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1.Take off clothing and place it in sectional hamper
according to lights and dark.
2.Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband
along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and run to
bathroom.
3.Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick
out your gut so you can complain and whine about how
fat you are getting.
4.Get in the shower. Look for face, arm and leg cloth, long
loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
5.Wash your hair once with cucumber and lamprey shampoo
with 83 added vitamins.
6.Wash your hair again with cucumber and lamprey shampoo
with 83 added vitamins.
7.Condition your hair with cucumber and lamprey conditioner
enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15
minutes.
8.Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10
minutes.
9.Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake
body wash.
10.Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least 15 minutes
as you must make sure it all comes off).
11.Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area, but
decide to get it waxed instead.
12.Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and you have no
water pressure.
13.Turn off shower.
14.Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots
with tilex.
15.Get out of shower. Dry with towel size of small African
country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
16Check entire body for remotest sign of zit. Attack with
nails and tweezers if found.
17.Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.
18.If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed
areas and rush to bedroom and then spend a hour and a
half dressing.
1.Take off clothes while sitting on edge of bed and leave
them in a pile.
2.Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the
way, shake your privates at her making the "woo" sound.
3.Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your
gut to see if you have any pecs (no), scratch your privates.
4.Get in the shower.
5.Don't bother to look for washcloth (you don't use one).
6.Wash your face.
7.Wash your armpits.
8.Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
Wait and then smell...
9.Wash your private parts and surrounding area, leaving
hair on the bar of soap.
10.Shampoo (do not use conditioner).
11.Make a shampoo mohawk.
12.Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
13.Pee (in the shower).
14.Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water
on floor because you left the curtain hanging out of tub
the whole time.
15.Partially dry off.
16.Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles.
17.Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor.
18.Leave bathroom fan and light on.
19.Return to bedroom with towel wrapped around your waist.
If you pass wife along the way, pull off your towel and
shake your privates at her making the "woo" sound again.
20.Throw wet towel on bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
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