Children Of Domestic Violence
What is abusive behavior?
Abusive behavior is learned behavior. At an early age, children raised in an abusive enviromnent may develop patterns in their conduct that mimic the types of behavioral characteristics of batterers and victims. The lessons they learn from experiencing or observing abuse accompany them into adulthood. As adults, females often develop distrust of males, negative attitudes toward marriage, and/or accept violence or other forms Of abuse as natural. Some boys (many will have intervened on at least one occasion to stop the abuse) identify increasingly with the batterer and adopt many of the same beliefs about women, sex roles, and the use of control tactics.
What do children experience?
Children of domestic violence stand a greater chance of experiencing neglect. Depression, fear, frustration, helplessness, and anger may serve as obstacles for some battered women who are trying to foster nurturing relationships with their children.
After having had their foundation destroyed by domestic abuse, children from abusive households find it difficult to develop trust, self-confidence, or positive self-images. They often become ambivalent and desensitized to abuse. Many times the children's initial sympathy for the victim turns to disrespect. This occurs especially in cases when
defensive measures taken by the victim are not apparent to the children, or if the child begins to mimic or learn the disrespectful behaviors of the abuser. Children from domestic violent households are at a greater risk of becoming the next generation of abusers.
What is a child's response to abuse?
Despite the increased risk, not all children of domestic violence become batterers or tolerate abuse. Children react to their environment in several different ways. The following are four factors that help determine children's response to abuse:
1) Their interpretation of the experience;
2) How they have learned to survive and cope with stress;
3) The availability of support people (friends relatives, other adults); and
4) Their ability to accept support and assistance from adults.
Additionally, children's responses differ with age and gender. Younger children in an abusive enviromnent, including those used as pawns by batterers in custody and visitation disputes, have a tendency to regress in their development of behavioral skills. Children may become aggressive or throw temper tantrums or by contrast, may become withdrawn, passive or anxious.
Intervention/Therapy
Shelters for victims of domestic violence may also provide services for children or referrals to childrens' services outside the shelter. However, if a child is receiving treatment outside of the shelter, the provider must
be experienced with domestic violence. The following three conditions should be considered:
Group Therapy - Many children of domestic violence benefit the most from group therapy. Group therapy provides a supportive envirornnent. Such a surrounding can ease the common feelings of isolation and the stigma of abuse.
Structure - The treatment program must be structured in order to act as a stabilizing influence in the child's life.
Goals - Goals must be identified. Among them should be the development of the child's social skills (this includes verbal communication nonviolent methods to resolving conflict, and creative problem-solving techniques). A central goal should be the development of the child's ability to identify and express his/her emotions.
