| CHAPTER TWO SIMPLE BUT NOT EASY INITIAL DIFFICULTIES You have met the Maligay family when they already had the habit of mental prayer. It looks so easy for them, but they also went through some difficulties at the beginning as we shall see in this chapter. We shall present four types of initial difficulties in mental prayer; for each type we shall see an example of how it is experienced and also some tips in handling it. --------------- I. THE GREATEST DIFFICULTY: TO DO IT DAILY TOM Here am I Lord to spend time in our mental prayer. Since the last time... when was that? Yesterday was Saturday, I got home so tired that I only wanted to eat a little and go to sleep. I told myself that you would understand and I would do my prayer today. Thank you. When was it --our last mental prayer? The previous day I was so busy and worried that I told you I could not do the mental prayer. You know I was really busy; it was not my fault. What happened last Thursday? Oh yes, I missed again. What was that? I must admit I got hooked with the TV show. Sorry. Wednesday? I tried, but what happened? Nothing. I got nothing. I think I got so distracted that I gave up and thought that I am hopeless to acquire this mental prayer habit. What do you think, Lord? (...) Yes. You are right! I also think I lacked sincerity. The thing is --there was always something: traffic, busy, a friend, tired. (...) You are right. I did not find time to talk with you but I found time for the TV, for sleep, for my golf... Sorry, Lord, I really lack sincerity... Lord, motivate me more; make me experience your presence, that you are here, that you care for me and for my family. That I cannot do it alone, I mean --to be a family man. (...) Yes... Maybe, I should change the schedule of my mental prayer to an earlier time... But in the morning I am always in a hurry... and what happens later is unpredictable... Yes, Lord, you are right. I am still defensive and insincere. Motivate me more! As my friend said, good habits do not come automatically. I have to be more sincere and consistent.. ---------------- SUGGESTIONS As early as the first week of initiating the habit of mental prayer, some people will discover that it is not easy to do it every day. The devil might present his first attack and put into your mind this lie: "this thing of daily mental prayer is not for you because you are such a busy person and you do not have the time". This is a typical trick of the devil. It is better to dismiss it and be realistic by looking at how we find time for things we really want to do; for example, breakfast. We seldom miss breakfast even when we are most busy. All we need to do is to love the mental prayer as much as we love breakfast. Or take watching TV. People who are tense during the day usually find time to relax through music or TV. All they need in order to do mental prayer daily is to learn to see it as rest from their tensions and worries, to rest with the Lord --it really works! Some people do not need any devil to discourage them; at the time for prayer they just feel very tired and sleepy and so they tend to postpone it for tomorrow which never comes. This problem can be solved by wise scheduling; we can try different times and places (and postures) until we find the setup where we are more alert, and then stick to it. ------------------------ II. THE MOST COMMON DIFFICULTY: LACK OF CONCENTRATION BETH tiful dress and I felt envious... why can't I buy beautiful things like her? ...I heard that there is a new shop in the big mall selling imported items... how I wish I could go and see and buy... like the one I saw in that movie... Funny --that movie with that scene in Paris... the perfumes from Paris... Pasig river smells so bad... yesterday the garbage collector did not come... I have to prepare my meals before I go to school... I am hungry now... it's so hot here... Sorry, Lord. How distracted I am today! Sorry, Lord. Help me to concentrate, to become aware of your presence... What were we discussing? Ah yeah. I was envious of Sonia... (...) Yes, Lord. I should rejoice that she is happy and has talents and money, but... (...) again. You always teach that we should not place our happiness on material things and vanities, but I am a girl... should know better than the poor pagans that what counts is the inner beauty of a pure and loving heart... ---------------------- SUGGESTIONS We all experience what we might call "butterfly distractions". Sometimes, our mind lacks concentration in maintaining our conversation with God. It keeps on jumping from one memory to another, from a plan to another, from movie images to real people and events. This kind of distractions is the most common thing in the world of prayer. Beginners are prone to the attack of this other trick of the devil: "What is the use of spending time in mental prayer if you get so distracted anyway? You'd better do it when you feel you can concentrate well". Do not listen to the devil and learn to handle the distractions wisely. Here are some tips. First of all try to find a better place or time for your mental prayer. This alone will minimize the distractions. Another way to help concentration: begin your prayer by reading something spiritual and catchy (like a story from the Gospel or some thought-provoking book) until your imagination gets caught at that level. Then proceed with the basic method. In any case, we should not get upset when we realize we got distracted. We can always make an act of practical humility, ask help from God, and resume the conversation with Him. Sometimes, you might even resume talking about the subject of your distraction. ------------------- III. PULSATING DISTRACTIONS ANNIE Here am I again trying to do my mental prayer. Tell me something. I will read from the book of meditations my friend gave me. (...) This is about humility. We should be humble... I wonder why Mrs. Lopez said that thing about me. Maybe she is envious of me and my family. But why will she say that I am so proud and arrogant? It really hurts. She is a witch; that is what she is!... Sorry Lord. I got distracted. To think I was doing my prayer! Back to my spiritual reading... (...) We should be humble... But why would Mrs. Lopez talk about me in that wedding? What had I done to her? This is so unfair. I thought she was a good and decent person and she turned out to be such a witch... Sorry Lord. Sorry again. I shall read more. (...) We should be humble. But is Mrs Lopez humble? I think she is the opposite of humility. She is so proud as if she has the right to judge everybody around... Sorry again. I think I cannot do my prayer today. I will try next time. (...) O.K. I will try now, but don't you see I am distracted all the time by the thought of Mrs. Lopez? What do you want me to do about it? (...) "Father, forgive them because they do not know what they are doing"... Yes, I remember; you said that when they were crucifying you. Lord, I just cannot imitate you. Help me more; teach me to forgive; teach me to imagine that she does not know what she is doing. Maybe, after all, she did not mean it; or perhaps she did not say exactly what they told me she said... Maybe, I was judging her without knowing well what she said and why she said it. Father, forgive her and forgive me too. Father, forgive us, give us peace. Amen. --------------- SUGGESTIONS Pulsating distractions do not come from a "jumpy" imagination but from the heart. Some times, whether we like it or not, the heart keeps on bringing up to our consciousness a certain powerful emotion: an anxiety, a worrisome problem, an impressive event, a deep desire for something or someone, a surging anger, etc. The best way to handle these "pulls" is to give in and to make them the topic of conversation with God. The first step is easy: we just tell the Lord about the fact and how we feel about it, but we should not stop there. The second step is less easy: we should try to listen to God and find out what He wants us to do about the disturbing situation or event. To go through this second step, sometimes we have to ask Him whether we have some fault in the way we feel (our pride, our attachment, etc.); then we can ask for light to understand how He would act if He were in our situation. All of this listening is difficult but it is the way to peace of mind and heart. ----------------- IV. SIN: A DIFFICULTY OR A REASON FOR MENTAL PRAYER JUN Well, Lord, here I am. It has been quite sometime we haven't talked. The thing is I was ashamed. I knew you would ask me to stop fooling my girlfriend. I was so happy that the old trick was working: first I would be so nice and sweet to her; then, I would manage to be alone with her and become physically affectionate until she finally would allow me to move on to indecent things... Lord, I was so ashamed. I hope you understand I could not come to you with all this garbage of impurity... (...) The story of the prodigal son? It's true. I should have still come back to tell you about it and ask forgiveness. I wonder now why I did not come... (...) Pharisees? Well, if you ask me to be honest... I must admit I was more than embarrassed. The thing is that I love her and I am very weak, and so I can't help it... (...) Still more honest? O.k. Lord. I will tell you the truth. I knew you would tell me it is a sin and I just was not ready to give up the sin. I had so many rationalizations that I would not tell you... But now I admit that they were just that --rationalizations. I have been lacking peace. I feel guilty. (...) Thank you Lord for making me feel guilty. Here I am. What do you want me to do now? (...) Yes. A good confession --truthful, sincere repentance, to ask sincerely for advice... Thank you Lord. Mother Mary, help me more. Thank you. ---------------- SUGGESTIONS Sin in our heart can be both a difficulty or a help for our mental prayer. If we do not repent from our sins, they are real difficulties because they stand as a gap or wall between God and us. The solution is very simple: we just go to our prayer and tell the Lord we would like to repent. If we listen attentively, He might make us realize how our sins harm us (and others); we only have to respond with contrition, that is, being sorry and deciding to go to Confession as soon as we can, especially if it is a big sin. Repented sins are not a difficulty because Jesus says that the doctor is not for the healthy but for the sick. In a way, our sins can help us go to the Lord in prayer since He is the divine physician. But the devil might try another of his basic tricks and put into us a terrible shame or discouragement preventing us from facing the Lord. We should see this shame as something from the devil and we must try to overcome it. After all, Jesus knows our sins already. It is just a matter of telling him that we are repentant --and that is nothing to be ashamed of. Come to think of it: shame is good if it prevents us from doing bad things but it is diabolic if it prevents us from going to God. ---------------------- SOME EXERCISES 1. Try different schedules and places for your prayer and take note carefully of the differences in terms of distractions. After a few weeks you will know what place and schedule is better for you. 2. If you experience pulsating distractions, handle them as explained in this session. Record the topics and results in your prayer journal. If you can, try to discuss them clearly with your prayer adviser. 3. This week, try to improve the quality of your sacramental Confession: you will notice how its cleansing grace makes prayer easier. |