Your Mama's So Fat....

• she fell in love...and broke it!!!
• she has to put on her belt with a boomarang!
• I have to take a train, a plane, and 2 buses to get on her good side!
• a picture of her fell off the wall!
• her tailor takes her measurements in light years!
• her picture takes two frames!
• her favorite blouse is a tent!
• her driver's license says "Picture continued on other side."!
• when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders the "Thank You, Come Again." !
• even her shadow has stretch marks!
• when she gets on the scale it says "To be continued." !
• her blood type is rocky-road!
• her blood type is Ragu!
• one day when she got in a fight and the person fighting her got lost in her!
• she could sell shade!
• she DJ's for the ice cream truck!
• she eats cereal out of a satellite dish!
• she has to keep pesos in one pocket and yen in the other!
• she has to iron her pants on the driveway!
• after she got off the carousel, the horse limped for a week!
• when she ran away they had to use all four sides of the milk carton!
• when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them!
• when the cashier at KFC asked what size bucket she wanted, she said the one on the roof!
• she sweats Crisco!
• she uses bacon for Band-aids!
• when she goes to the drycleaners and hands in her underwear they say "sorry no parachutes accepted"!
• that if she weighed 5 more pounds she could get group insurance!
• when she went to the Rose Parade everyone thought she was a float!
• when she wears heels, they're flats by the afternoon!
• when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across the great lakes!
• when she wears a yellow raincoat, people run after her and call "Taxi!"!
• when she wears a yellow raincoat, kids line up behind her thinking she's the school bus!
• when she wears a red dress kids yell "Hey Kool-Aid Man."!
• when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her 7 years to live!
• when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks!
• she cut her leg and gravy dripped out!
• she can lay down or stand up and her height doesn't change!
• one day she was cleaning out her rolls and a car fell out!
• NASA orbits satellites around her!
• on a scale of 1 to 10, she's a 747!
• I've got to tell two snaps just to cover her fat ass!
• I saw her in New York, and when I told my friend in LA, he said he'd seen her too!
• I saw a picture of her in a magazine on page 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8!
• I ran around her twice and got lost!
• she got hit by a truck and asked "Who threw that rock?"!
• she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, and says "Okay."!
• she fell in the Grand Canyon and got stuck!
• she fell off a boat and the captain yelled "Land Ho!"!
• I gotta take 3 steps back just to see all of her!
• her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters!
• her belly jiggle is the first ever perpetual motion machine!
• her belt size is the equator!
• even God couldn't raise her spirits!
• even Richard Simmons laughs at her!
• every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil!
• her car is made of spandex!
• her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard!
• her college graduation picture was an aerial!
• all of her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor!
• her skates went flat!
• she has to use sleeping bags for tube socks!
• she jumped for joy and got stuck!
• she jumped up in the air and got stuck!
• she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagen!
• she looks like the Stay-Puff marshmallow man on steroids!
• she made weight watchers go blind!
• she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic!
• she pulls up a chair to an all-u-can-eat buffet!
• she puts mayonnaise on aspirin!
• she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller!
• she don't know whether she's walking or rolling!
• at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts!
• when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party!
• when she goes swimming she gives the pool streach marks!
• when she walks across the living room, the radio skips!
• when she went to the beach Greenpeace tried to haul her back into the ocean!
• you can pinch an inch on her forehead!
• when she travels, she's gotta make two trips!
• when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet!
• when she walks in front of the T.V., you miss 5 minutes of your show!
• when she wears corduroy pants, the ridges don't show!
• you can't even see her legs, it just looks like she's gliding across the floor!
• when she steps on a scale, it says "One at a time, please."!
• when she saw a yellow bus going down the road she yelled "Hey! Stop that Twinkie."!
• when she played hide-n-go-seek, she hid behind a water tower!
• when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station!
• when she ordered a "My Size Meal" at McDonald's they gave her the key to the store!
• when she hauls ass, she has friends come help!
• when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!
• when she ordered a "My Size Meal" at McDonald's they gave her a dinosaur!
• when she goes to the circus she sees the big top and asks "Where can I try that on?" !
• when she goes to the beach, little kids yell "Free Willy, Free Willy."!
• when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate!
• when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down!