Women stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. Often there is no clear motive. The following is a list of contributing factors that may influence a battered woman to remain with her partner.
Frequency and Severity
The battering may occur over a relatively short period of time. He may tell her and she may be convinced that this battering was the last.
Generally, the less severe and less frequent the incidents, the more likely she is to stay.
Her Childhood
She may have lived in a home where her father beat her mother and accepts abuse as normal. She learned at an early age that it is OK to hit people you love when they've done something wrong. She, or one of her siblings, may have been a victim of child abuse or incest.
Economic Dependence
She may be economically dependent on the batterer and see no real alternative. Economic conditions today afford a woman with children few viable options. She may have no marketable skills, government assistance is very limited, and many dread welfare. Her husband may control all their money and she may have no access to cash, checks, or important documents.
Fear
She sees no real way to protect herself from her abuser. Many of her fears are justifiable. If she, or even a neighbour, reports him to the police, she often faces retaliation. Often she is so terrified, she will deny abuse when questioned. She is afraid that if she reports the crime or tells of the abuse, her partner might lose his job ... the only source of income for the family. She is afraid of incurring the wrath of the extended family if she breaks up with her partner or reports him.
Isolation
Often her partner is her only emotional support system, having systematically destroyed her other friendships. Other people feel uncomfortable around violence and usually withdraw from it. She may have no idea services are available and may feel trapped. He often threatens to kill her, the children, and anyone else she involves if she reports him. Often relatives get tired of helping her out time after time, giving her a place to stay, etc. They are no longer willing to be resources upon which she can rely. Having no one to talk to, she has no support system or potential helpers.
Low Self Esteem
She learns her behaviour has no effect on the outcome of a situation, since she is repeatedly abused with no consequences from preceding incidents. Severely depressed people cannot action. Often he is violent only with her and concludes it must be something wrong with h She often accepts his reasoning that she "deserved" the punishment or that he was just drunk to know what he was doing. She belie that if she would improve or stop making mistakes the battering would stop, because this is what has been told by the batterer after every assault.
Social Stigma
Because others can't understand why any self respecting woman would stay in that situation may be embarrassed to admit it. She believes has no power to change her situation.
Beliefs About Marriage
Religious and cultural beliefs or the eyes of s demand she maintains the facade of a good marriage. Often she stays for the sake of the "children needing a father." She may believe battering is a part of every marriage. She was raised to believe in the importance of a good relationship with a man, and good relationships are her responsibility, not his.
Beliefs About Her Partner
She often still loves him and values his good qualities. She believes him to be all-powerful able to find her anywhere. Many of her fears and beliefs about him are based in reality since so of the violence exhibited by these men is deadly. Often, motivated by pity and compassion, she feels she is the only one who can help him overcome problem.
