She walked through the door to see him lying in bed flipping through the channels. He doesn’t even look up and acknowledge me, she thought. She shook her head as she strolled over to the bed and sat on the edge,
“Can we talk?” He muted the television but never took his eyes from it. She sighed, was it too much for him to pay attention to her? This kind of stuff was part of the problem she sighed as she crossed her arms,
“Nick, can you turn off the TV so we can talk?” He sighed heavily, turned off the TV and looked at her, his face void of any emotion except boredom. She wanted to smack the hell out of him for that.
He was tired of it all. Why does she need so much attention all the time? What does she want to try and talk about now, he wondered as he turned the TV off and looked at her? She always wants to have some damn Oprah moment and nothing ever comes of it. It’s the same old thing and nothing ever changes. Great, now I get to have attitude too, he sighed as he looked at her arms crossed over her chest. This is getting to be too much. He loved her. Loved her even more now then he did a year ago but it just wasn’t working. He knew living with his life and his schedule wasn’t easy but he was tired of apologizing for it. In fact, he didn’t think he should have to. It’s HIS life and no one was trapped in it but him, they could leave if they couldn’t handle it. Not that he would be happy with her gone but he was tired of bending over backwards. He snapped back to attention as her faint voice traveled through the air,
“What’s wrong with us?” He sighed, the million-dollar question with an answer he didn’t know. Maybe he did know he just didn’t want to say, didn’t want to tell her that she was what was wrong so he shrugged it off,
“I don’t know.”
She rolled her eyes. I don’t know? That was it? That was all the effort he was going to put into making things better? She was tired of it. Every time she tried to figure things out she could never get more than three words out of him. Whenever she got up the courage to initiate a conversation about their relationship, nothing was ever resolved. She was nagging he would say. Well, if he would talk, she thought, it would be communication. He was no longer around, he didn’t pay attention to her anymore, and it didn’t seem to be worth it anymore. She understood his life, it wasn’t easy and she accepted that, but the times that they were together she just wanted to enjoy. Without the TV, the video games, the friends, the clubs every night, the appearances at radio stations even on the group’s off time.
“I don’t think this is working anymore.” She frowned at her own words. Where did that come from? She always made sure to steer clear of such words during their conversations for fear that he would agree and she didn’t want it to be over. She held her breath as she waited for his reply; hoping he would run over and grab her in his arms and tell her they could make it work.
Her words hit him hard. Was she saying it was over? Those weren’t words he really wanted to hear. Sure, he was tired and things weren’t good but he did love her. But, if that’s what she wanted he would go along with it. Maybe it was time; maybe things would never get better. If only she hadn’t become so clingy and needy. She didn’t even trust him anymore. Always calling and wanting to know whom he was with and what they were doing? He didn’t like to be checked up on like that. It made him want to avoid her and not talk as much. He began to call at times when he knew she wouldn’t be home just so he could leave a message. That way she couldn’t say he didn’t call and he wouldn’t have to deal with the third degree. He sighed,
“No, its not.”
God, what had she done? Her vision was blurred from the tears in her eyes. Three words, damn three word again she thought. Why can’t he talk? He could sing damn twenty songs a night but he couldn’t give her more than three words. He just seemed to stop talking to her. When they were first together he would call and they would talk about what he was doing or where he was going. What funny thing had happened or what tourist attraction they visited; he would tease her about the gift he had bought her, telling her how perfect it was but would never tell her. Now, he told her none of that. She loved hearing those stories. She had to ask all the questions now and he didn’t seem very enthusiastic about telling her. They hardly ever talked on the phone now. Maybe once a week while he was away and the rest of the time was phone tag and messages. It seemed like his phone was either off or when it was on he was never around to answer it. There were times when she wondered why she could never get in contact with him and the more he was never around the more she wondered if he was out with the women but she never mentioned that to him. She had no proof and its not like he would come out and admit it. And gifts, those had stopped as well. She didn’t want some diamond bracelet from every city. Hell, he could have brought her back a T-shirt, a key chain or some damn trinket off the street. Didn’t matter, she just wanted to know that she was thought of.
“So, are we over?” She held her breath and hoped,
“I guess so.” He stood up and walked out of the room. Damn, she thought as she finally lost the battle and the tears ran down her face, not even a moment of hesitation. Then she smiled wryly as she heard his answer in her head, three words, she laughed bitterly,
“At least he’s consistent.” She dragged herself into the bathroom. As she stripped down she thought about what an exhausting day it had been; and it ends with breaking up. Kind of like a cherry on top, she thought. She stood in the shower and the water mixed with her tears and went down the drain just like yet another relationship. Maybe its me, she thought. I am the constant factor in these failed relationships. She sighed and finally stepped out of the shower. She was drained, I can’t possibly have any more tears she thought as she wrapped herself in a towel and returned to the bedroom. Her eyes fell on his back as he was going through his drawers. A suitcase was on the bed and it was obvious he was packing. She hung her head, what the hell is going on? Its over, ended and neither of them ever put up a fight. Just as she lifted her head, her eyes connected with his.
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