James On...

FOB-NESS

After an engaging conversation with my good friend Grace, I think its time to put more of my thoughts down before I forget them. As most of you should know, I'm a clean FOB. I moved here when I was in the second grade and basically have been called a FOB my entire life. I use take it with a negative connotation whenever someone calls me a FOB, but now my pride in being a FOB is greater than ever. I know that having been assimilated in the US for almost 10 years now, I should become less and less FOB, but I have found a sudden urge to be even MORE FOB. I don't know how to really describe it and if all other FOBS are like this, but I think I still have some sort of attachment to my home country. I love Taiwan...I think its the greatest place on earth. Just going back and seeing that everyone is the same as me, its a great feeling. I think I'm as FOB as they come, and now I think its the greatest thing in the world. It's not even just about the pride that I have, theres just something else.

Now what im about to say here might piss a lot of people off, but I feel that I still have to say it. I have trouble liking white washed asians, especially the ones that don't appreciate being asian or FOB. I mean, of course there are exceptions to that because some people are just DAMN cool no matter what. I think if you're chinese and you're trying to be whtie, it just doesn't work. I think being multi-cultured is hella awesome because it makes me that much more knowledgeable about a lot of things. Its not really not my place to tell u that if you're asian, you HAVE to like being asian. But I just think that you should at least keep in touch with your own culture. Those chinese people who can't speak chinese are just the biggest n00bs in the world, im sorry to say. I have very little respect for those people. At least make an attempt to keep in touch with your own culture; u dont have to be super fobby but cmon now. I think being FOB is one of my greatest prides, and i dont think any of you can ever tell me otherwise. cheers~

Music

Music has always something that I enjoyed. For as long as I can remeber, I listened to music and sang along to it. I mean, I played the piano when I was young and I usually accredit my piano playing with my interest in music. Recently, however, I've discovered that music is something I really cannot live without. I guess I always knew that on some level, but it wasn't until I found Jay's music that I saw just how life changing music can be. I've always admired singer-song writers, mainly because it required a lot more work on the artist's part. When I was told that Jay wrote his own music, it prompted me to give him a chance. I saw that Jay didn't have to write all his own lyrics to express how he felt; all he had to do was write it in a piece of music. My respect for him increased and eventually I became obsessed with his music, for the lack of a better word.

I realized this year that music does wonders to you and that it's not about just pleasing the ear. This year brought many changes in my life: i became a lot more active and i thought a lot more, especially on my relationships with my friends. This was completely foreign to me and I didn't know how to deal with depression when it hit me the hardest, which was when I was planning out my eagle project. I was annoyed with everyone, didn't want to do anything, and just wanted the day to pass so I can be one day closer to finishing. I realized something in this stage: music is the best drug for this depression thing. Especially real emotional music. There were times when I wanted to break down and cry because I was so damn stressed out, but I turned to music. I sat down on my bed, took a deep breath, put on my headphones, and closed my eyes. It was "my" time; I would get away from all this crap in my life and be divulged into a world of tranquility and true emotion. More importantly, I could relate to some of the emotions being put onto the sheet music. Songs like David Tao's Pu Tong Peng You and Jay's Kai Bu Liao Ko showed me the real power of music. Sometimes I can just not be doing ne thing and just sitting in front of the computer. And then all of a sudden, a smile comes upon my face...unknowingly. I look at my winamp playlist, and there it is. The REAL music.

To some, songs without lyrics are unacceptable. I disagree. I think that the true emotion lies within the music, not the lyrics. Anyone can put what they feel down in words, since writing and speaking is something we do so much. It's much easier to do something we're all familiar with. Of course some lyrics do make songs amazingly good, but with writing music, its a whole different ball game. Only those with the musical interest/talent write music; its another way for them to release their emotions. For those who don't listen to electronic music, this is what its based on. Emotion. Sure i like the fact its danceable music and people can shake their heads to it. But try listening to some other trance; the uplifting trance. This isn't made for the dancefloors...its made for your mind. Songs like Gouryella - Ligaya literally brings me to another level. I can close my eyes, sit back and let the music take me to a place that I've never been before.

I think singing is the funnest thing to do. I love singing. And I think that everyone should sing and not care if they sound bad. For me, its the best way to release my built up emotions. I just let it all out as I belt my way through a song. Most of the time when my away msg says "AWAY" and im idle, that means im singing. Im most likely standing in the middle of my room, with the chinese music blasting, and singing my troubles away. It takes me mind off all the things thats going on around me.

I wish i could better express myself because even though I wrote this, i dont think it even begins to let u know how music has changed my life. I can't live without it...its like a drug. Im always hungry for more. I hope that i was able to get some of my points acorss clearly (even though i dont think i did that good of a job) so you guys can understand. cheers~

Scouting

Today was one of those days that I know that I will probably never forget in my life. November 24, 2002 turned out to be one of the most self-satifying days I have ever been a part of. For as long as I can remember, there was nothing that I could proudly say that was a personal achievement. The day started off like any other day, except for the fact that this would be the day that I finish my Eagle Scout project. I headed off to McClellan Ranch and started to carry out day 2 of my project. During the lunch break, I got to thinking by myself.

Scouting has changed me as a person without me actually knowing it. Never in my wildest dreams had i ever thought of planning out a project all by myself and actually carrying out MY plan. I realize that scouting has done little in providing me with real life experience, but the experiences that scouting has given me is far more than I had ever expected. I will treasure these memories for a lifetime. You may point and say "oh hes a boy scout" and i may go "yah im gay like that", but this is something that you will never experience. Its made me the way I am: the way i plan things, the way i interact with other people, my views on those around me, the ways i deal with a "boss" figure, and most importantly, the experiences that mold my life. My original reason for being a scout was how it would help my college apps. I didn't know better; i was only in the 5th grade. Now that it IS time for apps, I've realized a few things about scouting. I don't do this shit for colleges, but i do it for myself. I've come too far and in too deep to not finish it up. Its become an issue of personal achievement rather than college applications.

How does this relate to today? Well at 5:00 PM today, I finished my project. On the ride home, I realized that I had finished it; i was finished with something that I created and planned. I had actually accomplished something that was worthwhile. It brought a smile on my face. The feeling was something I had never experienced before. I can truly say that for the first time in my life, I was happy with myself. This was the kind of happiness that I had been searching for and cant be brought upon me by ne one else but me. Having a sense of personal accomplishment is one of my goals in scouting, and now probably in life. Getting Eagle is something that I've wanted since the 5th grade. Come Wednesday, I will be the happiest person on the planet. If you pick a day to talk to me, its wednesday nite after my conference. I can't wait to experience that feeling again. It feels so damn good. I guess you can say that I should have experienced something like that by now, with me being almost 18. But i dont think you'd understand my reasoning. Ive been in scoutin for 6.5 years. To do something for so long and reaching a goal you've set since the beginning is pretty darn awesome. Yes, i'm newb and haven't experienced shit. But this is something that only a handful of us will experience, and thats good enough for me. cheers~

P.S. A special thanks to Allen, JT, Jiggy, Aralar, n00b chen, low ur, shou kai, frankie wu, jimmy, david, mike, and all the others that came and helped out. i couldn't have done it without you guys!

JAMES ON...