Oh boy! A movie by Dario Argento, starring Donald Pleasance, with costumes by Georgio Armani! Wait... Georgio Armani?! Oh well, life's a bitch. Anyway, some girl moves into an all girls school, where students are dying left and right, and Asian girls run around in homemade Bee Gees shirts. She has weird sleepwalking spells, and eventually runs into Donald Pleasance and his bare-assed monkey (Insert whatever sexual innuendoes you like here). Oh yeah, the girl's also got some kind of "Shining" thing with bugs, which seems cool, but is only used for stupid crap. With the help of a Sarcophagus Fly, Jen becomes "the greatest detective in the world". Personally, I think this turned into some kind of "Goosebumps" mystery, and was not amused. The killer later kills Donald and barely escapes his monkey (insert next dick joke here). Jen gets trapped in some house where a woman and her mutant son reside. As is standard fare in horror movies, the freak is the result of a rape incident. I don't remember so many rapes resulting in pregnancy, let alone freak pregnancy! The woman is killed by some cop in chains, and Jen and her flies fight the mutant boy. There is WAY too much stuff happening in the last ten minutes of this movie for anyone to pay attention, or to give half a shit about! It was funny though, to see the monkey take revenge on the thought-dead woman by slicing her throat open with a straight razor! Sure, this movie sucked my granny's ass, but Argento's monkey was much better than Romero's (see my "Monkey Shines" review).

Also Known As: PHENOMENA

Sequels: None

If You Liked This Flick, Check Out: SUSPIRIA or any Dario Argento flick (they're ALL better CREEPERS!)