Let's go to the fucking chatrooms EP 2003
1. I ressurected dinosaurs and told them to invade France

While rummaging through my stash of lesbian porn
I discovered a secret crystal
That could ressurect things long dead
So I followed the instructions and ressurected to the flesh
A load of fucking dinosaurs
For some odd reason they could speak english
But with a Russian accent which I found rather gay
They told me that they would follow my every command
So I told them to travel east and invade France
Two days later I was watching lesbian porn
When I decided I would watch TV cos' my hand was sore
I turned on BB1 - it was the news
They were filming a load of dinosaurs ripping up French people
Crushing down buildings, kicking cars into the sky
And smashing up the Effiel tower
I thought it was really funny
So I taped it
And sold copies for 5.99

2. I noticed your family was out so I broke into your home and ate your fish

I saw you leave your tiny home
To take your kids to Drayton Manor
So I smashed the front window with a big rock
And leapt inside
I saw all your fish by the television
And they looked like they wanted to be eaten
So I ate them very quickly
And spent the rest of the day smashing your china dishes
When you returned, your living room was littered with fish bones
Your expensive fish tank smashed
By the same fucking rock that smashed your new window
While I was half a mile away
Eating cod fillets at an upper-class restaurant
Cos' I also stole all your fucking money

5. You wear Dr. Marten's, fuck off!

When I read you broke your foot
Skiing in the Bavarian Alps in 1945
I laughed really hard cos' that was your inspiration
To make really gay boots that ska fans wear


I don't wear your boots cos' they're gay
If you wear them, I think you can fuck off
Dr. Griggs was gay also
I bet you two were gay together
Cos' your German, which is as nearly as bad
As being a French Waiter who is into post-modernism

6. I kato'd your wedding cake

I didn't bother to watch the wedding
Weddings are gay
So I went to the due to try to get pissed
When I saw your expensive wedding cake
And thought thoughts of Kato
Dark, sinister and forbidden to me
I feel myself give way, temptation is winning
I cannot stop these kato visions

I kato'd your wedding cake
Now it is crushed and virtually inedible
But despite katoing your wedding cake
I apologise for and inconvenience I caused

After I kato'd your wedding cake
You were really pissed
Plus you had never seen me before in your life
But still, the need did persist
I rose to my feet, struck a kato posture
And struck down your kids and grandparents
With Kato mastery unsurpassed
I must fulfil the holy kato task

I kato'd your kids and grandparents
Now they inert, bloody and losing pulse
But despite katoing your close relatives
I apologise for any inconvenience I caused