5/01
Two fleas walking in New York:
- So, are we going to walk or we`ll take a dog to Brooklyn?

5/02
A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop 
where two Englishmen are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen 
Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says. The two Englishmen just 
stare at him.

"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to 
stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response, "Hablan ustedes 
Espanol?" Still nothing. the Swiss guy drives off, extremely 
disgusted.

The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Y'know, 
maybe we should learn a foreign language...."

"Why?, What for?"says the other, "That bloke knew four
languages, and it didn't do him any good!"

5/03
A hunter is telling his adventure:

- And so I took my rifle and went for hunting. 
After hours of walking I saw a burrow.
I approached the burrow and yelled: How-how! A rubbit gushed from there and I shot him.

After another hours of walking I found a bigger burrow.
I approached the burrow and yelled: How-how! A walf gushed from there and I shot him.

After another hours of walking I found even a bigger burrow.
I approached the burrow and yelled: How-how! A bear gushed from there and I shot him.

And after some long hours of walking I found the biggest burrow I`ve seen.
I approached the burrow and yelled: How-how! And I heard from the burrow: How-how!
I yelled again: How-how! From the burrow again: How-how!
Me again: How-how! From the burrow the train came out and hit me.

5/04
One day a man decides to go ice fishing. He begins to cut a hole in the ice 
when a booming voice from above says, "There are no fish there." So he moves 
to another area, and begins to cut another hole in the ice, when he hears the 
voice again, "There are no fish there." So he moves again and begins cutting 
another hole when once more the voice bellows, "There are no fish there either.
" So the man looks up and says "Who is this, God?" The voice replies, 
"No, this is the manager of this ice skating rink."

5/05
Girl looking in the mirror said: Oh, how I want to get married, I`m so tired to make up 
and to dress well. 

5/06
Charlie Chaplin was asked once, which women are most faithful: blonde ones, brunette ones
or red ones.
"Grizzled ones" he answered.

5/07
Three construction contractors died and went to heaven - a Black, a Jew, and an Italian. 
When they got there St. Peter welcomed them warmly and asked if they could do him a favor 
before they entered heaven. It seems that the Pearly gates were in need of some repair, 
and he wanted some estimates. 

The Black contractor looked the job over carefully and estimated the job at $600. 
When asked how he came up with that figure, he said, "$200 materials, $200 labor, 
and $200 profit." 

St. Peter then asked the Jewish contractor for an estimate. After careful inspection 
the Jew answered, "$3000 - $1000 materials, $1000 labor, and $1000 profit." 

When St. Peter ask the Italian for an estimate, he answered immediately without looking 
over the job at all - $2600. Asked how he came up with that figure he answered, 
"Simple, $1000 for you, $1000 for me, and $600 to get the low bidder over there to do the work." 

5/08
Beautiful sunny day. An yacht in the middle of the ocean. On yacht pretty young
woman taking a sunbath. Suddenly a man with parachute fell on yacht.
He: Bond ... James Bond!
She: Off  ... F$%k Off!

5/09
Two programmers sitting in a cafe. A girl passing by.
- Cool "properties" she got!
- I checked yesterday  ... all "Read Only".