She leans against the seal baths, her bucket feeling as if it weighs a ton. She sighs as she draws out little trails with her sandals on the sand, trying not to think too much.
If she looks back from here, she can see Trowa and that blond pilot inside the tent. She wants to pretend that she can't hear. It is the way of pretending that what ever we want to block out becomes most noticeable.
Sighing, she sets down her bucket. Mr. Giorgio had told the circus crew that very morning that he wanted the seals bathed. She might as well do it now. It would help her to not think too much, and mechanic actions always soothed her. Besides, the seals, Old Grace and Jean Luc, were comfortable companions.
Catherine chuckled to herself, bending to turn on the hose, holding it away from her as the water gushed out.
"Ms. Bloom. Really. Lady Grace and Jean Luc are seals," she told herself, "and I did not raise you to be a friend to seals."
As if they had understood her admonitions, the seals perked up in their tanks, gliding over to one corner, their fins flapping as they called to her. She laughed and sprayed them with her hose.
"Silly seals. You know I love you."
Picking up an old sponge and a bar of soap, she got down to washing, first Old Grace, patient and heavy, and then Jean Luc, slippery and unwilling. The mechanic actions of holding Jean Luc still and praising Old Grace's patience soothed her troubled soul a little, as she knew it would. But still, she found herself thinking.
Sighing, she hosed away Old Grace's suds, smoothing her oily skin out with the palm of her hand.
"You know, old girl, sometimes I wonder... Perhaps I worry too much about Trowa."
The seal barked once, flapping one fin against the stand Catherine had set her on. Catherine smiled as she completed Old Grace's hose down.
"Is that a yes?"
Chuckling, she turned to hose down Jean Luc. "But it's just that... I don't know. He seems so sad whenever he talks about those Gundams... I get worried. I mean, what if that other pilot asks him to return to that war? Trowa can't go back... he can't..."
Jean Luc remains silent for once, watching Catherine with dark, round eyes. She tries not to sigh, reaching for a towel. She pats Jean Luc as dry as she can, going over to Old Grace to do the same. She remains steeped in her own thoughts till she eases both the seals back in their tanks, watching them glide out into their tiny worlds.
"But what if Trowa wants to go back? What if I'm only holding him here...?"
Turning, she rests her back against the edge of the seal tanks, folding her arms over her chest. Behind her, she can hear Jean Luc splashing about, swimming after Old Grace.
"I don't really know Trowa. He's such a quiet boy. He never tells me anything. Perhaps... Perhaps he really does want to go back, and I'm only holding him here, selfish and petty..."
She pushes away from the tank, turning her head to gaze at the distant tent where she left Trowa and the blond pilot. She sighs, running a hand through her hair. She knows, even as she stands here now, that Trowa will leave her. She always knew it would only be a matter of time. But why such a short time?
"Trowa..."
Turning, she bends to pick up her bucket again, heading towards her trailer. She looks back one last in Trowa's direction, before she walks away, the bucket swinging quietly against her legs.
"I
hope you don't mind that I make you a little goodbye supper. After all,
what are sisters for if they can't take care of their brothers?"
© 1997 Team Bonet. Gundam Wing is © 1995 Sunrise Entertainment and Bandai. This story originally appeared at the Gundam Wing Mailing List, during its infant days.