UPDATES as of 11 - 5 - 1999

Note:  After a long hiatus, we have running electricity again.  Thus we will be updating again soon.  Thank you for your patience.        -Management                         4 - 15 - 2002

This is what happens when we let EMT employees in on medieval mondays.  This unfortunate incident occured when persons (who shall remain unnamed pending a court hearing) got out of hand.  Although the picture does not show it, there are numerous lacerations in the mid-section. They appear to be inflicted by what the coroner suggested to be a morning star or quite possibly the "jaws of life".  Now we have already received several condolence cards from our newer customers on behalf of the loss of one of our employees; but as any seasoned customer will tell you, the autopsy picture (above) is not an employee.  No this was actually one of the EMT crew members that caused the rucus.  Again, we aren't mentioning any names (except for Dave Monk's because he has been clogging our toilets with children's appendages) but we would just like to ask that any future customers use discretion when bringing nomadic weaponry on stage.

Attention!!! The Restrooms are operational

This is just a reminder that we finally have the restroom situation well under control.  After several complaints, of what can only be described as the phenomena of spontaneous combustion, we finally realized there was a problem.  The picture to the left is a police crime scene photo that our lawyers say we must post, so as to avoid a civil rights suit.  Our solution is simple:  We advise all patrons to urinate on the floor so if they feel a sudden burning sensation they can simply follow the three easy steps of extinguishing a fire.  1. Stop  2. Drop  3. Roll     Thanks to all of those dedicated customers who reported this to us several months ago, as the situation has been unresolved up until last thursday.  We are currently investigating alleged reports that a dinosaur has been stealing vehicles from our VIP lot.

Now Available: Alien Portfolio

Now see what you've been missing.  We offer a picture and bio for each of our aliens!

people have molested this site since 1843 and they still get urine!

Message Board !!!!!

Leave some feedback if you like.  We promote anonymity so you will not get those harassing phone calls at 3 am about a nationwide survey on bi-polar sex changes.  Nor will you receive any solicitations for experimental marketing where individuals can barter diarrhea for third world teeth.  But it wouldn't hurt if you signed up for our organ donors program.  You can even sign your neighbor up, with or without his permission.  We usually collect on thursdays; dead or alive.  And not like those other cut rate HMO's, we fully guarantee satisfaction or you are re-imbursed with a soul (though not particularly yours).  Notice to transsexuals:  We do not return organs for any reason except for an exchange of an equal or higher value organ.  The current rates of exchange for human organs and walrus gonads is available at the U.S. Department of Ways and Means.  Check with your insurance company for educational discounts.