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Flushing, NY-Mike Piazza wasn’t alone when he returned to Port St. Lucie from nursing a bruised knee on March 20th. Of his traveling companion, one source close to Piazza said, “We just want to be sure that this is as serious as it looks before we make it public. We’re not sure whether to be excited or worried.”
The day after his return to spring training the New York Times reported that, “Mike Piazza wore a Superman T-shirt as he roamed the clubhouse after today's game.” Predictably, The Times missed the point. The mullet has returned.
Sports psychologist, Dr. Arthur Murray, was asked to comment on the All-Star’s apparent dependency. “It’s obvious that the thought of starting a season without it was too much for him to handle. He associates all his accomplishments with the wearing of that mullet. It’s present in all his fondest memories.”
Concerning Mike’s own opinion of his hairstyle, Dr. Murray said, “We would be more concerned if he actually believed that it looked cool. But he knows he looks like a bitch. He just can’t hit without it.”
During a late 2000 slump, sans mullet, Piazza’s average plummeted almost seventy points from just a shade under .380 at the beginning of June. In the playoffs, still mulletless but having added some compensatory facial hair, Piazza broke out.
“The monster is out of the cage,” batting coach John Stearns cried after a Piazza RBI double just prior to the first round of last year’s playoffs. When asked whether that comment referred to Mike’s ability to hit baseballs really hard or his likeness to a furry beast, Stearns refused to comment.
So far in the 2001 campaign, Piazza is once again an offensive
power, hitting at a .360 clip with 4 round trippers and 10 batted in.

Clearly the bat and the mullet travel together.
The Mets organization has spent the spring deflecting accusations that they have not worked hardenough at improving the team from last year. The loss of Mike Hampton and lack of effort to sign any of the off-season’s big name free agents has drawn the scrutiny of many fans and writers. Add to that the return of Piazza’s 10/90 and the heat coming down on the Mets’ front office is suffocating.
Steve Phillips called an emergency press conference on Saturday afternoon to field questions concerning the Piazza situation. Juxtaposed with former Met, Darryl Strawberry’s, relapse and disappearance, Piazza’s deviation from his program of therapy and rehab has caused significant distress among those who care about the catcher and his team.
During the conference, Phillips was asked if he and Bobby Valentine have continued to give Mike the support and reassurance that was so crucial in his initial break from the Canadian special.

“Mike knows that we support him both as individuals and as a ballclub. Bobby and I have been spooning with Mike at every possible opportunity. I think that helps us all feel a little closer.”Phillips went on to say, “We knew this would be a hard road for Mike to walk down…it’s a hard thing to let go of. Outside of the US girls softball team, it’s the best mullet I’ve ever seen.”
Bobby Valentine had this to say, “He plays great with it. Looks like retarded redneck, but he plays great. So fine. Look like an idiot.”
Mike Piazza was not available for comment.