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| Recognising Domestic Violence |
| Domestic Violence includes all kinds of physical, sexual and emotional abuse within all kinds of intimate relationships. The most harmful abuse is carried out by men against female partners, but abuse also occurs by women against men and within same sex relationships. ********************************* Domestic Violence can take a number of forms such as physical assault, sexual abuse, rape, and threats. In addition, it may include destructive criticism, pressure tactics, disrespect, breaking trust, isolation and harassment. Some abusers offer 'awards' on certain conditions, or in an attempt to persuade their partners that the abuse won't happen again. However persuasive they seem, the violence usually gets worse over time. Accepting That You Are Not To Blame It is not easy to accept that a loved one can behave so aggressively. Because they can't explain their partner's behaviour, many people assume that they themselves are to blame. They are NOT ! No-one deserves to be assaulted, abused or humilated, least of all by a partner in a supposedly caring relationship. It is the abusers behaviour which needs to change: There is NO excuse. What About The Children ? There are established links between domestic violence and child abuse. Children may themselves be injured or abused or may be at risk of accidental injury, and they also suffer indirectly even when not directly abused themselves: they are often more aware of the abuse than their parents realize. Some abusers threaten that if their partner leaves or tells anyone about the violence, their children will be taken away from them. Social Services will not take children away for this reason. If you fear your partner will abduct the children, you should seek advice. Your local Women's Aid, Men's Advice Line, Law Centre, Citizens Advice Bureau, or a solicitor can advise on issues such as parental responsibility, where children should live, who they should have contact with, changes of schools and related problems. Seeking Help The most important thing you can do is to tell someone. For some the decision to seek help is quickly and easily made. For many, the process will be long and painful as they try to make the relationship work and stop the violence. The prospect of leaving an abusive relationship can be as frightening as the prospect of staying. Most people try to find help a number of times before they get what they need, and even after leaving there may still be a risk. Never be afraid to ask for help again. |
| Who Can I Talk To ? If you or someone you know are experiencing or have experienced domestic violence, there are a range of organisations that can help. Some useful U.K addresses and telephone numbers are provided here (U.S help at bottom), but there are many sources: libraries, local authorities and Citizens Advice Bureaux are good sources of further information. Women's Aid National Domestic Violence Helpline Tele: 0345023468 This service can give you support, help and information. They will discuss the practical and legal options available, and if you wish refer you to a local Women's Aid refuge and advice service, or other sources of help. All calls are taken in strictest confidence. The helpline is open from 10am to 5pm Monday to Thursday and from 10am to 3pm on Fridays. Outside these hours you can contact your local Women's Aid service through the local phone book, or access the Women's Aid website (www.womansaid.org.uk ) |
| Men's Advice Line And Enquiries Tele: 0181 644 9914 Information, support and advice to men experiencing domestic violence. Open from 9am to 10pm, Monday to Wednesday. Local projects for men are available in some areas. Don't be 'Macho', get help - you also need help if you are experiencing domestic violence. ShelterLine Tele: 0808 800 4444 Emergency access to refuge services. If you are abused by the person you live with, or someone connected with you as an ex-partner, you may decide it is best to leave your home. If you have nowhere else to go, you may wish to consider contacting the helplines on this page or the housing department of your local council. The council should provide a 24-hour emergency homelessness service. If they consider that you are vulnerable because you are at risk of domestic violence, and that it would not be reasonable for you to continue living at your home, they must provide you with temporary accommodation such as a place in a hostel, bed-and-breakfast hotel or refuge. The Police Many kinds of domestic abuse are criminal offences, and the police take all domestic violence very seriously. Most forces have specially trained, experienced officers who will listen and speak to you separately from your partner. Women can ask to be seen by a woman officer and a safe place for you to go. Their first priorities are your safety and well-being and, if applicable the safety and well-being of your children. To contact the police in an emergency, dial 999. At other times, you can contact your local police station. |
| National Child Protection Helpline (NSPCC) 0800 800 500 Also you can go to this website: http://www.nspcc.org.uk for more help and information. Legal Protection Whether or not the police use the criminal law against a violent person, you can still use the civil law to get protection to allow you to live in safety. Under the Family Law Act 1996, many people experiencing domestic violence can apply for court orders against their abusers. For example, you can apply for an order against someone you live with or have lived with (whether or not you have been married), someone you have agreed to marry, or someone with whom you share parental responsibility for a child. These orders can stop the abusive behaviour itself, or in some cases prevent the abusive person from entering the home. Courts can attach a power of arrest so that if the order is not obeyed, the abuser can be taken to court by the police. If you are on Income Support or have a very low income you may be able to get legal aid to pay for a solicitor's advice and legal proceedings. You can find out more from the police, a solicitor, your local magistrates' court or county court. |
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