And to think, I once pondered why people bothered to like Lucifer Fulci and Dario Argento. Now, more baffling is why people like H.G. Lewis. I mean, yes, he can be seen as the pioneer of splatter flicks, but his sucked! Yes, people rip on me with excuses like, "Hey man, for the time period and the state of film and society at the time, Lewis was a trailblazer! He's a fucking god!". Big monkey spanking deal! I don't care how influential or independent the prick was, so far his "work" does NOT impress me! What does impress me, is the hot little bombshell this flick opens with, as she bathes, heh heh. Sadly, her sanitary practices are halted, when some guy who looks like my greasy ex-boss stabs her in the eye and hacks off her lower leg. Yes, this is actually cool. Turns out that this is the 11th such victim in 2 weeks, with each missing a different limb or organ. How much would you like to bet that it's the same guy killing everyone? Shit, I should be on the police force handling this case. I'd be promoted to Chief within a week, thanx to my extensive horror knowledge! These guy's are twits! Anyway, our killer is a guy named Faude Ramses: caterer by day, killer by night, and a dude with some HUGE friggin' eyebrows! You could sweep floors with those things! Also, the guy's got a bad limp, and he worships an ancient Egyptian deity named Ishtar: goddess of love and beauty who thrives on violence. Maybe if that dipshit Detective Pete weren't so busy trying to knock up his would-be girlfriend, he might realize that the murders are conveniently similar to those described in the "Cults of Ancient Egypt" class he's been taking. Not to worry, Det. Pete's bout of retardation finally passes and he makes the connection. But, its a little too late, because his girlfriend Suze's mom has hired Mr. Ramses to cater Suze's b-day party! And, he's got a little Feast of Ishtar planned for the party, so he can bring his amalgamated Ishtar vessel (the patchwork body he made out those parts he sliced off his victims) to life, unleashing her on an unprepared world! Luckily for Suze, before Faud can sacrifice her to Ishtar, Suze's mom comes in and screams, scaring the gimpish and cowardly Mediterranean away... this guy would never make it in the serial cultist world of today. The fuzz shows up, chases the hobbling Faude (who, though crippled and feeble, manages to outrun several perfectly healthy young officers), who hides in the back of a garbage truck. Thankfully, the little greasy turd is then mercilessly crushed in the truck's compactor, the end. The movie had it's low points. We're talking so low, you'd have to use a telescope aimed skyward to see the squished underside of roadkill at sea level... in other words, the acting, soundtrack, scenery, and all around believability of this movie were horrendous, containing NO replay value what-so-ever. I will say one thing for it, the gore was pretty authentic and beefy, in spite of itself. But, I still hate H.G. Lewis! Oh, as a last warning to the few people who ever see this review: Beware the disgustingly bad and unconvincing "whip her with a length of rope dipped in Ragu" scene. If you're like me, it will probably scar you forever, just because it's so bad. You're welcome.

Also Known As: FEAST OF FLESH

Sequels: None

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: a home lobotomy or disemboweling yourself