Shalon:
We get to be on T.V.!
Vicky: We are going to be
SO famous! everyone will love and adore us! Do you think
Heero will like me more?
Shalon: er... |
Episode 10: Game Show, Guns, and Celebrities
The
ASV gang are in the NBC studios backstage, waiting to appear
on the cool new game show, The Weakest Link.
Duo:
I can't believe we're actually here.
Shalon: Neither can I. This is going to be fun!
Wufei: Hnm...*crosses his arms*
Vicky: Hey Quatre, there is suppose to be 8 players
but there is only 7 of us... whos the 8th?
Quatre: I don't know. I guess we will find out soon
enough.
The
door to the dressing room suddenly opens. A girl enters and
promptly begins to talk
Girl:
Hello I'm Lorra san. I'm going to be on Weakest Link! Are
you my make up and hair crew? Im So excited to be here
and this is so great and I get to meet so many cool people
like you Quatre I have heard so much about you it is such
a pleasure....
Vicky: Hello Lorra! I'm...
Lorra: Oh My God! Is that Duo? DUO MAXWELL!
Duo
lets out nervous laughter.
Lorra
pushes her way through the group, and glomps Duo.
Duo:
Ack!!
Shalon:
Hey! Just who do you think you are? You can't just go around
glomping people like that.
Russell
Crowe walks by and Vicky immediately squeals and glomps him.
Shalon:
*eye twitch*
Quatre: Umm...whats Russell Crowe doing at NBC?
Vicky: Who cares!!!
Heero: Whats he got thats so special? I
bet he can't even pilot a Gundam.
Duo: What do you care Heero?
Heero: Hn.
Russell
Crowe: Umm...I'm afraid I have to be going now...*disengages
Vicky from him and runs as fast as he can down the hall*
Vicky:
W-wait wait wait!!!
Shalon:
*pats Vicky on the back.* It's for the best. I think you made
Heero jealous.
Vicky:
*looks thoughtful* Oh. *happily glomps Heero*
Duo:
Hahaha!!
Heero:
Hn.
Shalon
yanks Duo's braid.
Shalon:
That's enough, Duo. You promised that you would behave.
Tech Crew: 5 Minutes!!!
Lorra: Oooo! So exciting. I think I have butterflies
flying around in my stomach I am just so nervous going out
in front of a TV and all.
Vicky: Ooo yayness!!! I'm so excited to meet Anne!!
Duo: What? Anne? *look of shear terror crosses his
face*
Shalon: What's wrong Duo? Are you afraid?
Wufei: Now there is a woman to be respected. *looks
at Duo* Haha!! Looks like he's going to piss his pants!
Duo: Shut UP! I am not!
Shalon: You would too if you knew what she was like!
Wufei: I fear NO woman!
Duo: You'll fear this one.
Anne
walks into the room.
Duo:
oh shit oh shit oh shit!
Anne: Stuttering problems little girl? Or is you vocabulary
just limited?
Duo: *cringe*
Anne: I am Anne Robinson and I'm the host of the show.
I hope you all are ready to be embarrassed and demeaned in
front of 2 million or so people.
Tech
Guy: Ok boys and girls lets get a move on.
The
Tech Guy leads them to the soundstage. All they can see are
the contestant spots and the podium where Anne sets her self
up.
Tech
Guy: ONE MINUTE!!
Lorra:
OOOOOh exciting!
Duo:
Ummm I got to go pee? Where is the nearest bathroom?
Shalon:
You should have gone before!
Trowa:
*Trowa pulls on his braid.* Oh no you don't. You aren't sneaking
off anywhere. If the rest of us have to suffer, so do you.
Tech Guy: and we are on in 5, 4, 3...
Everyone
runs and gets into their pre-drawn spots
1: Heero
2: Vicky
3: Trowa
4: Duo
5: Shalon
6: Quatre
7: Lorra san
8: Wufei
Tech
Guy: Aaannnd were ON!
Anne: Hello, and welcome to the Weakest Link. Now without
further adieu lets get started! Let's play the "Weakest
Link." Start the clock.
Anne: Heero, What is Relena's brother's name?
Heero: *smirks at how easy it is* Zechs.
Anne: That is incorrect. Milliardo Peacecraft is the
correct answer.
Heero: *blanches* WHAT?
Duo: She asked for his name dumbass, not his alias.
Anne: *shoots him a glance* I wouldn't talk, your turn
is coming up little girl
Duo: Eep!
Anne: Vicky....
Vicky: *lets out a little squeak* Yes?
Anne: I hope thats not your normal voice! You
sound like a stock pig. In what episode does Duo have a band-aid
on his nose? And it's not very flattering either, I might
add.
Duo: HEY! You just had to bring that up didn't you?!!!
Vicky: Umm umm...Bank!
Shalon: Psst Vix, you can't bank!
Anne: You don't have any money to bank, or did you
skip math class in grade school?
Vicky: Eep! How did you know that? Umm...I mean...drat.
Anne: Moving on. Trowa! What sport were Dorothy and
Quatre playing in Episode 31?
Trowa:
Fencing.
Anne:
Very good. It seems that someone here does have an education.
Anne
turns to the next victim...err...contestant
Anne:
*smirks* Little Girl....
Duo: *grumble* My name is Duo.
Anne: What was that, little girl?
Duo: Umm...Nothing...Nothing at all.
Vicky: Duo, don't look at her eyes!!
Duo: Shut up your distracting me!
Anne: How was Deathscythe destroyed?
Duo: I know this! I know this!
Anne: Really? Do tell us.
Duo: Well you see it's all Trowa's fault. He was working
for Oz and to prove himself he... oh it was horrible!! I saw
it all!! *breaks down into tears*
Anne: *looks to the judges* Can we accept that? *judges
consent* We'll take that as a correct answer, Mr. Maxwell.
Wufei: Pull yourself together Maxwell! You're on national
television!!!
Duo: Oh right. *nervous laughter*
Anne: Shalon....
Shalon: BANK!
Anne: Which one of the Gundam pilots is the oldest?
Shalon: What kind of a question is that? Of course
it would be Trowa.
Anne: Correct. Quatre...Who does Relena try to shoot?
Quatre: She tried to shoot Lady Une. Which I personally
think was very un-pacifistic of her.
Relena: *from the audience* Shut Up, WINNER!
Heero: What the hell she doing here???
Relena: I'm just here to give you some moral support
Heero. *gives a dreamy sigh*
Vicky: Over my dead body!
Relena: I'm sure that could be arranged!
Heero: I thought I had a restraining order against
you? You are not to be within 1000 feet of me.
Anne: Are we going to have to remove you from the audience
young lady?
Relena:
Do you know who I am? I'm the Queen!
Anne:
Sounds to me that you are more delusional than anything!
Duo:
*Laughs* youve got that right!!
Anne:
Security...
Two
tall buff guys in black shirts come and carry Relena away.
Relena:
You can't keep me away from you forever Heero. I'll be BACK!!!
Vicky: God I hope not!
Heero: *looking relieved* You and me both.
Anne: Lets Move on. Lorra
Lorra: EEEEEE!!! Hi Anne! It's a pleasure. I've been
looking forward to this day ever since I got picked to be
a contestant.
Anne: Uh huh... I can see you will not be lasting long
at this game. Now, which of the Gundam pilots has 29 sisters?
Lorra: EEEEEEEEEE!!! I know this!! Quatre-sama!!
Anne: Correct
Lorra: Can I kiss Duo now?
Shalon: WHAT?
Lorra: *leans over her podium and bats her eyelashes
at Duo* Heya hot stuff.
Duo: *stupid grin*
Shalon: Hey! None of that!
Anne: We are moving on now! Wufei...
Wufei: *smirks* Come on Woman give me the best youve
got!
Anne: What is the model number of Epyon?
Wufei: *jaw drops* WHAT???!!!!
Anne: You heard me.
Wufei: What kind of *bleep* question is that!? *sputters*
No living human being would know the answer to that question.
Heero: I know what it is.
Wufei: Shut up Heero.
Anne:
You don't know? And you call your self a Gundam Pilot! Next
time I recommend that you don't get cocky with me young man.
You have lost the money your team mates earned. Sad isn't
it?
Duo:
MwAHAH!
Lorra
shoots a glare at Wufei.
Anne:
So this round you managed to collect $200. Pathetic. Now we
get to find out who's the rotten tooth that needs to be pulled.
The
lights on the stage dim and everyone picks up their pen to
start vote off the weakest link.
Announcer:
Statistically this round Shalon was the strongest link, answering
all her questions correctly and banking the most money for
the round. Wufei is the weakest link, loosing the most money
in this round. But its the votes that count.
Anne: And voting is over. Let's see who is the Weakest
Link!
Heero: I say Wufei.
Anne: You two are good friends why would you vote him
off?
Heero: Because he's an idiot
Vicky: Wufei.
Trowa: Wufei.
Duo: Wufei.
Shalon: Wufei.
Quare: Wufei.
Lorra: Wufei.
Wufei: Duo.
Anne: Well it looks unanimous. *turns to Duo* Duo!
Why Wufei?
Duo: Cause he pulls on my braid all the time!
I would pull his pony tail but its so greasy and slick
I can't get a good grip
Wufei: *growls* Maxwell....
Anne
turns to Wufei.
Anne:
Well Wufei. The votes are against you. You are the weakest
link. Goodbye!
Wufei: Injustice!!
Vicky: *rolls eyes*
Cuts
to the interview scene with Wufei...
Wufei:
I think I was set up. That wasn't fair voting. Duo had it
in for me since the beginning. I'll get him back though...you
wait and see!
Cuts
back to the stage.
Anne:
And now we're on to round two of The Weakest Link! Heero,
where did Duo meet Hilde?
Duo: Oh!! I know, I know!
Vicky: Its not your turn dumb ass! *sticks out
tongue at Duo*
Heero: *looks proud* Hn...too easy. L2 of course.
Duo: Crash and burn man!
Vicky: Totally
Anne: That is incorrect.
Duo: Yeah! I met her on the moon! Sheesh , and they
call you the Perfect Soldier.
Vicky: But he's perfect in other ways... *grins*
Shalon: *groan* I really didn't need to hear that.
Anne: Right. Lets carry on...Vicky, Who first
piloted Wing Zero?
Vicky: Russell Crowe!
Anne: Excuse me?
Vicky: *high pitch squeals* OMG! Its Russell
Crowe! *runs off set* Oh Russell! My sweet manly gladiator!
Its me!
Russell:
*off Stage* Good god woman!
Heero
pulls out a gun, audience screams.
Duo:
Whoa! Yuy man
what do you think youre doing buddy?
Heero: No pansy ass gladiator is going to take away
my girl!
Quatre: I didn't know they were going out...
Shalon: They're not. I think it's just jealousy.
Anne: Security?
Duo: Gladiator envy!
Shalon: Yep. That's it!
Lorra: Whoa! Check out the action! Duo will protect
me. Won't ya Duo? *runs and glomps Duo*
Quatre: I didn't know you two were going out...
Shalon: They're NOT!
Duo: *nervous laughter*
Anne: Possessive.
Shalon: Shut up.
Relena: *from audience* HEERO!!!!
Anne: What the *Bleep*
Duo: How did you get back in here?
Relena: I still love you! Come to meeeeeeeeeee!
Heero: *focused* Must kill Gladiator. Omae o Korosu!!
*Runs off after Vicky*
Relena: Oh Heero, don't go! *Runs off after Heero*
Anne: Where the hell is security! Youre all fired
after the show!
Trowa: Get together games personified.
Shalon: I think this takes it to a whole new level.
Quatre: We should never be allowed to play games ever
again. *thinks* Didnt we establish that last time?
Duo: Yep.
Shalon: I think we just conveniently forgot.
Anne: *clears her throat* Lets carry on. With
two more out of the running we seem to be moving along quickly.
So Trowa, next question: How many eyebrows does Dorothy have?
Duo: *laughs out loud* Good luck!
Trowa: *thinks for a moment* Well one would be tempted
to say 4, but the answer is 2.
Duo: She can poke eyes out with those things. They
are dangerous!
Dorothy: *from the audience* Just wait till I test
it after the show, Maxwell.
Duo: *gulp*
Quatre: How did she get in here?
Shalon: Everyone else appears out of nowhere. Why not
her?
Anne: You do have a knack for making enemies, Mr. Maxwell.
That is the correct answer, Mr. Barton. Next question *turns
to Duo* Ahh, my favorite contestant.
Duo: Do I have to be? I mean there are other really
good contestants
Like Lorra here. *points to Lorra who
is still clinging to him.*
Anne: I like making you squirm. *snaps fingers* Security!
Please escort Miss. Lorra back to her place.
Two
butch security guys come and take Lorra back to her podium.
Lorra:
I won't be far Duo!
Duo: eee
Anne: Your question is
what is the square root
of 5879?
Lorra: That doesnt fit...
Duo: Is that legal? *looks at the judges* I thought
this was a Gundam Wing special program?
Anne: Oh it's special...a special question for you
little girl. *smiles broadly*
Judges
shrug and allow the question.
Duo:
*mumbles* I don't think she's human...
Anne: What was that???
Duo: Ermm...nothing, nothing. Heh, heh.
Anne: You're answer, Little Girl?
Duo: Damnit! Math was never my strong suit....Okay...umm....taking
my best guess here
umm
2?
Trowa:
NO! No you stupid, stupid idiot! The answer is 76.67!! Any
fool would know that! I don't see what the point of playing
this game is if there is no chance any of us will win. Im
surrounded by imbeciles. *growls* I can't work with these
people anymore. *stomps off stage*
Every
one looks at Trowa in surprise
Shalon:
Ooookay. I think he's finally lost it.
Quatre: Oh...poor Trowa. That's really not like him.
Do you suppose he's ok? I'd better go make sure. *Quatre runs
offstage after Trowa*
Anne: And our cast continues to diminish. I do believe
the Crazy house has lost its patients....
Shalon: *sarcastically* Perhaps you should call them
up and let them know where they are.
Anne: Oh, good one. Did you think of that yourself?
Shalon: Grrr....
Anne: It looks to be your question now, Smarty Pants.
What color car does Dorothy drive?
Dorothy: *from the audience* Just what the hell is
your obsession with me???
Duo: A very unhealthy one.
Anne: Quiet from the audience! Don't make me call security.
Dorothy: *Sits back down grumbling*
Anne: Now...your answer?
Shalon: It's a putrid yellow color.
Anne: Correct.
Dorothy: *stands back up* HEY!! I spent a lot of money
on that paint job!
Duo: Should have got your money back.
Dorothy: *glares* Ive still got your number after
the show, Maxwell!
Duo: Eep!
Lorra: Hey, no one touches my Duo-o!
Duo: I'm surrounded.
Wufei: *from the audience* Good God, Maxwell. She's
making doe eyes all over you. Spare the rest of us and get
a room!
Anne: Last warning for the audience. Shut up or else!!
Now moving on, Lorra
Lorra: BANK!
Anne: Why was Treize arrested by the Romefeller Foundation?
Lorra: Oh! Well that's easy to anyone who has seen
the episodes like twenty times like I have. I absolutely adore
Treize but I adore my Duo'kins much more isn't that right
Duo?
Duo: Hide me.
Wufei: *from the audience* Suck it up Maxwell!
Anne: *rubbing her head feeling a headache coming on*
And your answer?
Lorra: Well Treize didn't like Romefeller using those
mobile doll things which in my opinion don't look anything
like dolls but whatever and so Romefeller got all mad and
out of joint and had the poor guy arrested for just trying
to stand up for what he believes in.
Anne: Well at least one of you is somewhat on top of
things. And now...at the end of that round you managed to
bank a disappointing $100. Now we find out who goes back to
hiding under the collective dunce cap. Players...cast your
votes!
Back Stage:
Vicky: Russell! Where are you going?
Russell: Stay away!
Heero: Omae o Korosu
Announcer:
Last round, Shalon was statistically the strongest link, but
this round Lorra managed to bank the most money and she answered
her questions correctly. Duo is statistically the weakest
link, but it's the votes that count.
Anne: And voting is over. Let's see the results.
Duo: Shalon.
Shalon: Lorra
Lorra: Shalon.
Anne: Duo? Why Shalon? I thought you would have wanted
to vote off your friend Lorra.
Duo: Well see Anne... Lorra is kinda cute...
Shalon: WHAT? *hits duo over the head with the slate*
Thats it Im out of here... *walks off stage*
Lorra: Really Duo? You think I'm cute?
Duo: *blush* Umm..yeah.
Lorra: *glomp*
Wufei: *from the audience* Oh GOD! I'm blind!!
Anne:
Thats it! Someone please remove that man from the audience!
Two
rather large men take Wufei from the audience and escort him
out.
Wufei:
Unhand me! Injustice! *voice trails off as he is carried away*
Anne: *raises an eyebrow* All right, lets carry
on. Well it looks like you two are the only two players left.
That means you move on to the final round. You are playing
for a pitiful $300 dollars. I don't think we've had such a
menial total in the history of this game. But here it is,
and here is the final round.
Duo: Bring it on!
Anne: All right then. First Question, Duo...
Lorra: Wait! Duo, a kiss for good luck? *Quickly grabs
Duo and lays one on him right smack on the lips.*
Anne: *clears her throat* Excuse me.
They
keep kissing.
Anne:
HEY! This is my show! I demand you stop this act of public
indecency right now!
Lorra: *finally coming up for air.* Oh, that was so
much better then I thought it would be. What a man! *faints*
Duo: Whoa... I knew I was good, but damn...
Anne: *rubs her temples* Can we please get the paramedics
in here? And as much as I hate to admit this...Duo...you win
by default.
Duo: SWEET! EAT THAT!
Anne: Every one out...*looks at her producer* We are
NEVER having a themed show again! You hear me!
Meanwhile:
Duo
gets handed a check and is escorted out side of the studio
where the rest of the gang is handcuffed and being pushed
into a paddy wagon.
Duo:
A game show and prison all in one day! COOL!
Wufei: This is all your fault, Maxwell!
From inside the paddy wagon: ... ouch!... Hey stop pushing...
Heero is that your gun?... That was confiscated... OH....
EEEW!
Wufei: Why god why?
Episode
11: Congratulations! This is Your Vacation!
Vicky:
Thank goodness Duo won that 300 bucks... or else who
else would have bailed us out?
Shalon: A certain rich
Winner comes to mind.
Vicky: Oh right, I'm glad your here Shalon.
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