"Yikes!" the blonde cried out as she looked around her for any signs of
trouble.
"It sounds like the Barrachus," Xena reminisced.
"I wonder what this does?" asked the bard as she pushed a silver lever away from her. The boat lurched forward so abruptly that both women were thrown to the floor. "Oof!" the Amazon exhaled as her rump connected with a portion of the metal railing that encircled the deck.
As they regained their balance, the warrior took a moment to bestow upon the bard a rather daunting snarl. Gabrielle glared back at Xena and rubbed her backside.
"That's what you get for trying something without knowing what it is,"
the warrior happily threw the bard's words back at her.
"Hey," quipped Gabrielle. "At least I got the boat moving."
"I'll give you that much," the warrior granted with a hidden smile.
"Now what?" asked the Amazon as they both approached the control panel a second time.
"Hold on," ordered Xena as she moved the lever slowly forward and guided the yacht away from the island with the steering wheel.
"Wow," cracked Gabrielle. "You really do have many skills."
Xena smiled slyly and winked at her partner. Unfortunately for both of
them, Xena's skills did not include recognizing when a fuel gauge was
fast approaching Empty.
"Here comes Taahpert again."
Colleen scrunched up her perfect little nose.
"I don't know why you guys react so negatively to him," stated Sean. "He's a good looking guy and clearly successful."
"You got a crush on him, Sean?" laughed Kelly.
"No. I just don't know what's wrong with you women these days," he
said defensively. "I mean, you're stranded on a deserted island for over a month with an old guy, a lazy guy, a fat, naked, gay guy, and a fairly attractive surgeon and you all still refuse to sleep with me!"
"We aren't here for sex, Sean," the co-ed explained.
"Why not?!" bellowed the doctor.
"We came here to win a million dollars, ya dumbass," Soo chimed in. "Not to get laid."
"But don't you see? You could have both!" he desperately tried to
convince them.
"We don't want both!" growled Kelly.
"Ever?" asked Jenna.
"No," Kelly sighed. "I mean with him."
Jenna considered this. "But what if he was the last man on Earth?"
"Yeah!" Sean chirped through his swollen nasal passages. "What if I was the last man on Earth?"
"Sean," Kelly replied solemnly. "If you were the last man on Earth...
Soozin would be gettin' her Wiglesworth."
"Gruesome mental picture!" Colleen squealed and waved her hands in
an attempt to push the image away.
Upon reaching the campsite, Tapert heard only Colleen's remark. "Let
me guess..." he broke in uninvited. "Sears showed you a preview of the new show."
"Sears has a new show?" asked an intrigued Jenna. "Is it on the Home
Shopping Network?"
"What?" questioned Tapert.
"I really need to buy some new bedding for the girls when I get home," said the young mother of two.
"Ooo..." moaned Soozin. "Maybe Sears is gonna give us a free shoppin' spree!"
"Why would Steve give you wenches anything for free?" asked Tapert.
"Who's Steve?" inquired Kelly.
"Sears!" he barked. "Steven Sears!"
"Maybe he wants ta promote his store, Taahpert," Soo said condescendingly.
"What the hell are you talking about?" asked the befuddled executive
producer.
"I'm talkin' 'bout free booty," replied Soo. "Whaddaya think I was talkin' about?"
I'd like some free booty, thought Sean, who had been pouting ever since losing his audience to the red-haired TV exec.
"I thought you were talking about Sheen..."
"Why don't youse broads shut yer pieholes!" interrupted Rudy. "Ya got
nothin' important ta say, so don't say nothin'!"
"Hey!" shouted Colleen.
"Hush, girlie!" the old man instructed.
"No, really!" the co-ed continued, pointing out to sea. "Isn't that Probst's yacht?"
Tapert and the Survivors turned their attention toward the large motor boat as it sailed past their camp.
"I wonder if Jeff is feeling better?" asked Jenna of no one in particular. "He was acting a little peculiar today."
"He don't usually take this route," said the always suspicious Soo. "What's he up to?"
"There was a yacht nearby and none of you reprobates felt the need
to share that information with me?" howled Tapert. He took a few angry strides towards the water. "I could have been out of here two days ago!!!"
At that moment, the landlocked spectators heard the yacht's distant
motor sputter and expire.
momentum.
Xena pushed the metal lever as far forward as it would go but the engine failed to respond.
"It died," the perplexed warrior announced.
"You killed it?" asked the bewildered bard. "I mean, Xena... You've killed a lot of things in your time, but to kill a boat?!"
"I didn't kill it!" the brunette said defensively. "It just died!"
"Boats don't die!"
"Well, this one did!" Xena pushed the Power button a few times and
bent down to look under the control console with the same false mechanic know-how as many a deluded 20th century man. "All I see here are a bunch of wires."
"What's that?" asked a very still Gabrielle.
"What's what?" replied Xena, looking up at the blonde.
"Listen," the Amazon whispered.
A low whistling sound could be heard coming from the vast open space above the ocean. The warrior stood to get a better take on the noise, a swelling breeze blowing back her hair. Her brow creased in deep concern as the noise continued to grow louder until it howled like a shrieking banshee. "Hold on to something, Gabrielle!" she shouted as a great gust of wind hit the side of the boat.
"Not another freak water incident!" cried the harried bard as the waves began to rise and the boat was blown toward shore.
"Ow! That hurts!" whined the already bruised Sean as he and the other onlookers shielded their faces from the stinging sand and water that had started coming their way.
Within minutes, the once powerful Survivor yacht was forced onto the
beach by the mighty breeze. And if that weren't impressive enough, once the boat met the shore, it was toppled over onto its side, the warrior and bard sent tumbling to the wet sand beneath them.
"Sonofabacchae!" growled Xena, rolling into a standing position.
"What was that you said earlier about the Island Goddesses stopping us from escaping?" queried Gabrielle as she lifted herself up onto her elbows.
"You know..." the warrior confessed while slapping the saturated grit
from her leathers. "Sometimes I'd like to be wrong about something."
"Oh you are, Warrior Princess," cracked Gabrielle as she rose to her feet. "You just never want to admit it."
"Very funny," Xena said flatly as she approached her grimy partner. "You got a little right there," she pointed to the blonde's breasts.
"Where?" Gabrielle looked down and was met with a gentle flick to the
nose.
"Gotcha," the warrior chuckled and walked away.
Gabrielle closed her eyes, knowing she'd fallen for one of the oldest tricks in the book. She shook her head, smiled and followed after her soulmate.
whirlpool appeared and out of it stepped godconnie and Mezzo with Rich in tow.
"You've got the supplies and you know what to do, right, Rich?" asked
godconnie.
"Yeah. Sure." replied the always-arrogant Rich. The Island Goddesses
looked at each other, realizing they had, indeed, entered into a deal with the devil himself. But what were a couple of gorgeous girls to do?
Mezzo looked at her watch. "Heavens! Look at the time. Come on,
Goddess of all things Connie. We have much more multi-tasking to
accomplish." godconnie nodded and the two stepped back through the
whirlpool.
Rich tucked his supplies away. He would need them later. His heart still hurt to find out that Gabe was really Gabrielle. But this Tapert guy had a lot of charm in a receding hairline kind of way. He was tall and had curly red hair and a lovely, plump ass. Rich sighed. But Tapert was no Gabe. Still, this was his chance at winning the game, the glory...and the money. Rich set about the task at hand.
