GRILLO THE CLOWN drools and babbles incoherently (in all languages and none) while wearing a CARDBOARD SPACE HELMET made of a cereal box on his head and squirting STALE WHIPPED CREAM everywhere. You need this. There is something warm and comforting about Grillo's bacon-Lysol-urine-potpourri smell, kind of like the home you never had. Grillo is the world's greatest Clown, the world's greatest Performance Artist, the world's greatest wrestler, the world's greatest action hero, the world's greatest air guitarist, the world's greatest CRIME-FIGHTING MASTER CRIMINAL, and one day he will make you all proud. Grillo knows that time is short and there isn't much canvas left upon which to splatter his DEADLY ART ATTACK, so climb aboard the Grillo Wagon while you still can. Write Grillo The Clown at grilloclown@gmail.com immediately and tell him you're on his side, even if you're not. Or, if you have any questions, or a PERSONAL PROBLEM you need Grillo's advice on, ask and get the ANSWERS! Let Grillo's long life of expertise with women, jobs, money, success, religion, marriage, and plumbing pay off for YOU!

GRILLO CAN SEE YOU. Grillo sees much in your future. Grillo's stage show consists of a wide-ranging array of astonishing tricks. In addition to being a dedicated world-class chess-player, nude wrestler, private investigator and intergalactic musician, Grillo is a skilled and accomplished PRESTIDIGITATOR. He performs obscene card tricks, daring feats of death-defying danger, and frequently makes entire audiences disappear. Grillo plays every instrument known to mankind, including the Grillophone, the Creeps Can, and even various BODILY ORGANS. (You haven't lived until you've heard Grillo perform "Amazing Grace" by blowing into a makeshift bagpipe constructed from a sheep's bladder). Grillo The Clown is a neverending source of family entertainment that is sure to pep up your wedding, wake, birthday party, or school fundraiser!

Live onstage and without a hairnet, Grillo has been known to summon the dead from their graves and contact interplanetary emissaries while committing unspeakable acts of biology. All this and more can be yours - host a GRILLO EVENT in your area! You supply the place and some beer and maybe some Malted Milk Balls, and Grillo will come and sing and dance and frolic and have semi-simulated carnal acts with inflatable aliens and make a SICKENING DISGUSTING MESS. (Don't tell your landlord.) By hiring Grillo The Clown to perform for you, you're not only doing yourself a favor, you're contributing to the noble tradition of APPALACHIAN VOODOO, the ancient rites of which Grillo is affiliated. Who needs Shriners when you've got Grillo?

Grillo has many fine albums such as "GRILLO BUSTS OPEN A GRAPE", "BUT OFFICER, THIS IS ART", and "GRILLO'S LOVE ALBUM". His newest release, "BLUBBERING BUTTSTEAKS OF ETERNAL TORMENT" finds him singing your favorites hits of the 90's. Grillo has appeared as an extra in over 30 movies and has a major role in the someday-to-be-released Creeps film "CRAWLSPACE". Grillo has performed in 12 countries around the world and was hated in every one of them. Grillo is a Clown because he says he is and that settles it. Grillo doesn't wash. Grillo has been arrested in 8 different states. Grillo is NOT ALONE.

Be advised that Grillo The Clown's laissez-faire, free-thinking mellow lifestyle keeps him busy on the road a lot, and not always available for short-notice scheduling. Try to plan your rendezvous with him well in advance of the date you'll be needing him to provide his rare services. You can contact his Grilloness directly at grilloclown@gmail.com.

You can also see GRILLO COMICS, an online comic strip which is sporadically updated, starring Grillo. You can also visit his ONLINE DIARY which is updated even more sporadically. You can also visit his POETRY PAGE and vote on which of his poems are deathless classics and which ones should be filed under "Vogon Poetry". Click the link and then do a search for "grillo".

Grillo's new chapbook of poetry and comics, "CHEAP TOILET PAPER", is soon to be released from SUPERFROTHCO along with his one-act play, "SHOEHORN". Mini-comics "GRILLO COMICS" and "SECRET AGENT GRILLO" will soon be in print from MOIST DOORKNOB.