Oh so well
1992
It felt like we had reached Hell
Freedom was taken
From my innocent tyke
Diabetes came calling
A life altering strike
The pain and confusion
A terrible brew
The tears and frustrations
But what could we do
We dealt with the needles
The finger pokes too
But the most heartbreaking moment
Came one morning at two
A month after diagnosis
We still barely slept
Into our room
Tiny footsteps had crept
With her thumb in her mouth
Her fingers twirling her hair
My sweet little babe
Had a question to share
“Mommy”, she asked me
As she cuddled so near
“When do I die?”
I couldn’t see past the tear
A question so simple
Not filled with dread
Just a worrying notion
That had entered her head
She wasn’t really afraid
She didn’t understand ‘die’
But when would she see us again
Dad, her sister and I?
That was the worry
That kept her awake
Alone in her room
Waiting for death to take
Her away from us
For a month she had wondered
When would she go?
What does it mean?
And I didn’t know
My heart it was broken
I hugged her so tight
Vowing to never let go
Or give up the fight
When I asked why
She thought she would die
Her ‘literal’ thoughts
Made me understand why
“But I have a disease
It is called ‘die’ abetes
And I was ‘cared about dying
Cuz I’m not sure what ‘die’ is”
I don’t have to tell you
For me, no more sleep came that night
When I told her she wouldn’t die
She curled up so tight
So soundly she slept
After getting the news
She wasn’t going away
She was not going to lose…us
I lay awake tortured
Thinking of this secret she kept
A month waiting for death
Did it come when she slept?
Almost 8 years has passed
Since that horrific night
And my vow I have kept
To keep up the fight
My eleven year old
Is happy, mischevious, and fun
Diabetes starts wars
But many battles we have won
Diabetes will not take her
Of that we are sure
Cause Erica now dreams
Of something called ‘the cure’
She still doesn’t understand ‘die’
But this I can tell
She SURE understands living
And she does it SO well!
Barb Chafe…mom to Erica an 11-year-old diabetic, who is now pumping insulin.
