“I’m going to go stay at a friend’s place and you can stay here until you decide what you want to do…you know, where you want to stay...I could give you some money to get you started if you need it.” The love wasn’t gone and he had no hate towards her at all. Guess it just wasn’t meant to be.
“That’s ok. I don’t need the money, I’ll be fine.” He smiled he knew she would be fine and he also knew if she DID need the money she would still say everything was ok. Such a stubborn ass, he thought.
“Since, its over and done with…and I know you don’t like to talk about this kind of stuff…but can you at least try to tell me why it’s over for you…I mean, why you think its best?” He sat on the bed and sighed, now that it was over, in his mind, that was even more of a reason why they shouldn’t get into this,
“I…I just don’t want the stress and the pressure anymore.”
The stress and the pressure; she was stress and pressure? She was always there for him and frankly she thought she was the least stressful thing in his life. His damn family caused him more stress and pressure, she thought. His “big brothers” caused him stress and pressure. His damn fans, his career, those were stress. Not her, she truly required nothing from him but love. His relationship with his big brothers, whom she knew loved him, required more than love. They required his time and his talent. Even his family expected his talent sometimes in their relationship with him. She walked into the closet and returned with one of his old jerseys on. She glanced at him as she cleared the bed and took him by the hand,
“OK, lets talk ok because I can’t end it like this and it will drive me crazy.”
“What do you mean stress and pressure? I cause you stress and pressure? I don’t think I require much-“ He held up his hands,
“Look, I don’t want to fight ok? So, lets just forget it.”
“No…look I’m sorry, I just don’t understand.” He stood up and ran his hand through his hair,
“I’m tired of you questioning me all the time about what I’m doing and who I’m with. Its like you don’t trust me.” She sighed,
“I don’t question you and sometimes I wonder if I should trust you. When you’re gone you never call and you barely talk when you do.” His voice matched her irritation,
“Because I’m tired of not being trusted. I don’t want the responsibility of a relationship ok? I don’t want to be responsible for your-“ His words ended and he looked away. She frowned and asked even though she wasn’t sure she wanted to know,
“Responsible for my what?” He regretted even starting that sentence. He sighed,
“Your happiness. I don’t want to be responsible for making you happy.” That hit her in the stomach and she didn’t realize he thought he had to be the sole reason for her happiness. For the first time he was talkative and she wish he wasn’t as he continued,
“Its just that when I first met you, you had your own things going on. Even that day I met you, I had to go to you, and you hardly approached me at all. Hell, even when you were the one that came up to me, I was still the one doing all the work.” He laughed a little,
“Even though I didn’t know it at the time. Now, you want to know everything I’m doing when I’m away and you call all the time and, I don’t know.” She shook her head,
“I still have my own things going on I just make time for yours as well because I’m interested in what you do. You know, to me, showing interest shows love and it hurts when you don’t ask me what’s going on in my life. Its like it’s not important and you don’t care. The only reason I question you all the time is because you never talk to me about what you do anymore. In the beginning, I didn’t HAVE to ask because you always told me every little thing that happened when you were on the road. Remember that? I miss that. That’s why I ask you questions. I mean…we never talk at all. About anything, the weather, our lives, nothing. Why?”
What the hell? It was HIS fault? It wasn’t his fault. What the hell is going on he thought,
“So, you’re saying it’s my fault?” She shook her head,
“No, its not your fault, its no one’s fault. Or its both our faults I guess. I wasn’t asking you questions because I doubted you, I was just interested in a part of your life that’s all.” He shook his head and widened his eyes,
“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” She sighed,
“I tried.” He raised his eyebrows,
“Ok, maybe not as well as I did just now but-“ He looked again,
“But nothing, I guess I didn’t do a good job but you don’t communicate anymore.” He smiled and sighed,
“When did I ever communicate?”
Damn, she thought, so this is MY fault? True, he had never been good at expressing himself and his feelings even during good times. So, it was crazy to think he would open up during the bad,
“No, you didn’t. So, it bothered you that much that I called you and asked you what was going on?” He nodded his head,
“Yeah, I thought you were checking up on me. It seemed like you were always asking questions and then when I didn’t talk; you started really asking questions for like, no reason.” She looked down at the carpet,
“I thought something was wrong, you never talked and when you would come back home you never showed me any attention.” He sighed and threw up his hands,
“See that’s another thing…you always want so much attention. And you always want to talk like we’re on some talk show.” She stood up and began to talk with her hands, as her voice got louder,
“Nick, I always want to talk because it was obvious there was something wrong and it wasn’t getting better.” He shook his head,
“Yeah, your questions and you needing attention all the time.” She yelled,
“I thought we settled the questions thing. I was just interested in what you were doing because I loved you and we probably should have went on a talk show since your ass can’t talk anything out.” He picked up his suitcase, placed it back on the bed and went back to packing,
“Well, it really doesn’t matter anymore does it? Cause its over.” She walked over and knocked the suitcase onto the floor.
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Part 3