TWISTED CHOPSTICKS

Sept. 23/2003

My first and worst experience of prejudice couldn’t have come at a better time. The prejudice I endured was unforgettable, and more importantly, unforgivable. The first glimpse of the harsh realities of racism came to me at the age of eight, the stage in life when social behavior is most absorbed and mimicked. I was a vibrant, carefree, and playful typical 8-year-old girl. At this tender age I was actively involved in a lot of activities such as, soccer, swimming, arts, crafts, reading and birthday parties. Birthday parties are of utmost importance to a schoolgirls social life and self-esteem. When I received a birthday invitation from one of my closest friend, Xiaoying, I was ecstatic. I made sure I wrote when her birthday was on my calendar and I immediately went out to find the perfect gift for her, I just couldn’t wait until the Saturday of her birthday. Finally the time came for her birthday party and I remember walking down the gloomy corridor of her apartment that foreshadowed the events to come. I knocked on the door and the door opened to a cold blank stare from her father. He looked at me almost in disgust waiting for me to say something. “I’m here for the birthday party,” I mumbled. He still stood there and I just walked in to look for her. The apartment was cramped so it wasn’t hard to find her with all the guests. I walked in and subtly realized I was the only non-Chinese person there. As I was about to make myself comfortable sitting down after being rudely welcomed, I was immediately halted. “You can’t sit there!” Xiaoying said to me. “What? Why?” I was beginning to become angry. “Because my mom said you can’t” “But why is everyone else sitting there?” “Because my Mom knows them.” Not having the sharp tongue I have now, I complied with the weirdest rule I have ever heard in my life. With no choice left for me, I sat on the floor. Its customary to tell your dog to sit on the floor, not humans. As the other guests arrived, (all being Chinese) we settled in her room where we played games. The bedroom was smaller than a jail cell, and she had only a bed to sit on. I made an attempt to sit on it thinking that if it was her bed there would be no problem, but again I was wrong. “You can’t sit there!” She exclaimed. “What? Why?” “Sorry, my Mom told me you can’t sit there” I didn’t want to be humiliated in front of the other girls so I chose not to fight and follow the rules. I also didn’t want to sit down on the dirty dusty floor with my favorite and only party dress. I still remember how hurt I was when she used that tone to tell me I couldn’t sit on her bed, as if I was a bacteria infested homeless junky ready to sleep on her overrated bed that. One thing I know for sure is that at least homeless people’s park benches were much more comfortable than her rock solid bed. Another thing I knew for sure was that a homeless junkie’s pride was much higher than mines at that minute. Finally the mother called out something in Chinese and all the girls ran out to wash their hands, I just followed assuming it was time to eat the birthday cake. The mother quickly spotted me before I could even get near the washroom and handed me a brown coarse paper towel to dry my hands with. All the other girls casually dried their hands with the towel, and got their piece of cake before I even ran my hands under the water. Everyone was speaking Chinese loudly in the living room and laughing. Why were they isolating me? I couldn’t take it any more, I just wanted cry and run back home with the present I bought for her. I still feel that urge to cry when I remember that horrifying event. If I had a chance to come back to that scene with the sharp tongue I have now, I would have said something like, “why don’t you move out of this building, didn’t white people build it?” or “You better stop shopping at the Chinese Grocery store, I heard they hired a white cashier” or what I wish more is that I went home as soon as I was ordered to sit on the floors. Let them sit on their only prized luxury, their couch, while I sit home with a better luxury, an open mind.

-I'm Vanessa