| A Father Found |
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| Background My husband, Terry grew up in Pembroke, Ontario. His parents had married young after his mother had become pregnant. His father was in the armed forces. Partly because of the absences and mostly due to youth, the couple decided to separate when Terry and his brother Rick were very young. Not long after, Terry's mother Eunice, passed away. Terry was always told that she had died of complications due to thyroid surgery. We have recently been told that she had a heart attack. Terry was 3 years old, and his brother only 1 and a half. Terry's father was out west at the time, had no money (who did in the early 50's?) and hitchhiked across half the country to go to the funeral. He was late arriving, the family turned him away, and rather than make trouble for the boys, he left and went back out west. He truly intended to come back after things calmed down, but as time passed, he felt awkward about interfering in the boy's lives. |
| This picture of Terry's dad was taken in Korea about 1951. It was one of only 2 pictures that Terry owned of his dad. |
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| The Beginnings of a Search After his grandmother passed away in 1970, Terry left Pembroke and moved to Sudbury to work in the mines. He stayed 3 years. Then on a whim, he drove to Toronto one day with a friend. He was taken by the lifestyle, so he stayed. Terry sometimes wondered about his father. As he travelled, he often looked in phonebooks, calling various numbers throughout Ontario, hoping to make contact. He was afraid to look very hard though, because he was so afraid that he would find out his father was deceased. He had no knowledge about his father other than his name. Most of his cousins were too young to know anything, and his aunt and older cousins avoided his questions. After Terry and I started dating in 1986 he often expressed his desire to look for his father to me. I tried to encourage him, but always he would hit brick walls when trying to find out information to help us. He still had the fear of learning that his father had died, or that his father would reject him. We thought of trying to find him through the Salvation Army, but Terry would chicken out at the last minute every time. All we had to go on really, were a couple of photos that his dad had sent to his mom from Korea when Terry was a baby, his father's name, and little else. How could we trace this man? It seemed impossible... |
| Childhood without a Father Terry and Rick were then raised by their grandmother, Margaret. She was a woman of modest means, who rented rooms and raised chickens to feed and clothe her grandchildren. Terry's father was never really discussed while Terry grew up. Terry had memories of cards coming at Christmas and on birthdays from some relatives out in British Columbia. He has no memories of meeting any of his paternal relatives. Both of the children were greatly affected by growing up without their parents, but the absence of a male role model affected them in ways they are still discovering. Some of the effects are more obvious than others. Terry's brother was rebellious and angry. He was in and out of trouble throughout his childhood and most of his adult life. He is an alcoholic (presently sober) and has been in reform schools, hospitals, and jails. He has been on a quest for his father since he was a teen. Terry, however, was the opposite. He was obedient, shy, quiet and loving towards his grandmother. He did whatever he could to demonstrate his appreciation to his grandmother while he lived with her. She passed away when Terry was 20, and his life was never the same. Always, in the back of his mind were thoughts of a father that he never knew, but he didn't actively seek him out the way Rick had. However, it has been difficult for him to relate to family life. He has no clear understanding of how to be a husband or a father, as he did not experience any of this until he was almost 40 years old. |
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| This was the second picture that Terry had of his dad. On the back it said: "This one represents 5 hours of guard duty in a fox-hole. Lots of fun eh! I'm also mailing a set of Korean silk pyjamas for Terry. I hope they fit. Miryang Korea 8/2/51 I still love you, Darling." |
| This note was especially poignant because not only did Terry not have very many photos of either his parents or himself, he often wondered if he was loved by his father. When Terry was showing me the few pictures he had of his early years, we noticed that in one of the better baby picture he had of himself, Terry was wearing little silk Korean pyjamas! Between what was written on the back of the photograph, and actually realizing that he was seeing himself in those same pyjamas, it seemed to prove the love his father must have felt for him. This increased Terry's desire to find his roots, and he often spoke about trying to trace him through the Salvation Army, or perhaps Canada Pensions. He never would do more than talk about it though. It was too frightening a step for him. |
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| Just look at this cute little guy wearing the silk pyjamas his daddy sent him all the way from Korea! His daddy sure must have loved him a lot! This picture was taken of Terry in Pembroke in his grandmothers backyard in September 1951. He was 17 months old. |
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