her. Perhaps this was the rough time he had spoken of. Maybe she should help Connor, and if she trusted herself and her instincts, it would work out. Then again, that was a lot of maybes. Although sleeping, Buffy was still alert for any noise or movement and as soon as Connor woke up, she sat up. “Connor?” she asked. There was no reply but as her eyes adjusted to the dim room, she saw him lying in bed. He was awake and as she looked at him, he closed his eyes and looked away. Buffy sat beside him on the bed. He starred blankly ahead, his covers pulled right up to his neck. “Wanna talk?” she asked. He blinked rapidly but didn’t answer. “OK, I’ll talk.” She said, wondering where to start. “Firstly Connor, I want you to know that I love you, you’re my family. And if you ever need me, I will always be here for you. Always.” She paused. “Now, the way you feel about me. I’m sorry I don’t feel the same way. I can’t love you romantically, I’m sorry. That doesn’t mean we can’t be friends though. You’re young, you have your whole life ahead of you and the right girl is out there, waiting for you.” She paused again. “What you did yesterday was wrong. You shouldn’t have done it. You risked all out lives over a vendetta and I do not want to see you fire bomb your self for something so petty. Understood?” she asked. Connor closed his eyes. “Good.” She said, taking that as a yes. She reached into his covers and pulled his hand out, holding it in both of hers. “Now, I want to put yesterday behind us, move on, forward. No one holds it against you and everyone just wants to forget it ever happened. OK?” No reply. “Well you can lie here all day if you want, or you can come down to breakfast with me. Your choice. I just have one final thing to ask. Don’t you ever run off again. If you need time alone, that’s fine, I wont get in your way. Just tell us where you’re going. I care about you and I worry about you. If you feel like running again, please don’t. Talk to me. I don’t want to loose you Connor. Will you promise not to run off again?” He nodded his head slightly. Buffy smiled and brushed his hair put of his face. “Thank you.” Then she stood up. “I’m heading down, you coming?” she asked. “Yo… you’re not mad about…” “Yesterday? I’m mad as Hell, it was stupid, foolish and irresponsible and I’m ashamed that you did it.” she said, her tone harsh. “But I also think I understand why you did it. It was still wrong but I don’t blame you.” Connor smiled slightly. “Do it again though and I will kick you ass. That was your get out of jail free card, you wont get another.” Wesley came over later that day to speak to Buffy. His advice was simple, be a parent. Don’t be too hard on him, but also, don’t be too lenient. “Connor needs boundaries.” He explained. “Being soft on him will do as much damage as being too harsh.” “So just be a good parent?” Buffy said. “Essentially yes. I realise you probably don’t have much faith in your parenting skills, but you are probably better than you realise.” Buffy rolled her eyes. “I doubt that.” “Look at Dawn.” He said. “She’s had an unusual start in life but she seems to be turning out OK.” “She’s a klepto, her grades were falling, she almost got vamped by her first boyfriend… What do I know?” “But look at her now.” He said. “Her grades are back up, she isn’t stealing any more. Things have been tough, on both of you, but over all, you’re on course to raise a bright young woman there. It’s hardly surprising she acted out given recent events. Don’t be too hard on yourself.” Buffy shrugged. “Here. I also brought some books on my way over that might help.” Buffy took the four books. The Teenager and You, Teenagers and Tantrums, How to be a Good Parent, and Parenting 101 - Everything you need to raise a well rounded child. “Wow, didn’t know parenting came with homework.” She joked. Wes smiled warmly at her. “You will be OK Buffy.” “I know. Thanks, for all your help.” The next few weeks were tense. Connor didn’t leave his room for the first week, Buffy brought him all his meals and worked out with him in there. The next week he still didn’t want to see anyone but Buffy talked him into a day out with her and Dawn. They went to the beach, played ball, swam, played a few arcade games and ate sandwiches with sand in. Connor seemed to have fun. He was still surly, but a couple of times he cracked a smile. He hadn’t wanted to play though. “Play is a distraction.” He told her. “Yes it is.” She agreed. “And right now we all need a distraction. You can’t work and fight and train all the time.” He agreed to play catch. After lunch they walked down the pier, just being a family. Buffy wished with all her heart than Angel could be there, this was his family really, not hers. But this was the best thing she could do for him, try and help Connor. The next day Fred joined them at the movies and for Pizza. Then the next day Gunn and Wes took the place of Fred and Dawn as they went hiking outside the city. After that, Connor began to venture out of his room at the hotel. Buffy and Angel lay in bed, thinking about stuff. It was nearly time for the new school year to start and that meant Buffy had to return to Sunnydale. Angel realised that while Dawn could transfer to a local school here, Buffy couldn’t leave the Hell Mouth for too long. All was quiet for now but how long would that last? “We’ll have weekends.” Buffy reassured him. “We can alternate, you come to me one week, I’ll come to you the next.” But she knew his real concerns were about Connor. Neither wanted to broach the subject though. Angel didn’t want to loose his son, and Buffy didn’t want to take his son away from him. So they lay there, neither really saying what had to be said. Connor now had contact with his father, although it was limited and the two hadn’t spent any time alone. Angel was OK with that. He couldn't hope for anything with Connor any more so he took what he could get, how ever he could get it. “Connor’s doing well.” Buffy said. “He’s much happier I think.” Angel took a deep breath. “You should take him with you.” He said. Buffy couldn’t look him in the eye. “Maybe you could enrol him in school with Dawn.” He suggested. “I don’t think he’s really a school type.” They lay silently for a while longer. “We still have three days until I have to go.” Buffy said. “Let’s think about it, talk again later.” The next morning Connor, Angel and Buffy worked out together. Both men had been reluctant to be in such close quarters but Buffy had other reasons here. Her hope was that by pushing them together for the next three days, they would form some kind of connection, there by leaving her free to leave and not take Connor. The session was tense but no one made any snide remarks and the fighting was professional. Buffy was often amazed at how alike they were, their movements were synchronised, like they had trained together for weeks, perfecting a routine. They finished their workout and headed up to the lobby. “Anyone want a drink?” Buffy asked, heading towards the kitchen. “Yeah, I’d love a…” before Connor could finish a strong wind blew through the lobby, bringing Gunn and Fred running out of the office. Then the noise started, like thunder, crackling again and again. Dawn appeared at the top of the stairs shortly afterwards. “What’s going on!” she shouted, but no one was able to hear her. Everyone stood ready for attack. Just then, the thunder like noise stopped and a loud pop sounded as Cordelia appeared in the middle of the lobby. “Hi guys.” She beamed. *********************************** Chapter 10 “Cordelia?” asked Buffy. “Yep, it’s me. Now I don’t have long. They gave me five minutes with you, and for that I have to work every holiday for the next two years.” “What are you doing here?” Angel asked. “Well I have a message for you which I thought best delivered in person, plus I wanted to congratulate you two. You make a great couple. Plus I should probably apologise for the powers love thing.” “Why spoil the habit of a life time. What’s the message?” asked Buffy. “Still all work and no play, I see.” Cordie said to the others present. “If you only have five minutes, yes, it is all work.” Buffy persisted. “OK. You have to stay here Buffy.” “What about the Hell Mouth?” “Don’t worry about… OUCH!” she looked up at the ceiling, rubbing her head. “I wasn’t going to tell her!” she continued staring up. “Well it hurts so stop it!” She looked back to the others. “They have this headache thing they do when you displease them.” She explained. “It’s not nice.” “So I have to stay here?” asked Buffy. “Yeah, in a few days it should all be clear, plans are in motion to protect the hell mouth. You will soon be needed here though. And although it pains me to say it, it would not be pretty if you left.” “Oh.” “Yeah. Well I’m fine thanks for asking.” “Sorry,” said Angel. “What’s it like up there?” “Awful. They order you around, make you wear while all the time AND they don’t have cappuccino!” “Must be tough.” Said Gunn. “It is. I’m trying to get the uniforms redesigned in a Gucci style with less scratchy material, but it’s taking some time.” “Other than that?” asked Fred. “Well, I do get to float, and see in the future.” “So how does your job work?” asked Dawn. “Well, I’m given a situation, told what outcome I have to make happen, then it’s up to me. I shouldn’t really be here in person so, say if I had to keep Buffy here, without telling her in person, I’d do something like make Dawn ill, or as you were about to leave, I’d have a demon attack, something like that. Which is why I have to see into the future, so I can plan these things.” Cordie looked to Connor. “You look good.” She smiled. “I’ve been keeping an eye on you, you’re becoming a very handsome young man.” Connor blushed and looked at the floor. She looked up at the ceiling again before turning back to them. “They say I have to go now.” She said sadly. “But I’ll be keeping an eye on you. If you need me, I’ll probably already be here.” “Take care.” Said Buffy. “I will. And you two are going to have such beautiful kids. OWW! Stop that!” “No, I will not! Do it again and I’m gonna ram that stick you carry so far up your ….” She faded out as she spoke. “Well, least her leaving wasn’t as dramatic as her entrance.” Said Fred, looking at the papers, strewn all over the office. “Children?” said Buffy softly. Buffy explained what she knew to Xander, which wasn’t much. He agreed to her staying a little longer, as long as things got sorted soon. It wasn’t a very good idea to have an unguarded hell mouth. Buffy agreed, and reassured him she would come running if anything happened. Dawn was enrolled in Hemmery High, Buffy’s old school. Buffy also sent for a few more things from Sunnydale. If she was going to be living here now, she wanted her stuff with her. She wasn’t 100% sure she’d stay here. She couldn’t be sure until she knew what was happening with the hell mouth. Cordelia’s word just wasn’t enough. Thankfully the answer came a few days later with Wesley. He and Angel had become friends again, often sharing a late night drink in the kitchen. Buffy was proud of Angel. She knew it wasn’t easy for him to forgive Wes, plus he didn’t have the benefit of being on the outside to see that Wesley’s intentions were only ever good. Still, they seemed to have a relationship again. Buffy often wondered why they always drank together. Neither normally drank. She eventually came to the conclusion that either it enabled them to talk more freely or, if they said too much, it was an excuse the next morning. It was at one of these late night talks the next day that the powers plan began to form. Buffy was about to leave then for the night when Wes asked her to stay. “I should tell both of you this.” He said. Buffy took a seat and listened. “I’ve been visiting Faith of late.” He began. Angels eyes widened in shock. “You have?” Wes nodded. “I don’t really understand it myself. I just… To begin with I think I went just to see her. How she was getting on, coping what the things she’d done. It turned out that we actually aren’t all that dissimilar.” He paused before continuing. “I just thought I should warn you really, she’s up for parole. Her hearing is on Monday.” Angel smiled. “That’s good news.” Buffy wasn’t quite so happy. “Wow.” Was all she said. “I understand you have reservations Buffy, as did I at first. But I do believe she has changed, she wants to make up for her crimes now.” “Right.” Said Buffy, non committaly. “I know it isn’t easy to believe Buffy, but she was lost, frightened. She felt like she had no one, then after the deputy mayor was killed, it sent her over the edge.” “Look, Wes, I’m not down on her getting out, just cautious. As you should be.” “Perhaps. However I have offered her a place to stay, with me, that should help her case at the hearing. I also offered a character reference.” “Wes, she tortured you!” said Buffy. Wesley nodded. “I know, I was there.” “And you’re still doing this?” “Yes. She needs help. I might be being foolish, on the other hand, I could be right.” “Well…” Buffy took a deep breath then looked into Wesley’s eyes. “I hope things work out.” She said sincerely. “I really do.” “Thank you Buffy. I appreciate it.” “It’s time I went to sleep. Have fun.” She said, kissing Angel lightly as she left. Faith was granted Parole and moved in with Wesley. A week later they relocated back to Sunnydale to protect the hell mouth. Shortly afterwards, Willow returned to America, recovered though still grieving. She transferred to UCLA to complete her degree. Dawn got on well in school, making friends easily and doing well with her grades. Connor was home schooled by Fred and Angel. His relationship with Angel was complex, but slowly they were reaching an understanding. Connors crush on Buffy had been just misguided feelings. He hadn’t met the right woman yet, but Buffy was sure one day he would. Slowly, life at the hotel resumed some order. Buffy worked in the business and was eternally grateful not to be flipping burgers any more. They became a well oiled fighting team. It wasn’t until nearly 8 months later that things began getting bad. The signs were all there. The beast arose in LA and the first manifested itself in Sunnydale. The apocalypse was here. Not just any apocalypse though, this was the end of goodness. The reign of evil was about to begin if they couldn’t stop it. Buffy also discovered that she was the reason. If she hadn’t been brought back from the dead, the first wouldn’t have been able to manifest. Ying and yang. Connor was the reason for the beast’s appearance. A warrior for good, a warrior for evil. Ying and yang. They put these thoughts behind them though, they had other things to worry about. The fight was fought all over the world, although the biggest battles were in Sunnydale and LA. It was long and bloody. Casualties around the world must have totalled thousands. The Battle of Peace it came to be named, it was anything but peaceful though. As the first was finally defeated, the beast killed and the final binding spell performed, the sun broke through over the west coast. This was the light that would cleanse the world of evil. The first was gone. The only thing mankind had to worry about for a while was it’s own evil, the evil than men do. Angel was unprepared for the light since the sun didn’t rise slowly, the cloud suddenly broke and sunlight swamped them. Bathed in sunlight he cried out and fell to his knees. He was too exposed, there was nowhere to run. Buffy immediately jumped on him, shielding him with what she could of her body. She called for blankets, coats, anything they could find to protect her love. Although bloody and battered, everyone struggled to help shield him. He was unconscious when they finally had enough covering to move him. They took him straight back to the hotel and into his bed. Buffy sat beside him, knowing there was nothing she could do. He didn’t look hurt by the sun, but she couldn’t explain his state, why didn’t he wake up? For three days and nights she sat beside his bed, holding his hand, reading to him, doing anything she could to wake him. None of it helped. Connor visited frequently. On the second day he began crying. “Don’t die.” He said. “I’m sorry, I don’t want you to go. Not yet… Dad… Wake up.” Still nothing. By day four, Buffy was running out of hope. Her wounds were slowly healing but her eyes were red from crying, she was weak from lack of food and she was out of options. Everyone had done everything they could. Every possible option from magic to medicine had been explored. On the fourth evening Buffy climbed into bed with him, as she had the last three nights and curled up beside him, her head resting on his chest. Eventually she fell asleep there, as she had done every other night. The change wasn’t immediately obvious. In fact Buffy didn’t notice at first. She awoke and looked up at his face, which remained unchanged. She got out of bed and headed for the bathroom to wash up. It wasn’t until she returned that she noticed it. Sitting by his bed again she took his hand. It was warm. It wasn’t unusual for him to absorb some of her body heat when they slept together, but it usually faded quickly. She looked closer at him. Then she noticed the colour in his cheeks and the movement, tiny and barely noticeable but his chest was definitely rising and falling. Buffy’s hands shook and she turned his wrist over. Clumsily she felt for a pulse. It took three tries but eventually she could feel it, faintly pumping against her fingers. “CONNOR! DAWN!” she yelled, shaking Angel, trying to wake him up. “Buffy?” asked Dawn as she entered. “He’s alive!” “What?” asked Connor, barrelling in just in time to hear. “Alive, he has a pulse, and he’s breathing.” “Oh my god.” Said Dawn, running out again. “You mean he’s OK?” asked Connor. “I don’t know, I can’t wake him up. But he is alive.” Fred was next in, bundled by Dawn. She got straight to work, checking his pulse, and breathing. “Well, it’s true.” She confirmed. “So why wont he wake up?” asked Buffy. “If I had to guess, I’d say his body was slowly changing. His pulse is weak and irregular right now, and his breathing shallow. Hopefully, once he’s fully changed, he’ll wake up of his own accord.” That day was even worse then the four before it. Buffy paced like a caged lion, waiting for something, anything to happen. Visitors to his room were frequent. Wes and Faith drove down from Sunnydale, just to see if it was true. Giles flew back from England as well. Buffy just wished something would happen. And it finally did. Buffy was pacing the floor, wring her hands together. She was so caught up in her worry that she didn’t notice his eyes open. “Buffy.” He whispered. Within a flash, Buffy was on top of him raining kisses all over his face. “You alive, I can’t believe it, you’re alive and you’re OK.” Angel pulled Buffy to him and held her tightly. Epilogue Over the next few years, everyone’s life slowed down. Except Dawn, who went away to college in New York and partied most of the nights away. After defeating the first, the supernatural evil on earth was back to a minimum. Only a few demons, a couple of vampires and the odd black witch to worry about. Life was good. Buffy re-enrolled in college, this time UCLA. Angel changed the agency into a regular detective agency, taking all kinds of cases, as well as the odd supernatural one. He no longer had his vampire powers, but he didn’t mind. He trained hard and still helped Buffy. Not that she actually had much to do these days. Connor worked with Buffy and Angel in the family business. He eventually met a young Native American woman named Kayla who he settled down with. Fred and Gunn got married and moved outside the city. They didn’t loose contact with anyone, they just wanted the little house with a white picket fence that they had so often dreamed of. Fred got her PhD and began working as a professor for UCLA. Gunn started his own business running self defence classes. Lorne returned to Las Vegas and became a headliner and a minor celebrity. His mixture of fortune telling, singing and general entertaining was a hit. Only a few people knew his look wasn’t thanks to makeup. He settled down and married a peaceful Onag demon named Sachwak, or Sasah to most people. You’ll sometimes see his picture on the cover of the Enquirer, probably hugging Elvis, saying he is still alive. He was for a long while, long after the public thought he was dead, after all, no human could possibly live to be 142, as he was when he died. But those pictures are doctored, no one ever managed to discover that he hadn’t really died. And he certainly never met Elvis! Faith continued her slaying in Sunnydale, what little there was to do, and got a job working as a recruitment agent. She married a man named Dean after seven years of keeping him hanging on, waiting. Wesley stayed with her and opened a book shop. He never married but he settled down with an older woman named Shauna, who bought the Magic Box from Anya. Anya remained a demon, though she eventually quit working for D’Hoffrin to live a mortal life. She sold the magic shop, preferring the internet because of its lower overheads. She finally forgave Xander and married him four years later. Although she didn’t let him out of her sight on their wedding day Willow set up her own software company and soon had a thriving business. She received offers from the big companies to buy her out but she wasn’t for sale. Willow Inc was her baby and she would not sell for any amount. She eventually moved on from Tara and, after two failed relationships, she settled down with Lucy, a fellow computer geek. They adopted a baby girl two years later. Dawn graduated with much better marks than she ever thought she deserved (well she had partied a lot) and moved back to LA. She took a job as an advertising executive and eventually settled down with Tom, an old class mate from Hemmery. Buffy and Angel finally got married after Buffy graduated. Angel now had a nice shiny new identity as Alan “Angel” Summers. Their family did indeed grow as over the next five years, Buffy produced two children, both girls named Joyce and Kathy. Buffy died on September 29th 2079, aged 98. She left behind three children, including Connor, who she had always considered her child too, five grand children and seven great grandchildren. Angel died seven days later of a broken heart. Their story is still told today. It’s October 4th 2133 today. The cynical in society say this story is a myth, an urban legend passed down from generation to generation, embellished more and more with each telling. Most forgot the Battle for Peace, preferring to think of it as mass hysteria. Vampires and demons were once again relegated to mythology and fantasy. I know that isn’t the truth though because I am Tawana Summers, Buffy and Angels’ great granddaughter. I was one of the few people to witness their deaths. I was only fifteen at the time but I knew their story well. Buffy loved nothing more that telling me this story before I went to bed. And I loved nothing more than listening. You can choose not to believe this story, I have no control over that, but if you only take one thing from this tail, just remember this... True love is forever, that’s the whole point. ********************* See, i told you it was meant to be fluffy!
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