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| This is where you get to ask anything about anything. I don't care what you want or need to know - I'm here to help. All you have to do to Ask Uncle Gutsy is email me your question by clicking any of the links that say Ask Uncle Gutsy. This is the second page of answers, so to view the prior enlightenment, click here. |
| November 5th from Nathan I'm 16, and I would say I'm a relatively nice guy, who has never had a girlfriend.Why do all the girls I have ever asked out either not talk to me or just blatantly say no? Whatever happened to the complimentary first date? Well, Nathan, it's unlikely girls go out with you as it seems to me you are either a whiny little bitch, or one of those unkempt, backwards hat-wearing, ring in your nose / eyebrow / tongue, punk who has never heard of Dead Kennedys or Black Flag, zit covered, swearing at the mall / on a train in front of ladies (which is just not cool), short longs or long short wearing slackers who look like everyone else therefore showing no individuality therefore making the girls think "why go out with him when he is just like everyone else? I will go out with everyone else!". Or both. Cut your hair, have a shower, go see Midnight Oil live (they still put on the most solid show of any Aussie band), put on some jeans and a shirt with a collar then try again. If you are brushed then - go for a fatty. Guaranteed lovin' there, buddy. November 5th from Sarah Following an article in the UK's most reputable paper, The Sun, regarding the sudden enlargement of ones' breasts through massage I have become the subject of a bizarre medical experiment. While I certainly enjoy the regular massage sessions that need to be undertaken in accordance with proper scientific method, my boobies are somewhat out of control. They seem to have stopped at a D-cup but I'm afraid further "attention" will turn me into a freak. What should I do? Well, Sarah, I wouldn't worry about it. The only freaks in this story are the ones who don't understand and respect what you are doing in the name of science. I believe arrangements are being made as you read this to make this a compulsory part of future Higher School Certificates because the benefits are obvious. What a society we could live in. I have already registered the name "Uncle Gutsy's Funbag Enhancement Centre" and have aleased a building to start this vital program as soon as possible. All for our children. And our children's children etc. August 15th from E (South East London) I have this problem where I fantasize about singing chipmunks whenever I masturbate. Do you think I need psychological help or is this normal? Please help as I have "Jingle Bells" in a high pitched voice in my head constantly. Well, E, most folk I have come into contact with like to have some sort of song in their head while masturbating to keep rhythm. I believe this to be incorrect as the changing of tempo and the surprise that stems from this stimulates your partner and would also have the same effect on yourself. It is harder to surprise yourself, but don't be shy and have a go. As for the Chipmunks, I recommend to try singing their version of My Sharona which was an absolute cracker, rather than Jingle Bells. Especially the guitar solo - you could strum to your hearts' content. |